If You Do Any Of These 12 Things, You're Unconsciously Pushing People Away

Avoid doing these things unless you want to push people away.

A man with long hair and a beard is sitting in a large, cushioned chair. He wears a blue button-up shirt over a white tee and rests his head on his hand while looking at the camera. The chair has a white, spiral frame. The background is softly lit.

There are traits that will draw people into your life, and others that will push them away. Check out the following list of behaviors to determine whether people might be avoiding you because of them.

1. Having perpetual pity parties.

In a softly lit room, a person with long dark hair is holding their head in distress while another person, facing away from the camera, gently holds their arm in a comforting manner. The background shows a blurred living space with furniture.

People are drawn to those who display enthusiasm and joy because these things show resilience in difficult circumstances—they will attract people. On the other hand, constantly bemoaning your fate over the smallest things has the opposite effect. Nobody wants to spend time with someone who wallows in self-pity.

2. Being lax in personal hygiene.

A man in a white t-shirt is standing against a plain white background. He has a pained expression on his face while raising his right arm to check his armpit, appearing to be concerned about sweat or body odor.

You probably go out of your way to avoid things that smell bad, right? Well, if you’re the thing that smells bad, that odor of yours is going to push people away. Make sure to keep your body, teeth, and clothes clean, and use mints and deodorant as needed.

3. Selfish, one-sided behavior with no reciprocity.

A man in a plaid shirt sits at a dining table with an empty plate, holding a fork and knife, looking frustrated. In the background, a woman in a green shirt prepares food at the kitchen counter and looks back towards the man. The kitchen is modern and well-lit.

When others go out of their way to do nice things for you, do you reciprocate? Or do you simply take and never give back? People who feel that their generosity and kindness toward you are taken for granted are going to walk away if that doesn’t change for the better.

4. Being a closed book.

A man with light brown hair, wearing a white t-shirt, looks down with a serious expression. Behind him, a woman with long dark hair and a striped shirt looks at him with a concerned expression. They are indoors with a brick wall in the background.

Remaining secretive about your own life while demanding that others tell you everything about themselves is going to keep people at bay. Trust and vulnerability are a two-way street, and if you don’t share anything personal, people simply won’t trust you and will establish distance between you for their own safety.

5. Being domineering.

A woman stands with her hand on her forehead, appearing stressed or upset, while a man sitting on a couch behind her is gesturing and talking as if arguing or explaining something. They are in a modern kitchen and living area.

Whether you’re sharing space or conversations with people, being domineering and trying to “alpha” everything is going to push others out of your life. Show humility and graciousness by letting others lead discussions, or sit in the “good chair” on a regular basis, or risk being labeled a tiresome try-hard.

6. Not carrying your weight or doing your fair share.

A man with a beard is sitting on a blue couch playing video games with a controller, while a woman is ironing clothes behind him in a living room. The room is cluttered with laundry, a laundry basket, snacks, and drinks, and is decorated with wall art and a bookshelf.

If you share a living space with housemates or a partner, ask yourself whether you do your fair share of the breadwinning, cooking, and cleaning. If not, why would anyone want you around? Nobody wants to carry a person who doesn’t contribute anything to the household except stress.

7. Being overly demanding (especially with reassurance).

A woman holding a white mug looks away with a concerned expression while a man touches her shoulders reassuringly. They are standing in a modern kitchen with a white refrigerator and small appliances visible in the background.

If you’re in a relationship and you’re constantly being demanding or needy, that’s an effective way to push someone away. Whether it’s texting your new partner 50 times an hour or always needing physical affection, it’ll have the opposite effect of what you’re seeking.

8. Trying to be too familiar too quickly.

Two women are having a conversation outdoors near an urban overpass. One woman, with blonde hair, is wearing a blue long-sleeve shirt and has her arms crossed. The other woman, with curly hair, is wearing a red sleeveless top and dark pants, and is gesturing with her hands.

Cultivating relationships with others is like peeling onions: you have to do so layer by layer, moving slowly and gently so you don’t break them. If you move too quickly or demand too much all at once, things will fall apart fast. Allow time and patience when getting to know others.

9. Overstepping boundaries.

Two women are standing outdoors, engaged in an intense conversation. Both have a perplexed expression and are gesturing with their hands as they talk. One woman is wearing a brown coat, and the other a red top. Trees and a blurred background are visible.

Using a person’s belongings without permission, intruding into their space without asking, or even hugging them without their consent will push people away faster than you might imagine. This is especially true if they’ve established boundaries with you in the past and you’re intentionally overstepping them out of disrespect or for personal amusement.

10. Being overly loud, rude, or obnoxious—particularly in public.

A man wearing a bright yellow hoodie with a black hood is standing against a plain white background. He is shouting with his hands cupped around his mouth. His expression is intense, and he appears to be calling out or yelling with emotion.

If you don’t like to be embarrassed by others’ obnoxious behavior in public, know that others feel the same way if you behave badly when you’re out together. They don’t want to be associated with someone who behaves like a belligerent clown, as that kind of behavior will reflect poorly on them.

11. Getting too invested in other people’s private lives.

Two women sit on a white sofa, engaged in conversation. The woman on the left, wearing a red sweater, has a concerned expression and gestures with her hand on her chest. The woman on the right, in a beige top, listens attentively while holding a black mug.

This can range from asking inappropriate questions about their intimate life to offering unsolicited advice about things like child-rearing, dietary choices, fitness/weight loss, and so on. If people want your advice, they’ll ask for it. Don’t poke your nose into others’ lives unless you’re invited in.

12. Non-stop talking.

Two women sitting at a table with glasses of orange juice in front of them. One woman looks bored, resting her hand on her cheek, while the other smiles and gestures animatedly. They are in a bright, outdoor setting with blurred greenery in the background.

If your stream of consciousness is linked to your vocal cords and you talk nonstop, you’re going to alienate a lot of people. Being subjected to someone who shares every single thought in their head, yammering on for hours at a time, gets very old very quickly.