10 Disturbingly Common Behaviors That Signal Adult Bullying

Adult Bullying Is Real

Two women are engaged in a conversation at an office table. One woman with curly hair and glasses is speaking, holding a pen. The other woman, with straight hair, listens attentively with her chin resting on her hand. A laptop and pink mug are on the table.

Adult bullying is rarely addressed. However, social groups can often provide a setting for a power struggle, and with that comes mind games and the sinister world of domination.

Gone are the days where the playground muscle pinned you to the wall for your dinner money. That was horrific enough, but if you were lucky an adult would intervene.

Now you are the adult. Your personal esteem may be on the floor, and adult bullies have honed their skills. Subtle, sly, devious tactics may be difficult to expose. The mask of authority, money, or superior knowledge gives these dauntless souls power, leaving you questioning your own judgment of the situation.

So how do you recognize an adult bully, whilst battling your own fear of paranoia? Here are 10 signs you are the victim of adult bullying.

1. You find yourself on the outside.

A woman with a sad expression sits alone in the foreground of a café, looking down. In the background, three people sit together at a table, with two of them looking in her direction. The scene suggests a sense of isolation and contemplation.

If cliques and groups have formed and you find yourself on the outside, it may have been orchestrated by an individual whom enjoys group manipulation. They are the wolf dressed not in sheep’s clothing, but in shepherd’s clothing, herding their flock.

When faced with them on your own, you may feel lonely and vulnerable. Exclusion provides a double whammy. Your solitary status may make you an easy target for other bullies and, being seen as a loner, it can be hard to strike up friendships.

2. You’re being given the cold-shoulder.

A man with a serious expression is sitting alone at a café table, resting his chin on his hand. In the background, a group of people are conversing and laughing. The café has a casual atmosphere with dim lighting and blurred details.

The adult world of cold-shouldering – being purposely ignored – can very quickly make you feel insecure and insignificant. This can often be witnessed among parents on the school playground, or in the staff canteen. Don’t underestimate these passive aggressive acts; their ability to increase your feelings of anxiety can be debilitating. Furthermore, being left ‘out-of-the-loop’ at work can seriously hamper your ability to fulfill your employee obligations and may damage your career.

3. You’re being socially undermined.

A man in a blue shirt and glasses is pointing and talking to another man with glasses in an office setting. In the background, three people are working at computers near a bookshelf filled with various items. The setting has a modern, open-plan design.

Ostracism can develop into other behaviors that are linked to being socially undermined. Typical actions leave you feeling confused and unsure of how to react. Behaviors such as being talked down to in front of your peers, or having information withheld from you that leaves you looking unprofessional, are some of the ways a bully may socially undermine you.

4. But it’s not always obvious.

Three women in a modern studio engage in a lively discussion. One leans against the table holding a glass, another sits while pointing at papers, and the third stands with a drink. The workspace is adorned with fashion sketches, fabric swatches, colorful clothes racks, and flowers.

These can be delivered both in an obvious manner, that leaves you squirming with shame, or subtly, where you are left believing yourself to be overly sensitive or maybe a little paranoid. Subversive non-verbal marks of disrespect, such as eye rolling, can leave you apprehensive and may have the effect of silencing your participation in group communication. These acts are all played out in a public forum, providing protection to the bully, but making it particularly difficult for you to negotiate.

5. You’re being publicly humiliated.

A woman in a sleeveless black top gestures while speaking to a man in a white shirt in an office setting. Both are sitting at desks with computers. In the background, two other people are working at their desks. The office environment appears bright and modern.

Tying in directly with social undermining is the pain felt due to public humiliation. That inappropriate joke that leaves you on the back foot, derogatory remarks that make your cheeks burn with shame, and harsh judgments and put-downs that make you feel vulnerable and exposed, are all part of public humiliation.

All too often, this type of bullying happens in the workplace and is perpetrated by your superiors. Additionally, the rate of remarks based on gender, race, and orientation is still too high. Cultural improvements have been made in these areas, although sadly many bullies hold on to inappropriate biases and are quick to air them.

