13 Sophisticated Ways To Shut Down A Judgmental Person

Judgmental People Are Hard Work

Two women are sitting at a table in a cozy café, both focused on their smartphones. One is showing something on her phone to the other, who is smiling. A cup of coffee is on the table in front of them, creating a casual, relaxed atmosphere.

Dealing with judgmental people is never easy. When you’re constantly inundated with negativity from a person, it can wear you down on many levels.

If their judgment is directed toward you, your self-esteem may suffer from their constant, never-ending criticisms. Similarly, if they’re constantly judging and complaining about others, you may feel like you’re drowning in negativity all the time.

So how do you deal with people who are judgy and critical all the time? Do you just cut them out of your lives? Or try to work with them as they are?

Let’s take a look at your various options when dealing with judgmental people.

1. Choose not to be harmed.

A woman with light brown hair tied back is sitting and smiling at a man who is facing away from the camera. She is holding a white mug with both hands and wearing a beige cardigan over a grey shirt. They appear to be in a relaxed, comfortable conversation.

The great thing about emotional responses is that we can choose whether to feel a certain way or not. As the great Stoic Marcus Aurelius said, “choose not to be harmed and you won’t feel harmed.”

In simplest terms, a judgmental person’s behavior can only affect you if you allow it.

Let’s say you meet someone and they’re highly judgmental toward you, your family, your friends, etc. They might be critical of your appearance, or what you do for a living. Maybe they imply that your children are unattractive, or speak poorly about people you care about.

In most people, this would provoke an instant knee-jerk response of anger or offense. They’d immediately want to defend the people they love. They’d feel a need to counteract or contradict the other person’s judgment and criticism, and attack them for making them feel bad.

There’s a better option, and that’s to just not let their words affect you.

2. Picture them as a small child.

Think about what they’re saying, and ask yourself if you’d be this upset or offended if the same words came from a small child. If a five-year-old told you that you were ugly, would you be upset or offended? Or would you feel bemused and just laugh or shrug it off?

Same idea. Treat anything they have to say like water off a duck’s back. Keep your emotions in check, and don’t allow yourself to be unnerved or defensive about their opinions.

3. Be ambivalent.

Two women with long hair sit at an outdoor cafe table, smiling and holding white mugs. One wears a navy blue top, and the other has a white top. There are blurred city buildings in the background with a sunlit ambiance.

The first thing to do here is to ask yourself why you feel a need to respond to them at all. If a person is being judgmental toward you, it’s a projection of who they are and rarely has anything to do with you.

For example, a person who battles with their weight may condemn others for being fat, or those who subscribe to a particular religion might accuse those of others faiths of being stupid or “lost.”

If someone is being critical of you, the best thing you can do is to practice ambivalence. So what if they are? Do you need to respond to what their saying? Furthermore, are they behaving in a judgmental manner specifically to get a reaction out of you?

More often than not, the most effective thing you can do is not to give them any of your energy.

4. Don’t react.

A man wearing glasses, a beige blazer, and a white turtleneck holds a coffee cup while talking to a woman with curly hair, wearing a plaid shirt and holding a black notebook. They are standing in a modern office with large windows in the background.

Display neutral body language and give others your attention instead of them. This shows the offender that their opinion simply doesn’t matter. This prevents your energy from being wasted in a useless back-and-forth exchange, and doesn’t dignify their spitefulness with a response.

In fact, instead of rising to whatever bait they’re waving at you, it’s better to show them that their opinion means absolutely nothing to you. Then play it by ear after that.

If they intensify their efforts to criticize you, or get louder in their judgment of others, get up and leave. Don’t explain to them why you’re leaving, as that acknowledges that they actually said something. Just remove yourself from that mess.

This is a perfect example of responding to a situation rather than reacting to it. With a reaction, you may lash out at a person who’s hurting you to either make it stop, or hurt them back. When you respond instead, you can take a few deep breaths, look at the situation from a distanced perspective, and either change the subject or leave.

