If You Recognize These 11 Signs, You Care Too Much About Being Liked

The Dangers Of Being A People Pleaser

A woman with long dark hair, wearing a striped blouse, is sitting at a desk and smiling. The desk has a notebook, colorful pens, a take-out coffee cup, and various office supplies. In the background, there is a wooden shelf with books and a potted plant.

We all want to be liked. There’s nothing wrong with that.

And when did being a nice person become such a bad thing? In an increasingly self-absorbed world, we need more selfless people, right?

Right. But taken too far, people pleasing at the expense of our own needs can cause long-term physical and mental harm.

Here are just some of the negative effects. If you recognize them, it’s time to consider whether your need to be liked is doing you more harm than good.

1. You feel frustrated, angry, and resentful.

A woman in a black t-shirt and blue jeans stands indoors, holding her head with both hands, appearing frustrated or stressed. A wooden room divider, a wall painting, and a plant are visible in the background.

There comes a time when you just can’t bend over backward anymore. You’ve made so many concessions, gone out of your way so many times, inconvenienced yourself for other people so much so that you can’t do it anymore.

And they’re still not satisfied.

That’s when the anger builds up and the frustration starts to bubble over. Can’t they see how much pressure you’re under for them? All you do is give and give. Do they even appreciate it? You’re the only person who does anything around here.

Because you lack the skills to talk about your feelings or ask for help, you keep quiet. Since you never complain, no one is aware that there’s a problem. So you let the anger and frustration simmer and stew and grow into resentment.

Eventually, you descend into passive aggressiveness because confronting conflict head-on is too much to ask for. Or worse yet, one day, out of the blue, you explode.

Your efforts to keep other people happy have stretched your physical and mental resources beyond your capacity to handle them.

2. People take advantage of you.

A frustrated woman sits with her head in her hand at a desk, surrounded by several hands holding a phone, a paper, and pointing to a wristwatch, indicating she is overwhelmed with demands. A tablet and laptop are on the desk.

Have you ever had a friend who seemed to only attract users and abusers as romantic partners? There was just something about them that brought the douche bags out in full throng.

Well, you are that friend. Only, you can’t see it.

Like a moth to a flame, abusive people and narcissists flock to your side. Because they’re looking for those they can easily manipulate, they recognize the signs in you. They don’t even have to work that hard because you’re so eager to please. You never complain, are always available to help, and will make up excuses for their terrible treatment. You’re the perfect victim.

They abuse you with impunity and ignore your boundaries because they know you’ll do what they want. You might even apologize for any toil their abuse of you has caused them.

3. Your relationships don’t truly satisfy you.

A woman with curly blonde hair and a serious expression looks at a man with straight brown hair who is out of focus in the foreground. Both are dressed warmly, suggesting a cool day. The background appears to be an urban setting with modern buildings.

Relationships are supposed to be about give-and-take. But you realize that you’re always giving and the other person is always taking.

Or you don’t think the other person knows the real you. You don’t feel “seen” by the people closest to you. Maybe your relationship started off with your partner making all the decisions, with you going along without a peep. Now, years down the line, you realize you resent not having a say in anything.

Whatever it is, you’re not satisfied with your relationships, romantic or otherwise. You feel taken for granted and not cared for.

4. You suffer from stress, burnout, and anxiety.

A male mechanic wearing a grey t-shirt and blue overalls sits at a cluttered workbench in a dimly lit garage. He looks tired, wiping sweat from his forehead with a white towel draped over his shoulder. Various tools and equipment are scattered around the workspace.

Constantly under pressure, feeling stressed out, anxious, and near burnout have become the norm for you.

You’re stressed out because you’ve stretched yourself out too thin trying to please everybody. Worrying about what everyone thinks of you or if they’re happy or mad at you has left you feeling extremely anxious.

With no thought to refueling or self-care, you’re one step away from a full-on breakdown.

5. Your partners and friends are frustrated with you.

A woman with shoulder-length hair in a casual outfit appears upset, gesturing with her hands while talking to a man sitting nearby. The man, wearing a white T-shirt, has his head down and his hands covering his face, seemingly distressed. They are indoors.

The people who truly care about you are frustrated with your people-pleasing behavior because they can see the toll it’s taking on you. They don’t like the effect it’s having on your physical or mental health.

But you refuse to listen. They hate the way other people walk all over you, but you’re quick to excuse the offensive behavior.

