9 Dignified Ways To Handle Someone Who Humiliates You In Public

No One Deserves To Be Humiliated

A woman with blonde hair and glasses confidently stands with her arms crossed and a slight smile in an office setting. In the background, a man in a suit is angrily throwing papers in the air. The scene looks tense but she appears composed.

Social dynamics can be strange at times. It would be great if we could all get along in a positive, constructive way.

You get together with your friends and everyone has a good time because they treat each other with respect and dignity.

Unfortunately, that’s not how it always works out.

Some people just love to push boundaries, make inappropriate jokes, or raise themselves up at the expense of someone else.

These people may needle you, undermine you, or even try to humiliate you in public. And sometimes those people aren’t just casual acquaintances or friends; sometimes it’s your partner or a family member.

How do you deal with someone who humiliates you in public? Well, it really depends on who that someone is…

If the person is a stranger…

Three men are engaged in a conversation in a dimly lit setting with an exposed brick wall in the background. Two men in white and patterned button-down shirts are facing a man with dark hair, who is seen from behind. They appear animated and focused.

No one likes to be messed with by a random stranger, casual acquaintance, or friend of a friend.

They mouth off, cause problems for you, and you obviously need to stand up for yourself! Right?

Wrong. Do this instead.

1. Leave (and leave your ego along with it).

Four men in a bar are engaged in a heated argument. Two men, one in a plaid shirt and the other in a light blue shirt, are being held back by their friends. Glasses of beer are on the table in the foreground, and the scene is tense, with dramatic lighting.

A person who is acting hostile to other people they don’t know is a wild card. It’s hard to tell what is actually going on in that person’s head.

Maybe they are having some mental troubles that are causing them to act erratically. Maybe they’re on drugs or drunk, with their inhibitions down and their impulsiveness amped up.

You can’t ever be truly sure of what’s going on in another person’s head, but if they are acting out or hostile, it’s probably not good.

Check your ego and pride. If someone is causing problems for you or trying to get at you, leave the area as soon as possible. It’s a much better choice than getting shot or stabbed because they’re unstable, high, or drunk.

If they are incredibly disorderly, a call to the police after you’re safe might be a better option.

If the person is your friend…

Two women are sitting outdoors at a table, engaged in conversation. One has blonde hair and is seen from the back. The other has dark hair with bangs, red lipstick, and is stirring a drink, looking attentively at the blonde woman. The background is blurred with greenery.

People say and do dumb stuff sometimes. They may make an insensitive comment or not realize that they are being hurtful. So how do you deal with a friend in this situation?

2. Call them out.

Two women are sitting and holding white mugs while engaging in conversation. The woman on the left has long, wavy hair and wears a teal top, while the woman on the right has short hair and wears a reddish-brown top. Lush green plants are visible in the background.

Call out the action directly through direct language, “Hey. I don’t appreciate you saying XYZ about me. It’s hurtful.”

Then gauge their reaction.

Do they take your complaint seriously? Or do they somehow try to blow it off?

Hopefully, they take your complaint seriously, because that means they respect your opinion and your boundary.

3. Re-evaluate the friendship.

Two women, each with blonde hair, are standing and facing a colorful wall with square artworks. They are holding and sipping from wine glasses filled with a red beverage. One wears a checkered blazer, and the other wears a red top with a brown vest.

But they might not. They might blow you off, tell you that you’re being too sensitive, or just flat out ignore you. In that scenario, it may be best to just leave and get away from the person.

But it’s also time to do some serious reevaluation of the friendship to make sure you understand that you’re on the same page with that person.

Do you overvalue the friendship? Is that person actually your friend? Are they there for you when they can be? Are they contributing positively to the friendship and your life? Are you doing the same thing for them?

4. Have a private conversation with them.

Two women sit at a wooden table in a cafe, engaging in an animated conversation. One woman has red hair and wears a white blazer, while the other has dark hair tied up and wears a black blazer. Each has a small cup of coffee in front of them beside a laptop.

If the friendship pros outweigh the cons, it may be helpful to have a private conversation with the person about their behavior or actions.

Maybe they apologize; maybe it’s time to build a new boundary. Perhaps the person is a great person a majority of the time but turns into a total jerk when they’re drunk. It’s okay to not want to be around the person while they’re drinking in that case.

Or maybe they’re just mean-spirited more often than not, and you realize that they aren’t truly your friend. It may be time to end the friendship if they are just using you to aggrandize themselves at your expense.

If the person is your partner…

A woman with long dark hair and a scarf gazes at a man with short brown hair and a beard. They are sitting closely in a bus or tram, leaning on a handrail, looking at each other with slight smiles. The sunlit window suggests it's daytime.

A partner humiliating you in public is a major problem because it indicates a lack of respect.

Your partner should be someone who respects you and treats you with respect in front of other people.

So how do you handle them?

5. Figure out their intention.

A woman with long blonde hair and a nose piercing stands outdoors, facing a man with a beard. Bright green leaves are visible in the background. Both individuals appear to be engaged in a conversation.

