Do People Think You’re Rude?
Some people just come across as very very rude.
Perhaps you’re one of them. Maybe you don’t think you are rude, and you certainly weren’t intending to be, but people always seem to take you the wrong way.
Sometimes the intent is clear as day. Other times it’s not so straightforward.
So why are people rude? Or why do they come across that way?
1. Low Self-Esteem
A careful observation of many rude individuals will reveal that they are deeply insecure, with low self-confidence and a lack of understanding about human behavior.
As the Brazilian novelist Paul Coelho sagely observed: “How people treat others is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves.”
If a person regards herself/himself in a constantly negative and critical light, that attitude is bound to affect the way they regard others.
People with low self-esteem often mask their own insecurities by flexing their verbal muscles, being rude and boorish, in an attempt to make themselves feel strong.
2. Personal Problems
None of us are immune to feeling stress related to our close relationships, our work, or any number of other factors.
No matter how well we think we’re handling personal crap, there are times when our frustrations and anger make us lash out verbally in situations we’d normally sail through with a smile.
In this case, it’s worth remembering that WE are the ones who are being rude or mean.
When we’re under such strain, it’s easy to act before thinking and do or say things which are at best impolite and at worst actively rude.
That’s a good reason to cut others some slack when you feel offended by their rude behavior. You just never know what current events are playing out in others’ lives at any time.
3. Learned Behavior
No two value systems in families and upbringings are the same. If you were brought up in a home environment where harsh words were the norm and it wasn’t unusual for objects to be thrown around in anger, clearly you’d see that as acceptable behavior.
And, of course, it can and does get way worse than that. Living on the edge has become internalized for these people and, as a result, they respond accordingly when they are enraged by others.
These people just do not know any better, not having been exposed to any other way of handling stress.
4. Personality Disorders
Such negative and anger-ridden childhood experiences as those described above can lead to the development of actual personality disorders and ultimately to behavior which is seen as mean, rude, or disrespectful.
Hardly surprising when socially acceptable boundaries for human interaction haven’t been hard-wired during impressionable years.
Those with conditions such as Antisocial Personality Disorder and Narcissistic Personality Disorder often appear rude or inconsiderate due to a lack of empathy and a tendency to disregard others’ feelings.
5. Cultural Differences
In our multi-cultural, ever-shrinking world, where we constantly rub shoulders with people from other countries governed by a totally different set of values and etiquette, this is more important than we might think.
What’s thought to be rude and unacceptable behavior in one culture might be encouraged in another.
German people, for example, have no qualms about speaking their mind, whereas the British will beat around the bush endlessly rather than say what they think.
To the British, then, a straight-talking German is rude and insulting, whereas the German will be flummoxed by the British approach.
6. ‘Brain Strain’ Caused By Technology Overload
Undoubtedly, the rapid rise of digital data and technology has led to an exponential increase in the pace of life.
Juggling mobile phones, the insistent and oh-so-hard-to-ignore demands of social media, and the online information explosion leaves people bombarded with constant demands on their attention that didn’t exist as little as 15 years ago.
This relentless activity, with its urgent requirement for immediate action, can create ‘brain strain’ (not an actual clinical diagnosis!), leading to anxiety and stress, and, in turn, to aggravation and aggressive behavior.
People are overloaded and overwhelmed and politeness has been sacrificed on the altar of technology.
7. Emotional Immaturity And Low Emotional Intelligence
Some people, for whatever reason, may not yet have matured in the emotional sense. Perhaps they never will.
They are emotionally unintelligent. When they act in a way that hurts others, they do so, in part, because they lack the awareness to consider the impact of their actions.
Since they cannot comprehend their behavior as hurtful, they see no reason not to engage in it. They have no mental checks in place to stop them from acting in such ways.
8. Neurodivergence
Unfortunately, it’s not uncommon for people who are autistic, ADHD, or both (AuDHD) to have their natural communication style misinterpreted as rudeness.
It’s also not uncommon for autism and ADHD to go undiagnosed in people who don’t have the stereotypical presentation we’ve all learned from Rain Man and Sheldon. Women and underrecognized groups are particularly affected by this unhelpful bias.
Autistic people tend to be more direct, honest, and forthcoming communicators and ADHDers can be prone to interrupting and getting distracted mid-conversation. To a neurotypical person, these ways of communicating may seem disrespectful, whereas actually, there’s no ill intent there.
It’s important to note that neurodivergent communication styles are just as valid as neurotypical. And the onus shouldn’t be on one party to change their natural communication style to suit the other, as this is neither fair nor healthy.
Being upfront about how you communicate and seeking to clarify meaning can help alleviate any misunderstandings on both sides.
And most importantly, having a little compassion and acceptance for each other’s innate differences goes a long way.