5. View them through neutral eyes.

A woman with long braided hair sits at a wooden table in a modern café. She is holding a cup of coffee in one hand and talking on a mobile phone with the other. She is dressed in a light blue shirt with white stripes, and the background features minimalist decor.

This part is a bit more complicated, as there are many moving parts to the situation.

First and foremost, ascertain what kind of a person they are – both in that moment and in general. Is this a person who’s usually quite kind, but is going through a rough patch? Are they feeling resentful toward another person or a situation, but can’t express that, so they’re venting in other directions?

For example, is this a normally devout and tolerant person who is suddenly being really awful to those of other religions? It could be that they’re having a crisis of faith and don’t know how to channel that. Similarly, are they hypocritically criticizing other people for behaviors they themselves display?

6. Consider why their judgment bothers you.

A group of four colleagues are in a heated discussion at a conference table. One person is standing with arms outstretched, appearing frustrated. The others are seated, one with crossed arms and another holding a document. There are coffee cups and a laptop on the table.

Secondly, try to determine why you feel slighted by their judgmental attitude. Are you feeling insecure about your appearance, career, life choices, or other subject that they’re being judgy about? If so, is your sensitivity causing a stronger emotional reaction than is warranted in that moment?

Let’s say that your long-term relationship or marriage is coming to an end, but you haven’t discussed it openly with anyone. If the judgmental person starts criticizing those who are divorced, that may push on one of your sore spots. Ordinarily you wouldn’t really care, but now it’s hurtful. In this instance, remember your reaction is as much about you as it is about them.

7. Don’t assume they’ll listen to logic.

A woman with long hair and glasses is sitting at a table, engaging in a conversation with a man wearing a gray sweater. They are indoors near a window with sunlight streaming in, and there are cups and a laptop on the table.

Things get a bit more complicated if you’re dealing with ignorance and gaslighting. Perhaps someone is calling you crazy or stupid for believing in something that is proven to be true, but they refuse to believe.

Logically, presenting that person with evidence proving your point should, in theory, validate your stance. But if you’re dealing with someone who chooses ignorance and spite, they won’t acknowledge anything you have to say. This can be immensely frustrating, especially for someone who really values truth.

In cases like this, it’s best not to engage. If they’re judgmental about something, just be dismissive of what they’re saying, and once again, either change the subject, or leave.

8. Ask if there is a lesson to be learned in their words.

A woman with short blonde hair gently holds the face of a younger woman with long blonde hair, both looking at each other lovingly. They are in front of a light grey door with a circular knocker. The scene captures a tender moment of connection.

If you can disengage emotionally so you’re not in immediate wrath mode, take a moment to consider what they have to say, and whether they have a point.

For instance, are they making judgmental comments about how messy your house is? Take a look around and see if they have grounds for criticism. If your place looks like a tornado tore through it, then there may be a truth here that you’ve just been ignoring.

Acknowledging that can suck, as it’s a hit to the ego when someone judges something about us that we know we need to work on. But it can also be a learning opportunity.

9. Don’t engage in tit-for-tat.

A woman with an expressive face gestures with her hands while talking to a man who looks surprised and confused. They are sitting at a wooden table in a cafe with drinks in front of them. The man wears a plaid shirt, and the woman wears a striped blouse.

While you’re being introspective, try not to fall down the rabbit hole of seeking their flaws and hypocrisies in turn. If you’re feeling hurt by them telling you that your house is a mess, your natural response might be an “oh yeah? Well, you smell like you haven’t bathed in a year” retort. They hurt you, so you may want to hurt them back.

That doesn’t help anything, and will likely just escalate the situation.

Remember that this person is likely frustrated and seeking catharsis and emotional feedback. If you get into a conflict cycle with them, it’ll just feed them on some level and continue the cycle.