Sometimes, you mistake their concern for jealousy of your new relationships.

Your partners and friends see you giving so much of yourself to others that you don’t have enough left over for them. It’s almost as if they come last on your list of priorities when they actually have your best interests at heart.

6. You ignore your own goals and dreams.

A woman with brown hair is shown resting her face in her hand, appearing distressed or tired. She is wearing a white shirt, and the background is blurred, indicating an indoor setting with indistinct objects.

Whilst you’re busy using your mental resources to make sure everyone else has what they want or need, you don’t have enough willpower to devote to your own needs and goals.

Simply put, you’re too exhausted to work on yourself. You’ve used your limited emotional, mental, and physical resources to cater to everyone else. You’ve got nothing left in the tank for yourself.

So your dreams and aspirations remain unfulfilled until you give up and just forget all about them.

7. You suffer from a loss of self.

A person with long brown hair, red lipstick, and a black beanie stands outdoors in front of bare branches. They are wearing a denim jacket with a fleece collar and have a thoughtful expression. The branches have small buds on them.

For so long you’ve hidden under a facade, pretending to be whoever you thought others wanted you to be. You’ve spent years changing and adjusting in line with whichever social group you’re a part of at the moment. You’ve lost all sight of yourself. The mask, the pretense, has left you feeling disconnected from what you truly think and feel.

You are so worried about how people would respond to the real you that you don’t even know who you are anymore. Sometimes, you are not sure of your own emotions because you’ve been so successful at hiding your feelings, you can no longer recognize them.

Keeping your feelings locked up inside, you distrust them and view them as wrong and less important than others.

8. Many of your relationships are shallow.

A woman with long brown hair wearing a light pink blouse looks thoughtfully at another person, who is partially visible and facing away from the camera. They are in an indoor setting with soft lighting and greenery in the background.

Because you don’t let people see the real you, you develop superficial relationships with other people. You never talk about your feelings or your problems, thus keeping the relationship at the acquaintance level.

In order to accommodate others, you hide your thoughts, feelings, and preferences, which makes it impossible for other people to really know you.

Most of your relationships are based on dishonesty because you’ve lied about who you really are, what you want in a relationship, or even something as simple as what you think in a conversation. Such falsehood makes it impossible to be known or for anyone to know how to connect with you on a deep, meaningful level.

9. You are out of touch with your emotions.

A man with a beard and short hair sits on a red leather couch, looking pensively out the window. He is wearing a maroon button-up shirt, and there is a potted plant in the background with large windows letting in natural light.

To keep the peace and not rock the boat, you suppress any emotion that is outside of happy. Somewhere along the way, you’ve convinced yourself that your feelings don’t matter or that the way you felt about something or someone was wrong.

So, instead of talking about the incident and how it made you feel, you ignore it. Surely, you think, there is a logical reason why the other party did what they did.

Or maybe you grew up in an environment where you learned that your feelings on a matter were wrong. Perhaps you didn’t have the right to express anger or sadness because you were a child. What could you possibly be angry or sad about?

As a result, you’ve learned to hide all emotions except happiness. You push everything else down inside because not only are they wrong but also because no one cares about how you feel.

10. You feel like a fake.

A woman with long, auburn hair looks pensively into the distance with her hand resting on her chin. Behind her, a blurred seascape under a clear sky is visible, capturing a serene, contemplative moment by the ocean.

Over the years, you’ve created a persona that you feel most people like. It’s your go-to mask that you put on when you interact with others. Any attempt to look beyond the mask is met with swift resistance.

You put yourself under extreme pressure to maintain your false self-image. Since you don’t even know who you are, it’s even more important you keep the mask on at all costs, even when it is suffocating you.

The pressure to be who you aren’t is enormous. The pressure to be who you aren’t, when you have no clue who you really are, is unimaginable.

11. You can’t enjoy yourself.

A woman with light hair sits pensively on a couch, resting her chin on her hand. She is wearing a light brown sweater and looking slightly to the side. The background is softly blurred, showing a cozy indoor setting with natural light coming through the windows.

There is no way you can enjoy yourself when you’re busy worrying whether everyone else is having a good time. Most of the time, you are so busy thinking about the happiness and comfort of others that you aren’t even considered.

You might be at a party, running around making sure everyone has food or drinks and is having a good time, not even remembering that you haven’t eaten since the morning.

Without the least bit of consideration for your own well-being and comfort, you run around making sure everyone is comfortable.