Why Do “Friends” Betray Each Other?
It can be surprising when someone you care about betrays your trust. Why would they do that to you?
It doesn’t always mean they are a terrible person. Humans are fallible. It’s a sad fact of life that most, if not all people will betray a friend at some point in their life, either consciously or unconsciously.
Here are the most common reasons why your friends will betray you eventually (and you them).
1. They don’t value the friendship as much as you.
One-sided friendships happen. In fact, they are sadly pretty common.
If you care more about your friendship than them, it makes it easier for them to betray you.
If your friend doesn’t value your friendship, they aren’t afraid of losing it either. So, backstabbing you is worth the risk to them.
Your friendship is less important to them than the thing they want to do that will hurt you.
They prioritize their happiness over a friendship that they are fine with losing.
2. They want a way out.
What if your friends betray you to sabotage your friendship? It happens.
If they don’t want to end the friendship directly, they could be two-faced to make the friendship end on its own.
At best, they don’t care if the friendship ends. At worst, they betray you on purpose because they want things to end.
They are too afraid to face you and tell you this, so they cause you a trauma to make you leave on your own.
It’s one of the more brutal explanations for friendship betrayal.
3. They make an impulsive mistake.
Let’s give your friends the benefit of the doubt. What if they don’t mean to hurt you?
If what they do is an impulsive mistake, they will feel bad about it, apologize, and try to make up for it.
Sometimes people do things out of impulse that they regret later on. If your friend regrets what they did, you might want to consider giving them a chance to regain your trust.
People make mistakes, and if your friend isn’t thinking straight when they do what they do, they probably don’t mean to cause you pain.
4. Poor mental health affects their decisions.
People sometimes do bad things because they’re suffering from stress, depression, anxiety, or some other mental health issue.
If your friend is suffering from poor mental health, try to show some understanding. People make mistakes when they can’t think straight.
If this happens, maybe they can explain to you what made them feel like it was the right choice at that precise moment.
Of course, you may not want to let them off the hook if this becomes repeated behavior. It is okay (healthy even) to let a friend go if their poor mental health is harming your well-being over a prolonged period of time.
5. They are mad at you.
People will want to hurt you when they are mad at you, even if they are your friends. It’s human nature. If you betray your friend first, they probably want to hurt you back.
But they could want to hurt you even if you do nothing to them. They could be mad at you because of a disagreement you had and decide to punish you by breaking your trust.
Backstabbing can often be used as a form of revenge or punishment.
6. They are just self-centered.
Does your friend only think about themselves? Do they prioritize their needs always? If your friend is self-centered, they probably put their happiness, needs, or wants above a friendship with you, and therefore they are likely to betray you eventually.
This kind of friend only cares about themselves and may even be a narcissist. To be honest, this is a classic sign of a fake friend who doesn’t really care about you.
It could be a situation where they had to choose between you and themselves, and they put themselves first like they always do.
7. They lose control of their emotions.
Emotions can cause people to do crazy things, and spiteful things as well. Your friend may betray you because they can’t control their emotions.
Maybe they are mad at you, in love with someone, or sad about something that happened. They could even be too drunk to control themselves or under the influence of drugs. If your friend would never betray you sober, they may do it because of too many drinks. It doesn’t make it right, but it’s a reason nonetheless.
8. They choose to prioritize their romantic relationship.
Most people will prioritize a romantic relationship over a friendship.
If your friend betrays you because they had to choose between their partner and you, it’s nothing personal. They just prioritized their romantic relationship.
This may not feel right to you, but it’s a choice most people will make in that situation.
Although friendships can last longer than romantic relationships, people tend to prioritize the latter.
Finally…
Friend betrayal is painful and confusing, often revealing more about the betrayer than the betrayed.
If (or should I say when) it happens to you, reflect on the friendship and possible reasons behind their actions. Open communication may help, and forgiveness may be possible depending on the size and cause of the betrayal. But prioritize your emotional well-being. Healthy friendships are built on mutual respect and trust and it’s okay to set boundaries or end consistently harmful relationships.