6. People are spreading gossip about you.

A woman stands in the foreground looking sad and concerned while three colleagues in the background whisper and laugh together in an office setting with glass walls.

In addition to these direct attacks, public humiliation can take the sly form of spreading gossip about the victim. Sadly, with technological advances, this covert way of bullying is too easily accessible through text and other forms of social media. Cyber bullying is not a misconduct ring-fenced by age.

7. Someone is plagiarizing your ideas.

Two men in suits are working together on laptops. The man on the left has a beard and is looking at the man on the right, who is focused on his screen. They are seated at a white desk against a white brick wall background.

Another common bullying scenario in the workplace is having your ideas intentionally mismanaged. Far too often, an adult bully will take credit for your work and deny you deserved praise. This praise may also take the form of financial rewards or promotion.

To dispute their actions can feel like you are being unnecessarily confrontational; not being a ‘team player.’ A good manager will happily bask in your reflected glory and help mentor you through your career. A bully will steal your ideas as their own and happily reap the rewards.

8. Or sabotaging your ideas.

Two colleagues are collaborating in a modern office space. A woman is seated, focused on a laptop, while a man stands beside her, pointing at the screen. Another person is in the foreground, partially blurred, using a phone. Office supplies are on the desk.

Alternatively, your suggestions may be sabotaged, communications ‘lost’ or never received. Worst still, you may be made the scapegoat for their own failed ideas and plans. Without evidence against your superior, it boils down to ‘your word against theirs,’ making you feel like they hold all the cards.

9. Someone is holding their power over you

Three colleagues are gathered around a desk, engaged in discussion while looking at a computer screen. The woman standing points at the screen, while the seated man and woman listen attentively. Another person is in the background, facing a whiteboard.

Do you feel that an individual, whom is in a senior position, is abusing their power? They appear to enjoy the subjugation of subordinates and peers alike. Hierarchical structures of organizations can facilitate this: superiors at work, older members of your family, people in prominent positions within clubs and societies, revered titles in religious groups or within society itself (policeman or politicians for example), will sometimes abuse their position of authority.

These dominant, aggressive personalities may be well known to their subordinates, but are rarely confronted over their actions. Subtle acts such as making unnecessary demands on your time through to more open aggressive behavior with the intention of causing you mental and/or physical harm may be displayed.

A bully’s social status, race, or gender allows domineering individuals to hide in plain sight. Antagonistic, controlling personalities, will throw temper tantrums at the drop of a hat in order to achieve their personal goals. Additionally, they may be ‘absolutely charming’ to those around you. They may be the very embodiment of ‘niceness’ to your peers, denying your allegations any plausibility.

10. You’re being threatened.

A woman with blonde hair dressed in a white T-shirt and jeans is gesturing and appears to be expressing frustration or arguing with another person. The second person, who has curly hair and is wearing a striped shirt, has their back to the camera. They are in a kitchen.

Threats of physical harm to your belongings, your property, those you love, or your own safety are the undeniable acts of a bully. This could manifest in key scrapes on your car’s paintwork, trespassing on your property, or reporting you to the police as a ‘suspect’ without reason.

The escalation of this intimidating behavior may happen slowly, gradually wearing you down, or dizzyingly fast paced, leaving you reeling in shock. Verbal assaults can quickly escalate into physical violation. This may come from a stranger or an infatuated associate. It could take the form of harassment and/or stalking and intensify to an aggravated assault. Sadly, this high level of bullying can materialize from someone we love/loved, twisting our emotions into a gag.

Finally…

Two women stand outdoors, facing each other against a backdrop of vibrant autumn leaves. One has black hair and wears a white turtleneck, while the other has blonde hair tied back in a ponytail and wears a red V-neck top. Both have serious expressions.

A person being deliberately cruel, in any form, is toxic. Nobody has the right to mentally or physically abuse you. The first stage is to recognize that someone is trying to manipulate you into the role of victim. However illusive they feel, recognize you do have choices. The action you choose to take will be individual to you and your circumstances. Seek support from trusted relationships or contact an appropriate charity. Make no mistake, beneath the ‘plausible’ excuses, a bully intends to hurt.