11 Classy Ways To Respond When Someone Puts You Down

How To Handle People Who Belittle You

A man in a blue suit and glasses is talking to a woman in a black dress who is holding a coffee cup. They are standing outside a modern building with large windows, and both wear ID badges. The woman crosses her arms and listens attentively.

There are two parts to handling put-downs: how you respond to the offending person, and how you handle the effect a put-down has on you.

1. Don’t attack them in return.

Two colleagues sit at a desk engaged in a conversation. The woman in the white shirt smiles while listening attentively, resting her chin on her hand. The man in the foreground is gesturing as he speaks. A laptop and papers are visible on the desk.

The first and most important point to take on board is to never fight fire with fire.

In other words, don’t be tempted to use a put-down of your own to hurt them like they hurt you.

Remember, an eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind.

So, what should you do instead?

Well, as hard as it might be, one way of breaking free from the effects of the put-down is to empathize with the person who said it.

Keep in mind and consider that, in many cases, they are saying hurtful words from their own position of pain and/or misery.

They are wounded and are lashing out to try to find some comfort.

This doesn’t mean you have to allow this sort of behavior to continue unchecked, but it does allow you to approach the situation from a calmer and more diplomatic position.

2. Laugh it off.

Three people are standing in an office setting. One person holds a tablet and gestures towards it, engaging with two others. One individual holds a coffee cup while the other smiles and looks at a notebook. Large windows are visible in the background.

A good way to respond to a put-down is to simply laugh at it.

The person who said it will likely be confused by this response, but by showing how little it affected you, you might persuade them to think twice about doing it again.

If you’re in a group of people, it also gives you a position of strength because self-deprecating humor can make other people warm to you, and not to the perpetrator.

3. Say thank you.

Two men are sitting in an office. The man on the left, wearing a blue shirt, is looking down while the man on the right, in a white shirt, is smiling, holding a smartphone. The background is blurred, with light coming from overhead lamps and a computer screen visible.

You might be wondering why on earth you would thank someone who has just made fun of you or belittled you in some way.

Well, just like laughter, a thank you can help to disarm the situation and put you in a good light if there are other people present.

Of course, you don’t have to just say thank you, you might say something like:

“Thank you for your opinion, but I wholeheartedly disagree.”

“Thank you for such high praise!” (Said with a sarcastic and ironic tone.)

“Thank you. I look forward to proving you wrong.” (When someone has cast doubts on your ability or likely success.)

4. Tell them how it makes you feel.

A woman stands at a table discussing something with a group of colleagues in a bright office. She is gesturing with her hands while the others, seated, listen and look at documents. A laptop sits open on the table in front of one of the seated men.

Only take this approach if the person who put you down is someone you care about and who cares about you – a good friend, a family member (one who you have a good relationship with), a partner.

In relationships like these, you should feel able to be honest about how the other person has made you feel.

Perhaps something was said in the heat of the moment when tempers were raised.

Or maybe they thought they were being funny and didn’t realize how their words would affect you.

Or perhaps, as hinted at above, they were trying to give you some honest, but hard to hear, advice and it simply came out wrong.

Whatever the situation, responding with, “Perhaps you didn’t intend it to be, but what you just said was quite hurtful,” can make them stop and consider their actions.

Many times, you’ll find the other person to be quite apologetic.

It is best to say this straight away if you can, because it avoids the whole, “I don’t remember saying that” saga if you bring it up at a later date.

5. Exit the situation.

An older man with white hair and a beard passionately gestures with his hand while speaking to a younger, bearded man in a blue shirt who looks frustrated. They are sitting in a modern, brightly lit kitchen.

If you don’t think being honest is the right approach, or the person is not someone close to you, you could always choose to walk away from them.

You don’t have to be rude about it. You can just say, “Well, I’ve got to go and do X,” or “On that note, I think it’s best I go now.”

If you are with a group of people and you don’t want to leave entirely, you could just disappear for a few minutes to let the conversation move on to something else.

Maybe use the time to go to the toilet, get some fresh air, order some food or drink, or make a quick phone call.

Then come back and rejoin the group once you’ve had a chance to process the put down and get your emotions in check.

6. Say goodbye to repeat offenders.

A woman with curly hair is seated indoors, resting her head on her hand, looking thoughtful or concerned. She wears a green blouse and a white top. In the background, a person is sitting on the floor, blurred and out of focus. The mood is contemplative.

