12 signs you need to raise your relationship standards (or be forever disappointed)

Are your relationship standards too low?

A woman with curly blonde hair and a serious expression looks at a man with straight brown hair who is out of focus in the foreground. Both are dressed warmly, suggesting a cool day. The background appears to be an urban setting with modern buildings.

Do you find yourself perpetually disappointed in your relationships? If so, it may be because you’ve set the bar too low, and thus aren’t receiving what you need to thrive. If any of the following signs ring true for you, then you likely need to raise your standards or face perpetual dissatisfaction.

1. You don’t feel respected in your relationship, but you tolerate that disrespect.

A woman with light brown hair, wearing a denim jacket over a striped shirt, stands with her arms crossed and a serious expression in a kitchen. In the background, a man in a blue shirt leans against the kitchen counter, partially blurred.

Your partner might take you for granted, speak to you rudely, use your belongings without asking, or not respect your privacy, but you tolerate their actions instead of making it clear that they’re unacceptable. In fact, your exes may have behaved the same way, indicating a pattern of yours that needs to change.

2. You feel as though you aren’t supported by your partner.

A young woman with long light brown hair looks pensively into the distance. A young man with short brown hair stands closely behind her, looking at her with a concerned expression. The background is slightly blurred, featuring a yellow structure.

You may go above and beyond to offer the people you date emotional support when they’re going through a rough time, but they’ll either ignore you, laugh at you, or insult you when you’re the one who’s struggling. If you keep dating people like this, you’re going to keep being mistreated the same way.

3. You carry a lot of the load on your own shoulders.

A man with a beard sits at a kitchen table holding a fork and spoon, looking up in anticipation, with an empty plate in front of him. In the background, a woman with long hair, wearing a white shirt and jeans, is busy at the kitchen counter.

Your partner treat you like a walking wallet or domestic servant instead of a cherished companion. They seem fully content to let you carry the load without contributing, and they get resentful if you express frustration at the imbalance in the relationship. Yet, you inevitably end up with people who behave the same way.

4. You keep on dating a particular “type”, and are continually dissatisfied.

A person wearing a yellow beanie and red shirt gazes intently at the camera. Another person, with their back to the camera, gently holds the first person's collar. They both have short hair, and the setting is a dimly lit area, adding a pensive mood to the scene.

We all have preferences about who we’re attracted to, but if you keep dating cookie-cutter versions of the same type of person, and keep being disappointed with unfulfilling partnerships, consider raising your standards so you date someone who’s smart, kind, and capable, as well as physically attractive in your eyes.

5. You tolerate—and even justify—behavior that you actively dislike.

A woman and a man are sitting at a cafe table with cups of coffee and a dessert. The woman looks concerned, resting her chin on her hand, while the man is talking and gesturing with his hands. The background features warm, hanging lights and wooden decor.

Maybe you hate it when your partner swears or yells at you, but you tolerate this poor behavior because you’re afraid of being alone. If anyone tries to intervene or mentions that your partner’s behavior is unacceptable, you may defend and justify their actions due to a misplaced sense of loyalty.

6. You’re surprised any time someone does something nice for you.

A young woman with long, dark hair and glasses smiles while talking to another person in an office setting. She is wearing a white blouse, and the background includes shelves with binders and books.

If you’re accustomed to being taken for granted and mistreated by your partners, then the bar you’ve set for your relationship standards is subterranean. Having a partner who puts real effort into you and makes you a priority isn’t an unattainable feat. You should be with someone who treats you well!

7. You’re constantly embarrassed by your partner’s behavior.

A man and a woman stand back-to-back outdoors. The man, with blond hair, a beard, glasses, and wearing a striped shirt, looks into the distance with a serious expression. The woman, with long brown hair and a floral dress, faces away, looking downward.

Your partner may behave like an idiot in public, humiliating you by association on a regular basis, but you feel you need to put up with it because “that’s just how they are”. Not everyone behaves in that manner, so why do you choose to remain with someone who does?

8. You’re not actually attracted to the person you’re with.

A woman with light brown hair rests her head on the shoulder of a man with short brown hair. They are standing close to each other, with the woman looking off into the distance. The background is blurry and appears to be an outdoor setting, possibly near water.

A person’s partner is usually a reflection of how they feel about themselves. If you’re with someone you don’t find physically attractive, ask yourself why. If you don’t feel you deserve “better”, consider working with a therapist to improve your self-esteem so you can be more confident in raising your relationship standards.

9. You’re depressed about having to be a different person to meet your partner where they’re at.

A woman with red hair wearing a red coat and a cream scarf sits on concrete steps with her arms crossed, looking away thoughtfully. In the background, a man in a gray jacket and blue jeans sits on the steps, facing away from her.

Are you expected to dress or behave differently than you’d like so your partner doesn’t accuse you of thinking that you’re “better than” they are, or putting on airs? If so, you likely feel depressed that you can’t be your authentic self around them and have to debase yourself for their comfort.

10. Your boundaries are perpetually overstepped, but you do nothing about it.

A woman with blonde hair, wearing a gray sweater, rests her head on her hand and looks pensive. A man in the background, who is out of focus, appears to be sitting with his arms crossed, wearing a blue and white striped shirt.

You might have made it abundantly clear that you don’t tolerate certain types of actions or behaviors, but they do it anyway because they know there won’t be any consequences. You may hope that your partner will respect these boundaries, and thus show you that they care, but they don’t.

11. You accept mistreatment because you think that this is what all relationships are like.

A man wearing a pink t-shirt is angrily arguing with a woman who appears distressed. The woman, wearing a plaid-patterned outfit, has her eyes closed and is holding her forehead with one hand, sitting on a sofa in a tense environment.

If you were raised in an abusive environment, you may have never witnessed what a healthy relationship looks like. As such, you accept the mistreatment you’re given because you don’t believe partnerships can get any better than this. Furthermore, your past abuse might make you feel like you don’t deserve better than this.

12. You think poorly of your partner.

A woman with long hair and a white shirt stands in the foreground, looking contemplative, while a man in a white shirt stands in the blurred background. They are inside a room with shelves filled with various items.

If you look at your partner and think that they’re incapable, ignorant, or downright stupid, it’s important to ask yourself why you’re with someone you think so poorly of. This is a solid clue that you need to raise your standards immediately, or forever be stuck with partners you feel contemptuous toward.