12 Subtle Signs You're Being Breadcrumbed

A young woman with long, wavy hair stands against a purple background, wearing a sparkly green dress. She holds a smartphone in one hand and has a surprised or confused expression, with her other hand raised in a questioning gesture.

To be “breadcrumbed” means that someone is leading you on by offering you tiny little interactions to keep you interested—rather like a breadcrumb trail to coax an animal to follow them. If you’re experiencing any of the signs below, then that’s likely what’s happening to you too.

1. They go long periods of time without contacting you.

A young man with brown hair, wearing a blue and green checkered shirt, sits against a tufted white background. He holds a smartphone to his lips, looking thoughtful and concerned.

You might text for a couple of hours one day, and then you won’t hear from them for a week. They’ll read what you send them but will leave you on “read” with no response, and will take several days to return your calls, if they call you back at all.

2. When you do hear from them, it’s usually because they want something.

A woman lies on a red and white checkered picnic blanket on a grassy lawn, propping her head up with her left hand while holding a smartphone in her right hand. She gazes to the left with a pensive or slightly annoyed expression, resting on her stomach.

After several days—or even weeks—have passed since your last interaction, they’ll suddenly get in touch and be terribly sweet and loving toward you. Then they’ll ask if you want to hook up that night, or if you can give them a ride somewhere, or lend them some money.

3. Conversations alternate between affectionate and distant.

A man with short dark hair and a beard is sitting in a gym, wearing a black athletic shirt, and looking at his smartphone. He has earphones in his ears and appears focused or contemplative. The gym equipment and a large air conditioning unit are visible in the background.

One day they’re texting you about how much they miss you (or are quite explicit about what they want to do with you the next time they see you), and the next, they’re sending single-word texts or talking to you like you’re barely even an acquaintance, let alone a lover.

4. They frequently cancel plans at the last minute.

A person with dreadlocks sits alone at a table, looking at their phone. They seem disinterested in the surroundings. In the background, a group of people are engaged in conversation and laughter while drinking at another table.

They’ll agree to get together with you in order to keep you content, but will always find an excuse to cancel plans at the eleventh hour. This will inevitably be something that’s beyond their control, like one of their children falling ill, or their boss asking them to work late.

5. They don’t share too many personal details about themselves.

A woman with long brown hair and a white sweater sits on a dark gray couch, looking intently at her smartphone. The background features potted plants, a kitchen counter with various items, and light gray walls.

When you try to get to know them a bit better by asking them personal questions, they change the subject or redirect the conversation to some other topic. This means you barely know who they are under the surface.

6. They avoid defining exactly what type of relationship you have with them.

A man and woman sit side by side outdoors, both appearing troubled and deep in thought. The woman, in a pink top, looks away to the left, while the man, in a blue button-down shirt, gazes downward. The background shows a blurred urban setting with buildings.

You have no idea where you stand with them because they refuse to discuss that with you. Are you friends with benefits? Or casually dating? Do they think that this relationship has long-term potential? Will you get to meet their family soon? You can’t know, because they refuse to talk about it.

7. They won’t discuss exclusivity with you.

A man and a woman are sitting back-to-back in an outdoor setting. The man is wearing a plaid shirt and looking to the left. The woman, with short blonde hair and a sleeveless top, is looking to the right with a slightly serious expression. Both appear deep in thought.

As with the definition above, this person will avoid talking about whether they’re seeing other people or not. Because of this, you don’t know whether to keep your options open, whether your health might be at risk because they’re being promiscuous, or if you’re even in a relationship with them.

8. Your online exchanges consist of memes.

A woman wearing reflective sunglasses and a yellow lace dress stands outdoors while looking at her smartphone. She is backlit by sunlight, with a building and greenery in the background.

You won’t hear from them for weeks, and suddenly they send you a silly meme or animation to “let you know they’re thinking of you”. This often happens if and when they aren’t being sufficiently entertained by others in their life, so they fish around for who might be available.

9. If they compliment you at all, it’s on your appearance.

A man with wavy blonde hair wearing a green jacket and a white shirt smiles at a woman with long blonde hair wearing a black jacket and a white shirt. They are outside, with blurred buildings in the background.

They might comment on how hot you look, or how much they like something you were wearing, and place immense emphasis on their physical attraction toward you. Things that are important to you, like your achievements, your intellect, and so on don’t matter to them at all, and may even annoy them if mentioned.

10. They don’t put any energy into knowing anything about you.

A man and woman sit at a table in an outdoor cafe, both resting their heads on their hands and looking downcast. The woman has long blonde hair and is wearing a white top and pink skirt. The man has short dark hair and is wearing a blue shirt.

This person never asks how you’re doing, how your work or schooling is going, or what your favorite foods, music, or anything else might be. All they’re interested in is how you can benefit them in the moment: as temporary online engagement while they’re watching TV, or that night’s bedroom conquest.

11. When you do get together, they don’t make an effort.

A man and woman sit on a sofa, looking concerned. The man holds an open book, while the woman rests her chin on her hands. The room features a coffee table with a white mug, a notebook, and a pen. A guitar leans against the wall, and a light-colored painting hangs above them.

If you go over to their place, they don’t bother to tidy up or make the space welcoming for you: it’s like you’re simply a takeout order. Similarly, they don’t bother to make any plans for going out with you, but may just suggest a pub meetup before getting intimate.

12. You feel as though you’re standing on shifting sands.

A young man and woman facing each other closely with intense expressions against a dark background. The man has long hair tied back and is wearing a white shirt. The woman has short, red hair and is wearing a brown top. Both have their hands gently on each other's shoulders.

One day, you may feel confident that you’re actually building something of value with this person, and then you’ll feel depressed or anxious because you haven’t heard from them in over a week. You have no idea where you stand with them, and they’re not offering you any solid answers.

An important note:

A young man and woman are sitting close together, embracing and looking into each other's eyes. The man has curly hair and a beard, wearing a denim jacket. The woman has straight shoulder-length hair and is wearing an orange jacket. A cityscape is visible in the background.

It’s important for you to determine whether you’re actually being “breadcrumbed”, or if this is all the person has to give. Sometimes, a person may not have much energy to put into a relationship they’re interested in, or they might be socially awkward or even damaged. Occasionally, it may take a bit more time for you to figure out why they’re behaving this way, but be sure to protect yourself while doing so.