If a person often puts you down or makes fun of you, you might wish to get rid of them from your life.

Not all friends are really your friends. Not all family members deserve your time and attention. Not all co-workers require a friendship outside of work. And not all partners are meant to be.

Even if you are unable to say goodbye completely, you can look to minimize the interaction you have with this person.

You can keep things to basic pleasantries and refuse to engage in anything more than is required.

7. Be prepared to defend others who suffer a putdown.

A group of four young adults, three males and one female, sit on the floor of a room with brick walls and large windows. They are engaged in discussion, with notebooks, pens, and smartphones spread out around them. Sunlight streams in, creating a warm atmosphere.

If you know how bad it can feel to be on the receiving end of a putdown, it pays to step in when someone else is targeted.

You can defend them, state your disagreement with the perpetrator, and make it clear to all those involved that that sort of behavior is not acceptable.

Not only can this convince the individual amongst a group of friends or co-workers to think twice before saying something similar in the future, it can encourage others to come to your defense if you are ever the target.

If you have their back, they will be more likely to have yours in return.

8. Realize their comments reflect on them, NOT you.

Two young women are sitting at a wooden table. One woman, holding a pen, writes on a notebook while looking at the other woman, who is wearing a green sweater and holding a smartphone, also gazing back attentively. They are in a modern, industrial-style room.

It’s not easy to hear mean words said about you and not be impacted by them in your heart and mind.

At first, the best you can do is to not take their comments personally.

Whatever they say, it’s a reflection of their own insecurities, their own troubles, their own past, and their own warped mindset.

They have expressed a view – perhaps one they don’t even truly believe – for one reason or another, but it is just their view, nothing more.

Remember your power: the power to consciously choose how you react emotionally.

You don’t have to let it affect you.

It is difficult… it really is. BUT, with time and practice, you can reach a point where the spiteful words of others don’t affect you.

9. Consider the counter-evidence.

An older man with white hair and glasses is engaged in a serious conversation with a younger man with a beard. They are sitting on a gray couch in a well-lit room, facing each other, with the older man gesturing with his hands.

One of the things you can practice to help you deal with put-downs is to take what the other person has said and come up with all of the reasons you can think of as to why it is untrue.

You do this in your mind, and not out loud to the other person.

This reminds you to focus on your positivity and not their negativity.

It says, “I hear you; I just don’t agree with you.”

Any difficult emotions that have arisen due to the comments can be challenged and turned on their head when you realize that you know the real truth.

Eventually, your mind will be able to counter the negative comments in real-time so that you can bat them away without ever having let them permeate your mind.

10. Put things firmly in perspective.

A woman with long dark hair sits at a desk in an office, looking thoughtfully to the side. She is wearing a white blouse and has her hands clasped under her chin. In front of her, there's an open laptop. The background is modern with wooden elements and plants.

You have a heck of a lot to celebrate in your life…

…people who care about you and believe in you.

…things you have worked hard at and achieved.

…pastimes you enjoy doing.

…moments to treasure.

The question you have to ask yourself is whether you are going to allow someone else’s unkind words to overwhelm all of these things you have to be grateful for.

As difficult as it might be to put your emotions to one side in the heat of the moment, try to reflect on how insignificant the put down really is.

It is unlikely to have any effect on your life outside of what you allow.

Sure, if a person repeatedly puts you down, it will certainly affect your relationship with them, but you have control over this.

You might choose to not have that person in your life anymore, for instance.

But their words don’t hold any power over you by themselves.

11. Ask whether there was anything constructive in the putdown.

A man with short brown hair and a beard, wearing a dark jacket, sits on wooden steps with his elbows resting on his knees and his hands clasped in front of his face, appearing deep in thought. The background features wooden railings and a blurred natural setting.

Some people are quite rash with their choice of words. They may express themselves in ways that don’t quite reflect their underlying thoughts or opinions.

Without realizing it, they say something insulting, when they meant to say something constructive.

Whilst nine times out of ten this won’t be the case, it’s good to be on the lookout for that one time when what they said was meant in a different way.

You don’t have to let them off the hook entirely if this is the case, but you can take on board the constructive message underlying the poorly chosen words.

Finally…

Two women sitting at an outdoor café table, enjoying colorful drinks garnished with mint. Both are wearing stylish, sleeveless tops and sitting on wicker chairs. A smartphone is on the table, and a potted plant adds greenery to the scene.