If you don’t share these 13 values, your relationship is not built to last

A lack of shared values means a lack of a shared future.

A man and a woman face each other, appearing to be in a serious conversation. They are outdoors near a body of water with greenery in the background. The woman has her hair tied back and wears a light jacket, while the man has short hair and wears a plaid shirt.

In any meaningful relationship, shared values form the foundation upon which a lasting connection is built. These values are the principles that guide our decisions, shape our behavior, and influence our interactions with others. When partners align on these fundamental beliefs, they create a strong, resilient bond that can weather life’s challenges. When they don’t, the relationship is living on borrowed time.

1. Trust

A man and woman sit together on a white bench outdoors on a sunny day. Both are wearing sunglasses and casual summer clothes. The woman, with long hair, smiles at the man while resting her hand on his shoulder. The background features greenery and a body of water.

Trust is the cornerstone of any healthy relationship. It allows partners to be vulnerable, fostering emotional intimacy and security. Without trust, suspicion and doubt can erode even the strongest connections. Couples who value trust create a safe space where they can be open and honest with each other, knowing they have each other’s best interests at heart.

2. Respect

A man and woman in casual clothing sit closely together, enjoying a breakfast in bed. The man holds a cup of coffee on a saucer towards the woman, who is smiling. A tray with a croissant is placed on the bed in front of them.

Mutual respect is crucial for maintaining individuality within a partnership. Valuing each other’s opinions, boundaries, and unique qualities creates a nurturing environment where both partners can grow. Respect means acknowledging differences without judgment and supporting each other’s personal growth. It’s about honoring your partner’s autonomy while nurturing your connection.

3. Open Communication

A man and a woman are sitting in a cozy cafe, each holding a cup of coffee. The man, dressed in a light shirt and dark pants, is smiling and making eye contact with the woman, who is slightly out of focus in the foreground. The cafe has a warm, inviting atmosphere.

The ability to express thoughts and feelings honestly is vital. Partners who value open communication create a safe space for sharing, leading to better understanding and fewer misunderstandings. This includes being willing to listen actively, express needs clearly, and discuss difficult topics without fear of judgment. Good communication builds intimacy and helps resolve conflicts effectively.

4. Loyalty

A man and woman stand against a weathered wall. The man, partially out of frame, wears a baseball-style shirt. The woman, in glasses and a leather jacket, looks past the camera. They hold hands, creating a contrast between their disjointed gazes and connected hands.

Loyalty goes beyond fidelity; it’s about standing by your partner through life’s ups and downs. This value strengthens the bond between partners and builds a sense of security in the relationship. Loyal partners prioritize their relationship, support each other’s goals, and maintain trust even when faced with challenges or temptations.

5. Shared Life Vision

A man and woman stand by a waterfront, arm in arm, smiling at each other. The scene is partially obstructed by the out-of-focus frame and engine of a motorcycle in the foreground, creating a sense of depth and context.

While individual goals are important, sharing a common vision for the future helps partners move forward together. This could involve career aspirations, family planning, or personal growth objectives. A shared life vision gives the relationship direction and purpose, ensuring both partners are working towards common goals and supporting each other’s dreams.

6. Authenticity

A man and woman sit on the grass, enjoying snacks. The man holds a guitar and dons a backpack, while both wear casual clothing. They are outdoors, possibly in a park, and in a relaxed, cheerful conversation.

Valuing authenticity means embracing each other’s true selves, flaws and all. It allows for genuine connection and prevents the buildup of resentment that can occur when one or both partners feel they can’t be themselves. Authentic partners are honest about their feelings, needs, and desires, creating a relationship built on truth and acceptance.

7. Compassion

A man and a woman are sitting close together, with their foreheads touching. The man has his arm around the woman in a comforting embrace. Both have their eyes closed, and the scene conveys a sense of intimacy and support.

A compassionate approach to each other’s struggles and shortcomings creates a supportive environment. This value helps partners navigate difficult times with empathy and understanding. Compassionate partners offer comfort during tough times, celebrate each other’s successes, and approach disagreements with kindness and patience. It fosters a deep emotional connection and mutual care.

8. Commitment

A smiling couple stands close together by a window, with their foreheads touching. The man has a beard and is wearing a green shirt, while the woman has her hair in a ponytail and is dressed in a striped shirt. Natural light illuminates the room.

Relationships face challenges, and a shared commitment to working through difficulties is essential. This value reflects a dedication to the partnership and a willingness to put in effort during tough times. Committed partners view their relationship as a priority, making conscious choices to nurture and protect their bond, even when it requires sacrifice or compromise.

9. Shared Interests

A woman in an orange tennis outfit and visor is preparing to return a tennis ball with her racquet. She is on a tennis court, with a male player in the background about to hit the ball. The background includes trees and a green fence.

While partners don’t need to enjoy all the same activities, valuing shared experiences helps create lasting memories and strengthens the bond between couples. Shared interests provide opportunities for quality time, fun, and growth together. They can also help partners maintain a sense of connection and excitement in their relationship over time.

10. Constructive Conflict Resolution

A woman with her hand on her forehead and a concerned expression stands beside a seated man leaning back in his chair, holding his head with one hand and a pill bottle in the other. They are surrounded by paperwork on a table in a dimly lit room.

Disagreements are inevitable, but valuing fair and respectful conflict resolution ensures that problems are addressed constructively rather than destructively. This involves listening to each other’s perspectives, finding compromise, and focusing on solutions rather than blame. Couples who master this skill can turn conflicts into opportunities for growth and deeper understanding.

11. Family Values

A man and a pregnant woman are lying on a couch, smiling and looking at each other. The man gently places his hand on the woman's baby bump, while the woman points at her belly. They are in a cozy indoor setting with soft lighting.

For couples considering children, alignment on parenting styles and family dynamics is crucial. Sharing similar values in this area can prevent major conflicts down the line. This includes agreeing on discipline methods, education choices, and the role of extended family. Even for couples without children, having compatible views on family relationships is important.

12. Financial Compatibility

A smiling couple sits on a couch, both looking at a large pink piggy bank. The man, wearing a blue shirt, is about to drop a coin into the piggy bank. The woman, in a red plaid shirt, watches closely. They appear happy and engaged in saving money.

Money matters can be a significant source of tension in relationships. Partners who share similar financial values or can find common ground in their approach to finances are better equipped to handle this aspect of life together. This includes aligning on spending habits, savings goals, and financial planning for the future.

13. Political and Social Values

Two individuals, a woman and a man, are casting ballots at white polling booths. They are located in front of a white brick wall, with an American flag to the side. The scene appears to take place indoors, possibly in a voting center.

While it’s possible to have a relationship with differing political views, sharing core social and political values can prevent significant conflicts. This includes having similar perspectives on human rights, social justice, and civic responsibilities. Aligning on these values ensures that partners can support each other’s beliefs and engage in meaningful discussions about important societal issues.