Men who make the best boyfriends (and husbands) display these 11 behaviors

Interested in making it for the long haul?

A smiling woman with long brown hair leans back on a couch, resting her head on the chest of a man with dark hair who is sitting behind her. The man has his arm around her, and both appear relaxed and happy in a cozy, well-lit room.

Want to know what your girlfriend (and potential future wife) really wants out of your relationship?

Many articles have been written on this topic, but few offer genuinely useful advice or realistic expectations.

You don’t need a laundry list of to-dos – there are some very basic things that make men great long-term boyfriend (and husband) material.

1. They Make Honesty Their Foundation

A woman is smiling with her eyes closed while receiving a kiss on the cheek from a man. They are sitting close together on a yellow couch, both wearing white shirts. The background includes blurred indoor plants and a light-colored wall.

Honesty is consistently listed as one of the top qualities in almost every dating profile ever written – that says something.

Most of us have been lied to in a relationship at some point, or have done the lying ourselves, yet in spite of past gaffes, we repeatedly require this trait from our partners.

For many, it’s an absolute deal-breaker in a relationship.

Forget long walks on the beach at sunset. Forget saying “I love you” every day, or buying her roses. None of that matters one iota if you don’t have an honest relationship.

What women really want is honesty.

2. They Understand Honesty Isn’t Just About Fidelity

A man and a woman sit on a couch in a bright living room, smiling and holding hands. They appear to be engaged in a cheerful conversation. The room has white walls, a floor lamp, and large windows allowing natural light to fill the space.

An important point to remember is that honesty isn’t just about cheating – although no woman wants to worry about who her boyfriend is texting, or have to be reassured constantly.

Nor is it about telling her what you think she wants to hear.

Real honesty in a relationship is about being able to share in difficult conversations and criticisms that loved ones usually don’t want to hear.

Some people might counter, well, that’s just communication. If your relationship is based on honesty and integrity, good communication will follow.

3. They Are Independent

A man and a woman enjoying glasses of red wine outdoors. They are standing close to each other, smiling and making eye contact. The setting appears to be a sunny day with trees and a building in the background. Both are dressed casually.

This isn’t about being the “breadwinner” in the relationship; your future wife isn’t a damsel in distress who needs to be rescued. Those are outdated ideas best left in the past.

This is about realistic financial independence.

If you own a fancy car, and live in a swanky downtown condo on the 20th floor, but your mom still does your laundry and pays your car insurance, you are only playing the part of an independent partner.

Giving the appearance of independence vs actually being independent are two different things. Owning expensive gadgets and clothes won’t make someone independent if they are mired in debt and can’t function as an adult.

4. They Behave Like Grown Men

A woman and a man are assembling furniture in a bedroom. The woman is sitting on the bed, holding instruction papers and smiling, while the man is kneeling on the floor, using a screwdriver. Various furniture pieces and tools are scattered around them.

Learn how to cook, wash your own clothes, pay down your debts, live within your means, and sock a little away for a rainy day – that’s what “adulting” really means.

A woman will appreciate a stable partner over a man who showers her with gifts he really can’t afford just to show off.

5. They Remember Emotional Independence Too

Two elderly men sit on a couch in a living room. One man, in a green shirt, leans forward with his head in his hand, appearing distressed. The other man, in a maroon shirt, gestures with his hands as if offering advice or support. Shelves and a TV are in the background.

Men who make great husbands reign in their meddling family and friends. A relationship is between two people, not three or more.

Sure, talk to a close friend to get some advice about a problem once in a while, but don’t air your dirty laundry to everyone on social media, and don’t directly involve them in your affairs.

In this day and age, it is all too common to see extremely private matters splashed across Facebook and Twitter. This isn’t high school; be an adult, keep private things private.

6. They Don’t Expect Her To Be Like Their Mother

A man and an older woman, possibly family members, embrace happily while sitting at a wooden table with two green cups and a plate of food in the foreground. The setting is cozy and homey, with a round mirror and some framed pictures on the wall in the background.

Don’t expect your girlfriend to do things in the exact same way your mom does. Grow up, and cut the apron strings.

No woman wants to compete, be constantly reminded of her shortcomings, or be criticized by her partner’s parents and friends.

