12 Relationship Struggles Of People Who Grew Up With A Narcissistic Parent

These relationship struggles are common among those who had narcissists for parents.

Close-up of a contemplative young woman wearing a black hat, partially obscured by a blurry figure in the foreground. She's looking to the right, with her hand gently touching her face. The background is softly lit.

The damage a person receives from growing up with a narcissistic parent doesn’t just end when they move away from home. No, their formative experiences inevitably end up affecting their future relationships as well. Below are 12 struggles that those with narcissist parents may have in their personal partnerships.

1. An inability to fully trust their partner.

A man and a woman are lying on a bed with their heads next to each other, looking upward. The man wears a light green shirt, and the woman is in a white top. Both appear relaxed and thoughtful, set against the neutral tones of the bedspread.

When one grows up in full awareness that a person who’s supposed to love and care for them will instead lie to them, manipulate them, and gaslight them, that can cause permanent trust issues. As much as they may want to fully trust their partner, they’ll forever be hypervigilant about potential betrayal.

2. Low self-esteem.

A young woman with long dark hair and wearing a grey shirt is sitting indoors. She has a thoughtful expression, resting her chin on her hand. The background is blurred, focusing attention on her face.

They’ve been so inundated with the idea that they’re inherently flawed on every level that they find it difficult to believe that a person could sincerely love and respect them. If their partner says anything that could be taken out of context as remotely critical, it devastates them completely.

3. People-pleasing tendencies.

Two people stand near the ocean on a sunny day. The person in the foreground with curly hair, eyes closed, wears a gray sweater. The person in the background, with light hair and a scarf, looks at the first person. The sea and clear sky are visible behind them.

If a person has been raised to be performative in order to make their narcissist parent happy, then they’re likely to behave the same way with a romantic partner. They won’t feel comfortable being their authentic selves, and will attempt to form themselves into their partner’s “ideal” mate instead.

4. Conflict avoidance.

A young woman with long, wavy hair is sitting on a chair, leaning her head on her hand, and looking thoughtful or stressed. Behind her, a man is sitting with his arms crossed, turned away, and looking in the opposite direction, conveying tension or conflict.

People who were raised by narcissists learned early on that voicing their feelings (especially involving hurt or upset) would result in severe reprimands and negative repercussions. As a result, they often remain silent about relationship issues that bother them in an attempt to “keep the peace”, to their own detriment.

5. Difficulties establishing and maintaining boundaries.

A close-up black and white photo of a girl looking through a chain-link fence. She has a worried expression, gripping the fence with one hand. Her face shows dirt and smudges, reflecting a tough or challenging situation.

When a person is shown repeatedly that their boundaries won’t be respected—or in fact, will be intentionally overstepped—they don’t see much point in trying to set them in the future. This often results in them being used and mistreated by partners because they won’t stand up for themselves.

6. Taking on too much responsibility instinctively.

A woman in a casual outfit is vacuuming the floor with a yellow and silver vacuum cleaner in a living room. In the background, a man in a denim jacket and jeans is sitting on a light blue sofa, eating snacks and watching her. The room is modern and bright.

A person who was forced to take on a lot of responsibility in childhood—and to do everything perfectly or risk severe punishment from their parent(s)—will instinctively take on more than their fair share. This can lead to unbalanced, unhealthy relationship dynamics that wear the responsible partner down over time.

7. Not expressing their own needs.

A woman with curly hair and a pensive expression sits on a couch, propping her head with one hand. She wears a red shirt and a necklace. In the background, a man in a plaid shirt and jeans also sits on the couch, looking away. The mood appears tense.

If they were trained to always put other people’s needs and wants ahead of their own (lest they be labeled “selfish” and punished for doing so), they continue that practice as adults. This can lead them to ignore their own self-care and wellbeing for the sake of keeping those around them happy.

8. A lack of trust in their own instincts.

A woman with long brown hair is looking up and to the side with a thoughtful expression on her face. She is wearing a light blue top, and the background is a plain, light-colored wall.

When someone is treated like they’re insane any time they express their thoughts or feelings, they learn to mistrust their own intuition. This can make them second-guess negative reactions to glaring red flags in potential partners: since they can’t trust their own judgment, they go along with discomfort instead.

9. Difficulties creating strong bonds with other people.

A man and woman both wearing gray sweaters sit close together but facing different directions. The woman looks down with a serious expression while the man sits behind her with a thoughtful expression, slightly out of focus.

A person whose emotions were invalidated in childhood—or who had to learn how to shut their feelings off for the sake of self-preservation—may be so emotionally detached that they have trouble bonding with romantic partners. They may not even be able to identify their own emotions, let alone express them.

10. A “push/pull” dynamic.

Two people standing outdoors near a body of water on a cloudy day. The person in the foreground, wearing a black coat and a black hat, looks off into the distance. The person in the background, also in a dark coat, faces away, adding a sense of solitude.

They may want to get close to a person they’re dating but get scared and push them away when they start to feel vulnerable. Then, once they feel safe again because of the distance they’ve created, they miss their partner and want to get close to them again, on repeat.

11. The perpetual feeling of waiting for the other shoe to drop.

A blonde woman with red nail polish embraces a man with dark hair, gazing into his eyes. They are illuminated by a warm, golden light, likely from a sunset, creating a romantic and intimate atmosphere. The background is blurred and dark.

Those who grow up with narcissist parents feel like they’re constantly waiting for something bad to happen. They can’t seem to relax, and if they find a relationship that seems “too good to be true”, they get suspicious. As a result, many end up dating narcissists because they’re comfortable with familiar dynamics.

12. A tendency to cut and run at the first sign of any worrisome behavior.

A woman in a grey hoodie stands with her arms crossed, looking away in frustration, while a man in a dark hoodie stands behind her with his head in his hands, appearing distressed. They are outdoors with a blurred beach and cliff background.

In contrast to those who are drawn to familiar narcissists, others will immediately put distance between themselves and those who display any narcissistic behavior. Their partner’s actions may be completely innocent, but they’re so terrified of re-living the abuse they grew up with that they run away and burn bridges behind them.