10 Behaviors That Show A Man Is A Player

Want to know for sure if he’s a player?

A man in a gray suit with lipstick marks on his face looks worried as he holds his tie, which is being pulled by a woman's hand. The background is plain gray.

Navigating the current dating scene can be difficult, especially in an age where dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge are the primary way to meet potential partners. While there are plenty of people out there who are looking for meaningful connections, there are also a lot of people who may say they want a relationship, but are only looking for a quick hookup or a casual fling. Here are ten behaviors to keep an eye out for that show that a guy might be playing you.

1. They come on strong.

Two people sit at a table with a red checkered tablecloth outside a cafe. They are holding hands, smiling, and wearing sunglasses. Drinks, including iced coffees, are on the table. The background shows a window reflecting greenery and outdoor furniture.

When you’re in the beginning stages of getting to know a potential partner, it’s normal to act playful and flirtatious around them. However, if a guy is constantly showering you with compliments or giving you mischievous winks, take those actions with a grain of salt. Players are usually extra flirtatious not because they truly like you, but because they need to charm you as quickly and efficiently as possible to get you into the bedroom.

2. Their communication skills are inconsistent.

A young woman with long dark hair stands against a light gray wall, looking down at her phone. She is wearing a blue denim jacket over a black top and a light-colored skirt. She appears focused on the device in her hands.

If there’s one thing you need to know about players, it’s that their communication with you can be all over the place. One day, he’ll spend hours texting you about every little thing. The next day, radio silence. This behavior may seem confusing, but it has a purpose: to keep you interested in him while keeping his options open.

3. You’re putting in all the work.

A man and a woman are standing in a bowling alley, each holding a bowling ball. The man is holding a black ball, and the woman is holding a red one. They appear to be conversing. Bowling pins and balls are visible in the foreground, and a beer bottle is on the table.

No matter how long you have been seeing a guy romantically, a relationship is a two-way street. A healthy and successful partnership requires both people to put in effort to spend time together, get to know each other, and make things work. If you find yourself taking the initiative in planning dates or even starting a conversation, take that as a sign that he is stringing you along.

4. He refuses to define the relationship.

A woman and a man are sitting outdoors on a bench, engaged in a conversation. The woman is leaning forward with her arms resting on her knees, wearing a white sleeveless top and sunglasses on her head. The man in a white t-shirt is touching his forehead. Trees are in the background.

If you’ve been seeing a potential partner for a few weeks or even a few months, it can be nerve-wracking for both parties to ask the all-important question: “what are we?” But if you find that your man changes the subject whenever you bring up labels, this suggests that he’s not interested in anything serious with you.

5. He wants to get physical with you fast.

A couple stands close to each other, gazing intensely. The man is wearing a navy blue shirt and sunglasses while leaning against a wall. The woman, also wearing sunglasses and a black tank top, is leaning back against the wall, her hand on his arm.

New relationships can be exhilarating, and if the two of you really hit it off, it’s normal to want to take things all the way. However, if a man primarily talks about intimate topics with you or is eager to take you home after a night out, this can be a major red flag. Players often seek validation through physical encounters, so if you feel like things are moving too quickly for comfort, it’s likely that he is only looking for a physical connection.

6. He makes promises that sound too good to be true.

A woman with a braided hairstyle and wearing a blue necklace gazes into the camera, while a man in a white shirt stands close to her, his back partially facing the camera. They are outdoors, with a dark, textured wall in the background.

Planning for the future is an important aspect of any relationship, but what separates a real man from a player is the actions they take to turn those plans into a reality. If you find that your man often promises to take you on a dream vacation or simply out on dates but never follows through, this is a warning sign that he is a player. Players have a habit of making promises without intent; it serves to keep you interested while avoiding actual commitment.

7. He’s secretive about his life.

A man and woman sit on a couch, facing away from each other in a tense atmosphere. The man, wearing glasses and a denim shirt, sits with his head down and hands clasped in front of him. The woman, in an orange shirt, sits upright with her back turned to the man.

When you think about your potential partner, what about him comes to mind? Do you know if he has siblings or pets, what his friends are like, or even what his favorite color is? If you can’t answer any of these simple questions about him, it’s safe to assume that he is playing you. Sure, most people have things about their lives that they don’t want to share in detail, but if he’s actively avoiding talking about his personal interests, friends, or family, he could be trying to maintain an air of mystery that will continue to string you along.

8. He knows exactly how to make you feel good.

A close-up of a couple embracing. The woman, with a content smile, has her eyes closed and is hugging the man tightly. The man's face is partially visible, and he is wearing a gray hoodie and a brown jacket. Both seem to be outdoors, surrounded by greenery.

Sometimes when you’re in a new relationship with a man, the two of you may connect so well that it’ll feel like you’ve known each other for a lifetime. He knows exactly what to say to make you blush, how to make you laugh no matter how mad you are, and where to touch you in a way that will make you go crazy. While it may seem like a green flag at first glance, you may want to keep an eye on him. Players know exactly how to seduce women and leave you wanting more, so if he’s doing all this while not putting in any effort to make an emotional connection with you, that green flag will quickly turn red.

9. He’s always “busy.”

A woman with curly brown hair rests her chin on her hand while looking thoughtfully into the distance. She is seated indoors in what appears to be a cozy cafe with warm lighting and wooden furniture in the background.

Another key sign to look out for when determining if a man is a player is when he chooses to contact you. If he only texts you or makes plans to meet with you at night, it’s possible that he doesn’t consider you a priority. Sure, everybody experiences busy days at work or at school, but it takes ten seconds out of his day to send you a quick text. If he truly does like you, he wouldn’t treat you like a booty call.

10. He ghosts you.

A woman with shoulder-length brown hair concentrates intensely while looking at a smartphone in her hands. She is sitting indoors, with bookshelves in the background. The lighting is dim, creating a serious atmosphere.

The most obvious sign of a player happens so often it has its own name: ghosting. If you’ve ever been on a date with someone who you thought you really hit it off with, but then you never hear from them again, know that it is not your fault. Cutting off communication unexpectedly shows emotional immaturity and a lack of honesty and good communication skills, which are all qualities found in someone who, to put it plainly, is simply not that interested in you.