11 Surprising Reasons You Should Date Someone You’re Not Physically Attracted To

You might be pleasantly surprised…

A woman in a white shirt is drinking red wine while sitting at a restaurant table with a man in a beige sweatshirt who is using chopsticks to eat sushi. Several pieces of sushi and a small dish are on the table in front of them.

You might feel like dating someone you’re not physically attracted to is a waste of time.

That couldn’t be further from the truth.

We live in such an appearance-focused society that we can easily forget about a person’s value beyond their looks.

There are lots of reasons to get to know someone you’re not instantly attracted to. Here are just 11 of them.

1. You might really get on.

A man and a woman smiling and clinking wine glasses, each filled with red wine. The man has short dark hair and wears a green and blue checkered shirt. The woman has long red hair and wears a white top. They appear to be in a warmly lit setting.

Even if you do not find your date physically attractive, you might still enjoy getting to know them.

If you have similar values and interests, you’ll probably enjoy their company a lot more than sitting and staring at someone and thinking about how attractive they are!

If you’ve met or matched with them, there’s clearly something that attracted you to them—focus on their personality and what you like about them, not just how they look.

2. Looks aren’t everything.

A man and woman are holding hands while walking on a bridge during sunset. The man, wearing a red T-shirt and beige shorts, has long dreadlocks. The woman, dressed in a white tank top, plaid shirt tied at the waist, and denim shorts, is smiling at him. A car is visible in the background.

Many people spend their time swiping on dating apps, making snap judgments based on people’s appearances, scrolling through Instagram, and adding filters to their photos to make themselves look ‘better.’

But there is more to being attractive than how someone looks!

The more open you are to getting to know someone, the more likely you are to find a genuine connection and someone who is a good match for you in the long term.

You’re not shallow for wanting to be with someone attractive, but an emotional connection matters more in the end.

3. You can be more yourself.

A man and woman sit at an outdoor table, smiling at each other while holding glasses of white wine. Both are wearing light-colored clothing, and the ambiance suggests a relaxed, pleasant conversation. The background is blurred but hints at a cobblestone surface.

When we find someone very physically attractive, we become more self-conscious.

You’re probably a lot more focused on how you come across when on a date with someone you fancy, because you want them to fancy you too!

Perhaps you present a different version of yourself or go along with what you think they want you to be because you’re so keen to impress them.

By dating someone you’re not physically attracted to, you’re likely to feel a lot less pressure to ‘perform’ and you can just be yourself and chill.

Less pressure can also help you overcome any dating anxiety you might have.

4. It lets you get to know them.

A man and a woman sit at a table in a modern, well-lit café, smiling and having a conversation. The man holds a cup of coffee, and the woman has a glass of orange juice with a straw. The background features large windows with daylight streaming in.

When we’re attracted to how someone looks, we can overlook their personality.

We get distracted by how much we want to kiss them and don’t pay enough attention to what they are saying or the personality traits they are demonstrating.

We’re also more likely to rush into something physical if we’re very attracted to someone.

If you take the time to get to know someone that you’re not physically attracted to, you’ll be talking a lot more, having deeper conversations, and getting to know who they are behind their looks.

5. Your usual type doesn’t work anyway.

A woman with glasses, wearing a light brown sweater, sips from a white cup. A bearded man, partially visible in the foreground, also holds a white cup. The background is blurred with green plants and shelves. They appear to be in a cozy, casual setting.

So, you might not instantly think they’re super hot, but, realistically, how many times has that ended well for you?

A lot of us have a type, but, if we’re being honest with ourselves, our type isn’t always right for us.

It’s worth meeting other people and seeing how different a relationship could be if you stop going for your usual type and branch out a bit.

6. You’ve got nothing to lose.

A man with short brown hair and a beard smiles at a woman with long brown hair in an outdoor setting. Both are dressed casually in green jackets, standing close together with trees and sunlight filtering through the background, creating a serene atmosphere.

The only real risk of dating someone you’re not attracted to is spending an evening with someone that doesn’t go that well.

And really bad dates are quite rare anyway—it’ll probably be enjoyable in some way.

As long as you don’t lie or lead the other person on, you may as well hang out with them and get to know them more. You might be pleasantly surprised.

7. You’ll learn something about yourself.

A man in a blue suit, bow tie, and glasses is sitting at a table in a restaurant, engaging in conversation with a woman with blonde hair, who is turned away from the camera. The table has a metal cup and some food items on it.

By spending time with someone you might not normally date, you’ll be forced to have new conversations and think about different things.

Maybe you’ll feel less nervous than normal and can be more open about things you love that you might normally try to hide from someone you fancy.

You might learn more about yourself and the things you’re keen on when you have the opportunity to talk freely and explore different subjects.

8. Attraction can grow.

A person dressed in white sits at a table with a salad in front of them, while another person pours red wine into their glass. The setting appears to be a modern, well-lit restaurant with wooden shelves and minimalist decor in the background.

Attraction can take time to develop, so don’t feel disappointed if there aren’t any fireworks on the first date.

They might have been nervous and less confident than they normally are, so it’s worth giving them a second chance and seeing how another date goes.

You might end up finding their personality so attractive that the physical attraction blossoms over time.

If you enjoy spending time with them, they make you laugh, and you feel good when you’re with them, it’s worth seeing if the physical attraction grows.

9. You might make a new friend.

A man and a woman are sitting on a white sofa, smiling and looking at each other. The man is wearing a green long-sleeve shirt and jeans, while the woman is wearing a blue long-sleeve shirt and jeans and holding a yellow cup. Books and a red jar are in the background.

You might get to know your date more and realize that the physical attraction just won’t happen.

This is completely fine, and you shouldn’t feel any pressure to force it! But you might find that you both want to be friends still because you have lots in common.

As long as you’re both honest about how you feel and you’re not stringing the other person along, coming away with a new friendship is a good outcome.

10. Love isn’t just physical.

A woman with dark hair smiles while holding a glass of red wine, looking at a man with his back to the camera. The scene is outdoors with greenery in the background. The woman is wearing a sleeveless top and large hoop earrings.

Love isn’t just about wanting to sleep with someone—that’s lust!

It’s easy to get confused by how your feelings should… feel.

Not everyone is going to give you fireworks and make you want to jump on them, and that’s okay.

You can have healthy relationships with people even if their looks don’t quite match what you thought your dream partner would be like.

11. It helps you figure out what you don’t want.

A man wearing sunglasses and a checkered shirt looks to the side while sitting on a bench in a park. A woman with long brown hair, wearing a blue button-up shirt, sits next to him looking down. The background features trees with autumn leaves.

Sometimes, you need to experience something that doesn’t work for you in order to realize what you’re really looking for.

If you’re not attracted to someone and it doesn’t end in a relationship, you can still come away from it with more awareness of what does work for you and what kind of partner you’re looking for.

Finally..

A man and woman are smiling as they get ready to fly a colorful kite in a sunlit park. The man holds the kite above his head while the woman stands close, looking at the kite. Trees with green foliage surround them, and soft sunlight filters through the branches.

Dating someone you’re not physically attracted to can be a great way to learn more about yourself. And it gives you the chance to get to know people you might normally overlook.

You’ll probably have a fun time, even if it’s platonic and doesn’t go anywhere romantic.

If you come out of this with a friend, you’ve still gained something.

If you’re pleasantly surprised and end up falling for them? Even better.