10. Look beyond their judgments.

Two women are engaged in a conversation outdoors. One woman, wearing a red knitted beret and a white coat, is in focus and appears to be listening intently. The other woman, whose face is blurred, is talking. The background shows part of a green architectural structure.

If you love this person – either because they’re a family member or a close friend – you might seek to understand where their behavior stems from. Maybe even help them move past what’s making them so judgmental so they’re happier and healthier overall.

This is where we show measured kindness to the enemy, so to speak. The best way to neutralize judgmental behavior is often through love. Not in a sappy, mushy fashion but rather to show them (and onlookers) grace and kindness.

The worst thing to do to negative or sniping comments is respond with anger or the first insult that comes to mind. It’s likely that the other person has been brewing over small imagined slights for some time and has whole conversations ready in their heads.

By being genuinely kind, you disarm them and neutralize their poison on all levels. Furthermore, if you’re both kind and playful, they won’t know how to react to you and will often go silent as a result.

11. Don’t play their game.

Two women are smiling and talking while sitting outside. One woman, with short blonde hair, is looking up and wearing a light beige coat. The other woman, with long blonde hair and glasses, is looking at her and wearing a light beige puffer jacket. Trees and buildings are in the background.

Don’t play their game, and don’t answer their rudeness in turn. It’ll utterly deactivate their attack if you don’t allow their harsh demeanor to destroy your peace of mind.

What’s even more important is that this person will look weak, over-emotional, and petty to any intelligent onlookers nearby. They’ll witness scathing, judgmental attacks met by a chuckle and a shake of the head, and realize who’s in the wrong

12. Walk away.

Two women are standing outside in conversation. The woman on the right, wearing a black and white striped top, has her eyes closed and hand raised as if making a point. The woman on the left, with dark hair, is facing away from the camera.

If your goal is to continue a relationship with this individual, either because you feel they’re worthwhile or they’re inextricably bound to you, then let them blow up. You just calmly disengage and walk off, then call or text them a few days later to see if they’d like to discuss things again.

If they’re willing to discuss what happened openly, then you can take appropriate steps from there. Alternatively, if they launch into judgments once again, you can distance yourself again. After a few back-and-forth exchanges, you can determine whether they’re capable of healthy conversation as two adults, or merely bouncing from drama to drama for something to do.

Then decide how much time you want to devote to having this person in your life, if any.

13. Be clear and firm.

Two women are standing and engaged in a conversation. One woman is wearing a red blouse and the other is wearing a white blouse. They appear to be smiling and talking to each other naturally. The background features a light-colored indoor wall.

As mentioned before, you can protect your own energy and sovereignty by creating physical distance, if necessary. If the person doesn’t get the hint that you keep leaving the room when they go on a judgy tirade, however, you may have to clarify things to them.

The next time you’re overwhelmed by their ire and feel the need to withdraw, tell them very clearly that you have no desire to listen to their judgmental criticisms. You can say that you’re prepared to spend time with them if and when they can talk about something decent. Same goes for phone conversations, texts, etc.

Keep doing that, like training a small child or a puppy. Eventually they’ll learn the lesson that you won’t tolerate that kind of nonsense from them. In turn, they’ll either stop spewing judgmental stuff in your direction, or they’ll stop talking to you because you’re not enabling them.

Either way, win-win.

Finally…

Two women, both with long dark hair, sit at an outdoor café. They are facing each other and smiling. Both are wearing light-colored tops and sunglasses on their heads. A partially filled glass with a red drink is on the table in front of them.

Engaging with judgmental folks is usually a huge waste of time and energy. After all, you could instead be doing all manner of fun and productive things instead of raging about some passing word a relative said after one too many glasses of wine. By knowing yourself and seeing them as they are, you’ll be in the best possible position to decide how to proceed.

Ultimately, the best way to deal with judgmental people is to live your life as carefree as possible. Showing joy in the face of their ire often negates the harsh judgment, and makes them realize that their words have no effect on you.

Recognize that their judgment has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with them, and it’ll stop affecting you at all.