"Thank you" is overused and overrated—do these 12 things instead

There are better ways.

A woman with long red hair, wearing a grey sweater, smiles while holding a cup of coffee. She is facing another person with red hair who is turned away from the camera, wearing a red and white checkered shirt. The background is blurred outdoors.

Sometimes someone does something so great or selfless that saying “Thank you” just doesn’t cut it.

Other times it feels like you’ve said it so many times it’s lost it’s meaning.

Or perhaps you’re just bored of this plain old platitude and want to mix it up.

Either way, we’ve got you covered. Here are 12 alternative ways of expressing your thanks…

1. Hugs

Two women are sharing a joyful hug at an outdoor event. One woman with blonde hair, wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket, has a big smile. The other woman, wearing a blue and white patterned top, has her back to the camera. A stage and crowd are visible in the background.

My number one, awesome, extraordinary, gratitude go-to of all time! Hugs.

A wordless hug is a wonder.

A hug with a smile sends bliss.

A full-bodied hug projects all that you are straight to another’s heart.

What better way to show your thanks?

(Of course, if the person you’re thanking HATES physical contact, there are a million better ways to say thanks, and this is not one of them…)

2. Cards

A person with blonde hair, dressed in a black sweater, is seated at a desk, focused on painting. Various art supplies surround them, including watercolor paints, a glass of water, and other paper works. Shelving and a clock are visible in the background.

No, not Hallmark. Your own. As in make it. Or if you must purchase a card, at least make it one with a blank interior for writing your own message (not just your signature). I prefer you commit to a handmade card. Trust my preference on this.

A handmade thanks (be it a card or perhaps a cake; you get the idea) is a thing of beauty.

3. Letters!

A man with brown hair and a beard sits at a wooden table by a window, writing in a notebook. He is wearing a gray shirt. A glass of a dark beverage sits on the table, along with other items like books, a bread roll, and various kitchenware in the background.

Somewhere in a letter will be the words “Thank you,” but before and after those words will be a swirl of excellence to excite the reader into paroxysms of joy.

Why such joy? Because they’re your words! People love words written to them because it means someone (you) took the time to think about them, and the thought, my dears, will always count so much!

Saying thank you with a letter allows you not only to thank someone for what they might have done for you, but also for who they are.

“Thank you for you” is an awesome, sacred statement between souls.

4. Reciprocal Motion

Sometimes, the best way to say thanks is the act of giving right back around.

If your nephew helped you clear stubborn brush from your yard, imagine how thrilled he’ll be at you offering laundry accommodations for a month!

Or let’s say moving day, which comes for all friendships eventually. If someone helps you move, you turn right back around when the time comes to help them too – and you do it happily!

Your friend may not admit this to you afterward, but there’s a good chance they shed a tear of joy for your enthusiasm, as moving days tend to be greeted with the precise welcome of repeated root canals.

This form of “paying it forward” lights up so many paths. Saying “Thanks for what you did” by doing the same or similar for someone else – the original person or not – shows high appreciation for others’ selflessness.

5. Host A Meal

A diverse group of people sharing a Thanksgiving meal. A woman stands while serving food, smiling at the guests seated at the table, which is laden with dishes, including a roasted turkey, corn, and various side dishes. Glasses of juice and wine are also on the table.

A great way to thank one person or a hundred people is to feed them a home-cooked meal.

Again, the personal touch is crucial. If your cooking skills aren’t up to much, dazzle a catered meal with your own meaningful place settings.

Sharing time and sustenance is a precious act, especially when done as an act of gratitude.

If a meal is out of your reach, fill a small bag with treats they like and leave it where they’re sure to find it. Or bake their favorite pie. There are so many ways to say thank you via the stomach, they would literally fill a cookbook.

6. Date Night

A woman with long, wavy hair smiles warmly while holding a glass of white wine. She is wearing a light blue lace top and appears to be engaged in conversation with a person whose back is to the camera. The background is softly blurred.

Not dating you (unless that’s how things unfold), but offer thanks by sending someone on a date night. Maybe it’s a movie with one of their friends, your treat, including you watching their kids/cat/elderly parents, etc.

This is basically thanking someone with the gift of time and the freedom, for a few hours at least, of relaxed responsibilities.

