If You're Forever Chasing Happiness, You're Making These 12 Mistakes

Contentment Or Happiness?

A smiling elderly man is outdoors, wearing a beige coat, a matching flat cap, and a cozy scarf. He has glasses and appears content as he stands in a blurred outdoor setting, possibly a park or garden area.

Do you want to be happy? Of course! Who doesn’t want to be happy? Happiness is the goal that most of us are trying to attain. But is it the right goal?

Happiness is a fleeting emotion that you feel for a little while and then it moves on. People chase happiness because it feels amazing. In doing so, they lose the contentment of their life in the present.

Contentment, on the other hand, is a persistent state of satisfaction, peace, and fulfillment. It is understanding that you have enough within yourself to be okay, regardless of the circumstances you face.

Happiness is the wrong goal. The more you chase happiness, the more elusive it can turn out to be.

“If I just had this stuff, I would be happy.”

“If I just had this relationship, I would be happy.”

“If I just had this money, I would be happy.”

You know what? Those statements are true. Things, relationships, and money can make you happy or allow you to enjoy life again—but only for a little while. So stop wasting your time chasing happiness and find contentment instead. Starting with eradicating these behaviors.

1. Ignoring social connections.

A person with shoulder-length hair sits on the floor in a dimly lit room, leaning forward and staring intently at a laptop. They rest their head on one hand and appear focused, illuminated by the screen's light against a brick wall background.

Friendships and relationships serve an essential role in happiness and contentment. Humans are social creatures by nature. Being involved with other people causes the brain to produce endorphins and a variety of other hormones as a reward for socialization.

This is one reason why some people feel recharged after socializing—extroverts more than introverts.

Healthy, quality relationships improve your peace and quality of life. Ask yourself, “Does this relationship bring positivity or negativity to my life?” The answer isn’t always black and white. You may find that a relationship brings both.

In that case, you want to look at the long-term arc of the relationship. How has it been for you mostly? Because if it’s been a few good times dotted into years of bad times then it’s likely not healthy for you.

On the other side of the coin is solitude. We don’t always get the option to have quality relationships with healthy people. Sometimes you may find yourself alone. In that scenario, one must learn to be content while being alone. Times of solitude are a great opportunity to focus on yourself, your self-improvement, and doing things that you want to do solo.

For example, some people want the experience of solo traveling. That’s much easier to do when you’re not in a relationship or tied down to a location.

2. Being ungrateful.

A man in a plaid shirt sits at a dining table with an empty plate, holding a fork and knife, looking frustrated. In the background, a woman in a green shirt prepares food at the kitchen counter and looks back towards the man. The kitchen is modern and well-lit.

Gratitude is one of the most powerful tools you can use to build your happiness and feel content with life. An abundance mindset goes along with it.

People often spend their time looking around and mourning what they don’t have. They look at other people who may be doing better and think, “I want the big house. I want the fancy car. I want to be happy. I want to be content.”

That’s not entirely bad. It’s normal and healthy to want things. You should want to be able to support yourself, be healthy, be happy, have a roof over your head and financial security. But you need to try not to be envious of others who have more or are doing better.

It’s hard to notice the signs that you’re doing well in life when you’re focused on what you don’t have.

The person who spends much of their time pining for what they don’t have, angry at other people for doing better than them, and thinking about how happy they will be once they have those things are robbing themselves of peace and contentment in the present.

An abundance mindset goes along with gratitude. An abundance mindset shifts your thoughts from, “I’ll never get ahead.” to “There are opportunities all around me. I just need to find them.”

If you’re fortunate to have good things in your life, an abundance mindset helps you appreciate them more. “Life may not be perfect right now, but at least I have a roof over my head and a full stomach.”

The cynic will point out that, “It’s easy to be grateful when everything is going well. Much harder when your life is in the gutter.” Yes, they are correct. But it’s during those latter circumstances that things like gratitude are most important.

After all, not many people are trying to shift their mentality in a more positive direction when everything is going well, are they?

3. Stagnating your development.

A woman with long dark hair and a yellow sweater sits at a desk typing on a laptop in a classroom. Open notebooks and papers are on the desk in front of her. Rows of empty chairs and desks are visible in the background.

While contentment involves the acceptance of what is, it is often tied to working toward goals.

Working toward goals gives endorphin boosts which helps you feel happier, makes you healthier, and facilitates personal growth.

The important thing is to undertake tasks that challenge you. And if you don’t succeed? That’s okay! A failure doesn’t mean it’s the end. It just means you’ve learned what doesn’t work and now you can pivot to attempting something new. That lesson is wisdom; and the best way to gain wisdom is by experiencing things.

Satisfying challenges can also point you toward a purpose that offers fulfillment and peace. It may not necessarily be a peaceful challenge, so don’t mistake the two. Some people feel called to help disadvantaged people in difficult situations, which is fulfilling but not peaceful much of the time.

Not challenging yourself may be one reason why you aren’t satisfied with your life. Challenge yourself. Get out there, set some goals, and crush them!

4. Seeking perfection.

A woman with long, wavy hair examines a yellow plate closely with a frowning expression. She is standing in a bright kitchen with stacks of plates in front of her and potted plants on the windowsill in the background.

