If you want to stop attracting toxic people, you must face these 10 harsh truths

Say goodbye to toxic dynamics when you accept these truths.

A woman with dark hair stands against a plain beige wall, wearing a green dress with a button-down front. Her hands are on her hips, and she has a serious expression on her face.

Do you often have to deal with the toxic behaviors of others? Why do you think that is? Could it be that you are attracting toxic people into your life without realizing it? If you want less toxicity in your life, you have to face these truths.

1. A lack of boundaries equals a lack of respect.

A woman with blonde hair sits on a couch, looking thoughtful and slightly distressed, with her hand resting on her chin. In the background, a man with a beard sits with his arms crossed, gazing towards her with a serious expression. The setting appears to be a living room.

Boundaries communicate to other people that you have self-respect—that is, respect for your time, your emotional energy, and your well-being. A lack of boundaries communicates to toxic people that you are an easy target to take advantage of. Additionally, unenforced boundaries are even worse because then they know that you are soft on your own boundaries, and thus easy to manipulate.

2. You teach people how to treat you.

A woman with long red hair, wearing a light purple top and white pants, sits on a gray couch raising her hands defensively while talking to a man with a beard, wearing a white t-shirt and jeans, who is extending his hand towards her. They appear to be in a heated discussion.

You cannot tolerate poor behavior or disrespect. If you do, people will treat you however you let them treat you. You can’t make excuses or forgive toxic behavior otherwise it will be easy for toxic people to rope you in. Sometimes it’s best to just walk away from people who don’t treat you with respect.

3. Your insecurities can be easily exploited.

A woman with shoulder-length brown hair gazes thoughtfully out of a window. She is wearing a white shirt and stands in natural light, creating a serene and contemplative mood.

Toxic people often exist in a world with other toxic people and drama. Manipulation is common in that world. The people involved are often looking for any kind of leverage to use against others, so when they see your insecurities, they see leverage. You can counter this by working on your self-confidence.

4. Your need for external validation can be harmful.

Two people high-fiving outdoors with the sun setting behind them. The person on the left is wearing a red short-sleeved shirt, and the person on the right is wearing a black short-sleeved shirt and smiling. Trees and bright sunlight are visible in the background.

It’s easy for a toxic person to get close to someone who needs external validation. All it really requires is for the toxic person to give some compliments to start building a positive perception. After a time, the toxic person may manipulate you into doing what they need to earn their favor.

5. People-pleasing is a magnet for toxicity.

Two women are sitting at a table, smiling and holding up paper coffee cups in a toasting gesture. One is wearing a striped shirt and the other a pink sweater. Books and a smartphone are on the table, suggesting a study or work session.

Constantly trying to make others happy at the expense of your own happiness and well-being will attract predators. People-pleasers typically have poor boundaries, so a toxic person will be attracted because they assume they can take advantage of you.

6. Not everyone is worth saving.

A woman in a pink shirt gestures with her hands, appearing to talk to a man in a yellow shirt who is sitting on a gray couch with his arms crossed. They are in a modern living room with white walls, a potted plant, a fruit bowl on a table, and artwork on the wall.

Many idealists have a difficult time accepting that there are some people who aren’t worth saving. Toxic people who can’t or don’t want to change will drag you to their level. You may think you can save that person from themselves, but all that’ll happen is you walk away with new trauma.

7. Trusting too early makes you a target.

A man and a woman sit at an outdoor table, engaged in conversation and smiling. The scene is set on a patio with wicker chairs and a modern glass building in the background. Nearby greenery and a view of a grassy lawn create a serene atmosphere.

Trust is earned, not given. That is, a person needs to demonstrate trustworthy qualities before you invest a lot of trust in them. Granted, trust isn’t an on or off thing. There are different types and levels of trust. Still, you can’t let just anyone into your inner circle or they may take advantage of you.

8. Self-respect is not up for negotiation.

A person with brown hair neatly pulled back and parted in the middle is wearing a brown leather jacket over a blue knitted top. They are carrying a brown shoulder bag and standing in front of a brick wall background. They have a serious facial expression.

A person who lacks self-respect is an easy target. A toxic person may try to pick at or knock down your self-respect to make you an easier target. No one who has good, healthy intentions will want you to feel worse about yourself. Do not let other people make you question your self-respect.

9. You shouldn’t ignore red flags.

A woman with long dark hair wearing a red sweater is standing outdoors and looking directly at the camera with a serious expression. She is holding up her index finger as if to indicate "no" or "stop." The background is blurred.

Signs of toxic behavior are often present early on. Still, some ignore those red flags out of hope or denial. You can keep toxic people out of your life by recognizing and protecting yourself as early as you can. When someone tells you who they are, believe them.

10. You can’t change others, only yourself.

Two women with long dark hair sit on a beige couch, looking away from each other thoughtfully. One wears a denim jacket and rests her head on her hand, while the other wears a striped shirt and rests her chin on her hand with a slight smile.

You can’t control or change toxic people. They can only do that for themselves. Don’t waste your time trying to do that when you could be devoting that time and energy to improving yourself. It takes a lot of effort to meaningfully change oneself. Not everyone is up to that task.