7. Kiss Them

A man with a beard kisses a smiling woman on the cheek. The woman has long, brown hair and her eyes are closed in happiness. They are outdoors and appear to be enjoying a pleasant, affectionate moment together.

Of course, this only pertains to those already romantically entangled. Nothing says thank you for you like a good, firm, passionate, surprise kiss.

Depending on the kiss and extenuating circumstances, there’s a chance this form of thanks will branch off into other somewhat physical forms of thanks. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

8. The Direct Approach

Surprise and delight someone by asking how you can thank them. Let them know you’re being totally sincere with this, and while the sky might not be an attainable limit, you’re willing at least to go to the rooftops for them.

Very often, people do things for/with us with zero expectation of thanks beyond the common “thanks.” Looking someone squarely in the eyes and saying “You are special, you did the thing, I love you, I want to celebrate you” is so life-affirming that there might be ugly-crying during the exchange.

This is fine.

9. Make ‘Em Laugh

Is it the best medicine? Yes. Is it a great way to thank someone for being awesome? You bet.

Unlike date night, this has to involve you; laughter is shared, participatory, and very bonding.

Find a comedy club. Rent their favorite funny movie. See a play you both hope will be funny. There’s so much joy in laughter, it becomes an automatic “Thank you!” for almost any situation.

10. Sit With Someone

Two women are sitting and facing each other. One woman, with shoulder-length blonde hair, is seen from behind, while the other woman, with curly dark hair, is facing the viewer and holding the other woman's hands, appearing to engage in a supportive conversation.

Opposite to making them laugh, sometimes the best way to say thanks beyond saying thanks is to be with someone.

Often after a funeral or other traumatic experience, we want to thank those who comforted us, yet there’s always a twinge of how to do so without making them feel uncomfortable or that they’re receiving a standard, low-level “thanks.”

Sit with them. Be with them. Let them know by your presence that you not only desire but need their presence; that they have been and continue to be strength for you.

Of course, sitting with someone need not entail bereavement. If you and your best friend completed a long walk through the woods (with you complaining about the heat all the way), rather than immediately head for the showers afterward, give her a glass of something cold, and sit with her as you sip your own glass.

As you both catch your breath, a wordless exchange of true gratitude is taking place, because you know you truly needed the exercise, truly needed to get out of your own headspace, and truly treasure your friend for not pushing you down a hill.

11. Get Crafty

An elderly woman with gray hair and glasses, wearing a polka dot blouse, is knitting with purple yarn. She is listening to something through earphones. Behind her are shelves filled with colorful yarn. A basket of yarn is on the table next to her.

By now, you’re on top of the theme of personal meaning. You’ve cooked, you’ve laughed, you might have kissed, and you even made your own heartfelt card.

Here’s where you kick the personal notion up a notch. Despite what we see of misshapen sweaters from Grandma or the kiddy coffee mugs from hell, people actually love receiving handcrafted gifts, especially as a thank you.

Here, your skill level is definitely a deciding factor on whether or not you tackle the job yourself. If you’re handy and crafty as a matter of course, say thank you with a small side table, a hand-thrown apple dish, or, say, a knitted babooshka scarf.

As this is hand-crafted, it will come some time after whatever initialized the reason for thanks, which adds to the depth of gratitude the other will receive being surprised with such a gift.

Or even not surprised. Anticipation is a wonderful thing. Telling them that you want to make something for them, then telling them what it is, then taking your time to make it… gods, the smiles upon getting to say “Here you go!” are enough to light a thousand homes for a thousand years!

12. Be Sincere

Two people are sitting at a table in a cafe, engaging in conversation. The person facing the camera is smiling and holding a drink topped with whipped cream, while the other person has their back turned, also holding a cup. The background shows large windows and street view.

See them. See what they’ve done, whether it involves deep sacrifice on their part or something so neighborly as picking your kids up from school with their kids when you’re stuck in the traffic jam from hell.

No matter what your method, if the delivery conveys more of “I appreciate you” than “I appreciate what you did” (note the subtle difference), your gratitude has already pushed beyond the mere words level, which is wonderful.

They will absolutely feel it, and trust me, people will thank you for that.