7. And They Don’t Let Their Mother Interfere

A woman with short blonde hair gently holds the face of a younger woman with long blonde hair, both looking at each other lovingly. They are in front of a light grey door with a circular knocker. The scene captures a tender moment of connection.

Men who are husband material establish boundaries and don’t let other people interfere or cross lines. Boundaries are vital to a healthy (and happy!) relationship, and a sign of emotional independence and maturity.

Respect the way your partner does things and make sure you support her when she sets boundaries as well, otherwise, she will feel betrayed.

If you’re in it for the long haul, you’re a team – protect that partnership and show a united front. If you can’t establish and maintain boundaries, your relationship will be in trouble.

8. They Share In The Emotional Labor

A woman and a man sit closely on a sunlit bed. The woman, in a gray tank top and shorts, sips from a white mug. The man, wearing a white t-shirt and shorts, smiles at her. A bowl of green grapes is placed near them on the bed.

This is a recent hot-button issue that has received a fair share of attention online.

In case you’ve been hiding under a rock, emotional labor is the (unthanked) work women do every day to physically and emotionally manage their partner’s expectations in a relationship.

That’s right, women, not men, hence why it’s an integral item on this list.

9. Sharing Emotional Labor Means:

A man and a woman are playfully engaging in a mock sword fight in a bright, modern kitchen. The man wields a duster, and the woman uses a mop. Both are wearing casual clothes and cleaning gloves, and they appear to be having fun. The kitchen is clean and organized.

It means not having to be asked to help your girlfriend plan, help around the house, or manage the finances.

It means your girlfriend not worrying about managing your anger, or emotional outbursts, when having a difficult conversation, or asking for help.

It goes beyond picking up your socks and making the occasional dinner – it’s about planning and organizing tasks that often take the most mental and emotional work.

It’s about doing things preemptively without being asked. It’s about noticing what your partner does for you and doing the same in return.

10. They Don’t Expect To Be Rewarded For Sharing The Labor

A smiling woman embraces a man from behind while he washes dishes at the kitchen sink. The man wears an orange cleaning glove on one hand. They both appear happy and are in a brightly lit, modern kitchen.

Men who make great husbands not only share in the emotional labor, but crucially they do not expect rewards and applause for jobs that are expected and done by women daily without thanks.

Picked up some groceries? Great, that’s called sharing the load. Your girlfriend has probably done this 100 times without you noticing because it’s traditionally expected of her.

Did the laundry? Good. It’s a job that you should be doing without asking.

Booked the hotel for your next vacation? Great, why shouldn’t you? You’re both on this trip together; she’s your partner, not a travel agent.

11. They Don’t Use Gender Stereotypes As An Excuse

A woman in a green apron and a man in a light blue shirt stand in a kitchen, smiling at each other. The woman is holding two oranges, and the man is holding a bunch of lemongrass. The kitchen has wooden shelves, green plants, and various kitchen utensils.

The reason emotional labor is often considered women’s work in a relationship is the excuse: “Women are just better at this stuff.”

That’s a load of rubbish and men who are husband material know this.

We are socially conditioned to believe that women are better at emotional work, and that men are inept when it comes to expressing their feelings.

This is due to the fact that men have been raised to be rewarded for doing tasks that traditionally fall outside of their gender roles. This has to change, and men who make great husbands are leading this change.

The reinforcement of these gender roles does both men and women a huge disservice. For one, it denies men permission to show vulnerability by shaming them.

Secondly, it absolves men from doing their fair share of the emotional labor in a relationship.

Finally…

An older couple is embracing and smiling joyfully. The woman, with short brown hair, has her arms around the man's shoulders, while the man, with gray hair and a beard, leans into her, creating a tender and happy moment near a window with soft light.

It’s not about how much you make, flowery romance, and flash, because all that is just icing on the cake.

If you really want longevity and a happy relationship, invest in changing behaviors, and not buying things.

Things are an easy out – the real work is in changing your behavior to be the best partner you can be by showing up as her equal every single day.

If you’re honest, emotionally and financially independent, and share in the emotional labor, you will have the key elements that make you excellent husband material for any prospective partner.