12 Disturbing Narcissistic Behaviors You Should Never Overlook

Familiarize yourself with these definitions of a narcissist’s behavior.

A person with light hair and blue eyes is standing in front of a mirror, gently touching their temples with both hands. They appear to be looking closely at their reflection, possibly inspecting their skin or face. The background has a green tiled wall.

The 12 definitions that follow are cornerstones of the narcissist’s playbook, so be sure to familiarize yourself with them. Having this knowledge will help you identify when you’re dealing with a narcissist and how to avoid their manipulative mind games.

1. Love-Bombing

A couple sits on a couch. The woman, wearing a yellow sweater, holds a bowl of popcorn. The man, wearing a gray t-shirt, is feeding her a piece of popcorn, smiling warmly. A plant and a white brick wall with a painting are in the background.

When a narcissist is trying to establish dominance and control with a new victim, they’ll often shower them with love, affection, gifts, and attention. This “love-bombing” is used to force a sense of trust in a vulnerable or unsuspecting target, while also making their recipient feel obligated to reciprocate.

2. Idealization

A couple shares an intimate moment. The man, with long blond hair and a red shirt, holds the woman, who has short blond hair and wears a striped top. She leans into him with her eyes closed and a content expression, while his tattooed hand rests gently on her shoulder.

When a narcissist is in a new relationship, they’ll treat it like a blank slate that’s full of raw, perfect potential. They’ll see their new victim as their ideal match, and elevate them on a personal pedestal. Everything is possible in this new partnership, which fills them with hope and delight.

3. Future Faking

A man and a woman sit on the sand by a wooden fence at the beach. The man, with a beard and sunglasses, wears a light blue shirt and khaki shorts. The woman, smiling, wears an off-shoulder light blue dress, and they appear to be enjoying each other's company.

Narcissists charm their victims so effectively because they can morph into their target’s ideal partner. Part of this involves “future faking”, in which the narcissist will pretend to plan a future with their target. They lie, make false promises about plans, and may even fake actions they’ve taken, like buying plane tickets.

4. Mirroring

A couple walks hand in hand along a sandy beach, facing the ocean. The woman is wearing a wide-brimmed hat and a striped dress, while the man is dressed in a light blue shirt and dark shorts. Waves gently crash in the background under a clear blue sky.

If you’ve had a narcissist partner before, you may have been surprised and delighted to discover just how much the two of you had in common. That was intentional. Narcissists do their homework to find out what their target loves best, so they appear to magically share (i.e. “mirror”) all their interests.

5. Crazy-Making (Also Called “Baiting”)

A woman with blonde hair dressed in a white T-shirt and jeans is gesturing and appears to be expressing frustration or arguing with another person. The second person, who has curly hair and is wearing a striped shirt, has their back to the camera. They are in a kitchen.

If a narcissist feels like they aren’t getting enough of their victim’s energy or attention, they may antagonize them to get a reaction. This may involve sabotaging their plans, or picking a fight by accusing them of some wrongdoing, which they then need to defend or explain to their abuser’s satisfaction.

6. Gaslighting

A woman with a bun leans her head on her hand, looking distressed. A man in a blue shirt stands in front of her, gesturing with his hands as if explaining or arguing. The atmosphere appears tense. The background is indoors with neutral colors.

When a narcissist is confronted about their behavior, they’ll treat their accuser like they’re crazy or imply that whatever they’re talking about never happened. The goal is to try and make their victim doubt their own judgment and memory, keeping them perpetually off balance and dependent on their abuser.

7. Hoovering

A woman with a short, dark bob haircut and tattoos on her arms holds a smartphone to her ear. She is wearing a black t-shirt and standing outdoors with blurred buildings in the background, likely at sunset, as the light is soft and warm.

If the narcissist’s victim doesn’t follow along with the playbook as desired and tries to break free from the relationship, the abuser will try to draw them back in—like a vacuum cleaner (hoover). The techniques they use may include apologies, promises to change, and gifts, but also threats, including self-harm.

8. Devaluation

A close-up of a woman covering her ears with her hands, looking distressed and facing away. Behind her, a man is shouting aggressively, with his mouth wide open. Both are indoors with a neutral background. The scene conveys a sense of conflict and emotional distress.

When the shine wears off the new relationship and the narcissist begins to lose control, their happy feelings towards their victim go sour. During the devaluation process, they become increasingly more critical and cruel. They’ll feel so put off by their partner that they can easily go from criticism to full-on abuse.

9. Victim Playing

A man with a serious expression points to himself with both thumbs. He is wearing a light blue shirt, a dark gray vest, and a blue patterned tie, standing in front of an orange background.

If the narcissist can’t control others through threats or manipulation anymore, they’ll turn to playing victim instead. They always want to be perceived as the innocent, injured party who is suffering immense harm at the hands of those who perpetually take them for granted and hurt them for no reason whatsoever.

10. Smear Campaign

A close-up of two people sharing a secret. One person, who is out of focus, is whispering into the ear of the other, who has a serious expression and short hair, looking intently at the camera. The background is a soft, textured blue.

When a narcissist’s victim builds up enough strength to cut them off, the abuser will desperately try to control the narrative by implying all manner of awful things about them. The narcissist’s goal is to get their social network’s support, while simultaneously discrediting anything their victim says about the situation.

11. Flying Monkeys

A woman with shoulder-length brown hair concentrates intensely while looking at a smartphone in her hands. She is sitting indoors, with bookshelves in the background. The lighting is dim, creating a serious atmosphere.

This term comes from the minions in the Wizard of Oz film that were sent out by the Wicked Witch of the West to do her bidding. It refers to the people whom a narcissist will recruit to contact their estranged victim once they’ve gone “no-contact” with their abuser, in an attempt to manipulate that victim further.

12. Narcissistic Supply

A person wearing a wide-brimmed straw hat and round black sunglasses stands against a bright background. The hat casts intricate shadow patterns on their face. They wear a denim jacket, a multi-layered necklace, and have long, loose hair.

This is a common phrase that refers to the energy that a narcissist desperately needs in order to feel valued. While it may revolve around attention and emotional energy, it may also encompass physical affection, gifts, or admiration/respect from peers and other important people the abuser holds in high esteem.