Again, it comes down to intent and the person’s behavior. Was this a mistake? Or is this a repeated thing? What are the circumstances in which the disrespect is happening?

Some people completely change the way they socialize when they are alone with you versus when they are with their friends and family.

If they mistreat you in front of friends and family, that’s a bad sign because it tells you that their friends and family are okay with that behavior too (assuming they didn’t reprimand your partner).

You don’t want to get pulled into a toxic or destructive circle that you might have a hard time getting out of.

6. Set firm boundaries.

A woman sitting on a couch raises her hand to signal stop, turning her head away from a man who appears to be talking to her. She looks upset, while the man, wearing a yellow shirt, gestures with his hands, seemingly trying to explain or communicate something.

Setting the boundary for yourself, that you will not accept being treated disrespectfully, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. By setting it, you will quickly find out who is respectful and worth being around, and who is not.

Do not waste your valuable time on people who do not treat you with respect – even if this means ending a relationship with someone you love and care for. After all, they clearly don’t feel quite the same way about you or they wouldn’t be treating you so poorly.

Yes, people sometimes say the wrong thing or crack an insensitive joke. But repeated humiliation and disrespect is not something that you should tolerate from anyone.

If the person is a family member…

Four people are seated around a table, enjoying a meal together. The table is set with various dishes, including a salad, bread, and other foods. The setting appears to be a home with large windows in the background, allowing natural light to illuminate the scene.

Things can get quite complicated where family is concerned. Boundaries are often lower amongst family members and people feel more able to speak poorly toward each other.

Just remember that this does not make humiliation and ridicule any more acceptable.

So how do you deal with humiliation from a family member?

7. Address the issue head on.

An elderly man with glasses and a beige cardigan stands in the foreground, holding a cane and looking to the side. A younger man with a beard, wearing a brown jacket, stands in the background with his hands outstretched, appearing to talk to the older man.

If someone in your family is talking or acting badly toward you in front of other members of your family, you need to be straight with them and address the issue. And it’s better to do this sooner rather than later so that the other person doesn’t believe what they’re doing is okay.

8. Don’t involve other family members.

Three people are engaged in a heated conversation in a brightly lit room. A man in the center is gesturing towards an older woman on the left, who appears frustrated. A younger woman on the right is observing the interaction solemnly. Shelves with various items are in the background.

Resist the temptation to involve the other family members present in the conflict (which is what it is). It doesn’t pay to try to get others on your side because they may not take your side for one reason or another.

Perhaps they think that’s just how Uncle Joe is, for example, and that you should accept him and his mean and belittling comments for what they are because he’s always been that way and he doesn’t mean anything by it.

9. Be prepared to cut ties.

Two women are depicted in the image. In the foreground, an older woman with short brown hair looks down thoughtfully, with her fist against her mouth. In the background, a younger woman, facing away, appears to be deep in thought as well.

Unfortunately, some family members simply cannot get on. It might be a genuine clash of personalities, or they may regularly act in a toxic manner toward you (and other people for that matter).

Cutting ties with toxic family is hard because there will be repercussions for your relationship with other members of your family.

But it might be a necessary last resort to take if the other person doesn’t stop humiliating you, or you are unable to grow a thick skin when dealing with them (which you shouldn’t feel you have to do if you’d rather not deal with them at all.)

Whoever it is, remember: it’s not about you.

A woman with long dark hair sits at a wooden table with a cup of coffee, gesturing emotionally and appearing upset. Across from her, a man with short blond hair listens intently. They are in a cozy indoor setting with daylight coming through the windows.

Emotionally healthy, well-balanced people do not humiliate other people in public on purpose. They might do it accidentally by saying the wrong thing or taking a wrong action.

And if it is a one-off occurrence that is out of character for the person, then it may be something to just forgive and forget after you’ve voiced your displeasure over the situation. Chances are pretty good they didn’t understand that they made a mistake and will offer an apology.

People who do it on purpose or regularly, on the other hand, are usually trying to make up for their own shortcomings.

They likely feel they are not good enough or interesting enough, so they need to try to bring other people down to their level to feel good about themselves.

This may look like mean-spirited teasing, making you the butt of their jokes, or undermining what you have to say. These people generally stink of insecurity.

Then you have the people who are just mean and angry. They seek to bring others down because they are miserable people. If they’re not happy, why should you be?

If they see something is bringing you joy, they may call it stupid or immature so that they can steal away your happiness and bring you more to their level.

Some people just like to destroy. Others are reminded of their own unhappiness by being around happy people, so they want to disrupt that.

Personality clashes can also cause social static that wouldn’t exist in a more harmonious group.

Some people view roasting or messing with each other as the glue that holds their friendship together. And if you are a sensitive person who takes offense at that kind of thing, you may find that it’s just not the right personality fit for you.

A sensitive person may find a casual roast as something offensive, uncomfortable, or humiliating – and that’s okay.

You’re allowed to have boundaries on how people treat you. You just also need to be okay with the boundaries of others too.