People who use ‘being real’ as an excuse for being rude use these 14 phrases

Real Doesn’t Mean Rude

A young woman with blonde hair in a ponytail is sitting at a café table. She is holding a fork and is about to eat a slice of cheesecake on a white plate. There's a cup of coffee with a napkin next to her plate. The background shows a blurred view of buildings.

In today’s world, the concept of “keeping it real” has taken on a life of its own. Some people have embraced this idea to the point where they use it as a justification for rudeness. But is this really authenticity, or just an excuse for bad behavior? Here are 16 common phrases used by those who blur the line between honesty and insensitivity.

1. “No offense, but…”

Two men having a conversation in an office. One is seated, wearing glasses, a blue blazer, and holding a smartphone. The other is standing, wearing a white turtleneck and resting his arm on the back of the chair, looking at the seated man.

AKA “Brace yourself for the insult I’m about to deliver.” People who use this often believe they’re cushioning the blow, but in reality, they’re just announcing their intent to offend. It’s like a warning sign that says, “Hurtful comment ahead!” Instead of cushioning the impact, it often makes the following statement even more jarring.

2. “I’m not here to sugarcoat things.”

Two women are sitting at a cafe table, engaged in conversation. One woman is holding a blue coffee cup, while the other has a black cup on the table. Both are dressed warmly, with scarves. The background features a window with bright daylight outside.

People who say this often pride themselves on being direct. However, they forget that effective communication isn’t about being harsh, but about conveying messages clearly and considerately. There’s a middle ground between sugarcoating and being needlessly blunt.

3. “I’m just saying what everyone else is thinking.”

A woman with long brown hair wearing a light blue top is talking to a man with short hair and a beard, who is facing away from the camera. They are sitting outdoors, and the background is a blurred view of greenery and buildings.

This is a classic way of deflecting responsibility for your own words. The speaker assumes their thoughts are universal, which is rarely the case. Not everyone is thinking what they’re saying; they’re just projecting their own thoughts onto others. It’s a convenient way to dodge responsibility for their own potentially offensive opinions.

4. “This is me being brutally honest.”

A man wearing glasses, a beige blazer, and a white turtleneck holds a coffee cup while talking to a woman with curly hair, wearing a plaid shirt and holding a black notebook. They are standing in a modern office with large windows in the background.

Honesty doesn’t need to be brutal to be effective. Those who use this phrase often confuse cruelty with truth-telling. There are usually kinder ways to convey difficult truths without compromising the message.

5. “I call it like I see it.”

A man in a blue sweater and white shirt sits at a table, crossing his arms and smiling while talking to two people. One person has blond hair and the other has dark hair. There are plants, documents, and a bowl on the table, with large windows in the background.

While this sounds like a commitment to truth, it ignores the possibility that their perception could be flawed. It’s the verbal equivalent of a bull in a china shop – charging ahead based on limited information, potentially causing damage that could have been avoided with a more nuanced approach.

6. “I’m not one to beat around the bush.”

Four young adults are outdoors near a body of water. One person in the foreground is wearing a red jacket and beanie, gesturing as they talk to the other three, who are standing and sitting, listening intently. Their clothing suggests a casual, cool weather setting.

Direct communication can be valuable, for sure, but those who use this phrase often use it as a license for tactlessness. They forget that It’s possible (and sometimes preferable) to be direct without turning every interaction into a verbal ambush.

7. “Someone had to say it.”

A man with short brown hair and glasses is talking on a smartphone. He is wearing a blue button-down shirt and is standing near a window with natural light coming in. There is a blurry view of a bicycle and a plant in the background.

This phrase is often used to justify unnecessary or hurtful comments. It assumes that every thought needs to be expressed out loud (news flash: it doesn’t), ignoring the potential negative impact of such unfiltered communication.

8. “I’m just a straightforward shooter.”

A man in a blue shirt is sitting at a restaurant table with a plate of food, looking confused or frustrated as he talks to a female server who is out of focus. The table has a glass of wine. The background shows shelves with wine bottles and glasses.

Straightforwardness can be a virtue, but it shouldn’t come at the expense of empathy. Those who rely on this phrase often forget that communication is a two-way street. It’s not just about delivering information, it’s about ensuring that information is received and understood in a constructive manner.

9. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but…”

Three men are seated at a desk, engaged in a discussion. One man on the left is talking and gesturing with his hand. The man in the middle and the one on the right are listening attentively. A laptop, notebooks, and stationery are on the desk.

Rude people use this as an attempt to absolve themselves of responsibility for how a message is received. But communication isn’t just about intent; it’s also about impact. If you have to preface your statement with this phrase, maybe it’s worth reconsidering how you’re expressing yourself.

10. “You know me, I always speak my mind.”

A young woman wearing a floral beanie and a black jacket smiles and talks to a man in a brown leather jacket. They are sitting outdoors at a café, with a crowd of people walking by in the background.

While honesty is generally appreciated, those who constantly remind others of their propensity for “speaking their mind” often use it as a get-out-of-jail-free card for insensitive behavior. It assumes that the speaker’s commitment to candor exempts them from basic social niceties. (It doesn’t.)

11. “It’s not my fault they can’t handle the truth.”

Two women are seated and engaged in conversation at an outdoor café. The woman on the left is speaking, while the woman on the right listens attentively with a thoughtful expression. Both have long hair and are casually dressed, with sunglasses resting on their heads.

This shifts blame onto the listener, ignoring the speaker’s responsibility in how a message is delivered. It assumes that if someone is upset by what’s said, it’s their problem, not the speaker’s. The truth, when delivered with care and empathy, is rarely as unpalatable as these individuals seem to believe.

12. “This is just who I am, take it or leave it.”

A man in a gray suit and red tie sits on a chair with a laptop on his lap, smiling and talking on the phone. He appears to be in a modern, well-lit room with a neatly made bed in the background.

While self-acceptance is important, this phrase often serves as a refusal to grow or consider others’ feelings. It ignores the fact that personal growth actually often involves recognizing when our behavior negatively impacts others.

13. “That’s just my opinion, if they can’t handle it that’s their problem.”

Two elderly men sit on a couch in a living room. One man, in a green shirt, leans forward with his head in his hand, appearing distressed. The other man, in a maroon shirt, gestures with his hands as if offering advice or support. Shelves and a TV are in the background.

Opinions are like elbows. (Almost) everyone has them, but just because you have them doesn’t mean you need to jab people with them. Rude people use this phrase to dismiss the impact of their words, placing the entire burden of managing the fallout on the listener.

14. “I’m just keeping it real.”

A woman with long blonde hair and a dark shirt sits on a bed, shrugging with a playful, puzzled expression. She faces another person with short dark hair who is slightly out of focus. In the background, there are shelves, a clock, and a window letting in light.

Ah, the classic “keeping it real”. Often used as a final justification for rude behavior, this phrase confuses authenticity with insensitivity. Real doesn’t have to mean rude. True authenticity involves being true to oneself while also considering the feelings and perspectives of others. It’s about being real, not being really insensitive.