You are an imperfect person living in a difficult world that often expects more out of you than you can deliver. That can harm your self-love and self-esteem.

An acceptance of your imperfections lightens a heavy burden. You will always come up short by expecting too much of yourself.

Perfectionism is a problem. How can you be happy and content in the moment if you are constantly fretting over being perfect? There is no such thing as perfect. Not at all.

Let’s use writing as an example. The writer can agonize over their planning, words, and edits to get everything absolutely perfect—and the reader hates it because they just don’t like it.

“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach on the tree; but some people just don’t like peaches.”—Dita Von Teese

Instead of striving for perfect, allow yourself to strive for high quality in what you do. The best place to stop is when you find yourself starting to go back over fine changes you were making; trying to tweak the tweaks that you’ve already made.

5. Living in the past and future.

A woman with blonde hair, wearing a beige knit sweater, looks out a window with a pensive expression. One of her hands rests on the window frame while the other touches the glass. The atmosphere appears reflective and calm.

Mindfulness is an important practice to help you find peace in the moment and build a content life. The simplest way to think of mindfulness is to have your thoughts focused in the present moment.

But what does that look like?

Are you mourning the past? Grieving opportunities long gone? Missing people that you once had connections with? Well, your mind is in the past.

Are you telling yourself that you’ll be happy once you acquire that new thing? Are you hyping yourself up for some opportunity that may present itself? Are you worried about something that may or may not happen? Well, your mind is in the future.

Mindfulness is neither of those things. It focuses on the here and now because that’s all you truly have.

The past? It’s gone. There’s nothing you can do to change it. Of course, it’s easier said than done to let go of regrets, stop missing someone, or mourn lost opportunities. Still, we must try because that’s life. Not everything works out. Not everything has a happy ending.

The future? You have no idea what’s going to happen tomorrow. The best-laid plans can be shattered in an instant. The person you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with could die in a car accident on the way home from work. A turn in the economy could wipe out your job. A medical emergency could annihilate your savings. You have no control over any of them.

What you do have control over is what you do right now; what you can appreciate right now. Being able to live in the present moment is to discard those griefs of the past and not dwell on the worries of the future. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t consider the future at all. You should. You just don’t want your mind to live there.

6. Neglecting your physical health.

A woman in blue pajamas sits on a bed with her hands on her head, looking distressed. The room has white walls, a window, and a small bedside table with a bowl and a cup. Natural light illuminates the room.

Good physical health is tied to mental wellness, happiness, and contentment with life.

Exercising produces endorphins and stimulates the production of healthy hormones that help your body stay in good working condition. It can also help relieve depression, anxiety, and stress.

A good diet provides valuable fuel to your body instead of empty carbs and junk food that is only calorie-dense with little nutritional value. Energy drinks, sweetened drinks, and caffeine can overstimulate your nervous system causing additional anxiety, which creates more stress and worry.

Physical health also extends to practices like good sleep hygiene. Quality sleep is a cornerstone of good health as your body and mind replenish themselves from one day to the next. Anything you can do to improve your sleep will pay dividends for your health.

Your body and brain are machines; and it’s hard for those machines to run well without proper fuel and maintenance. Take care of them.

7. And your mental health.

A person wearing a green hoodie leans their forehead against a glass window, eyes closed and with a pensive expression. The background shows an air conditioning unit and part of a balcony or exterior structure.

The journey toward a content life starts in your mind. That’s a difficult journey to make when your mind is unquiet or unstable. Therefore, seeking help for and addressing one’s mental health concerns should be at the top of your list of priorities.

The best way to address your mental health is to speak with a certified mental health professional. Trauma, grief, depression, anxiety, and mental illness are all difficult challenges to overcome by yourself—mnost require professional assistance to get under control, manage, or resolve.

Do seek professional help if you find you can’t make progress on your own or you have self-destructive or suicidal thoughts, feelings, or impulses.

8. Ignoring boundaries.

Two women with blonde hair are indoors, having a serious discussion. The woman on the left, gesturing with her hand, appears to be speaking, while the woman on the right, sitting on a couch or bed, looks away with a thoughtful or dissatisfied expression.

A content life is a managed, often predictable life. Poor boundaries disturb that peace. By having poor boundaries, you are allowing external forces—other people—to dictate what you’re doing with your time.

The ability to say no determines how you get to use your time. It allows you to keep yourself out of situations and environments that aren’t right for you as well as avoid stressing yourself out with over-commitment.

“No.” is a complete sentence. Learn to use it when you need to protect your time and space.

Of course, life and people aren’t always that simple. For example, if you’re at work and your boss is trying to give you more work on top of everything else you have to do, a blunt “no” is likely to do more harm than good. You’ll need to find a better way to approach more sensitive situations.

A hard “no” can also disrupt your personal life. It may cause you to lose good friendships and relationships. In many cases, assuming the person doesn’t have ill-intent and isn’t trying to manipulate you, you’ll likely want to have more of a discussion than their request and your “no.”

Communication is an essential part of healthy friendships and relationships.

9. Staying in situations that are unhealthy for you.

A man and woman are sitting on a sofa engaged in a heated argument. The man is pointing his finger at the woman and appears to be shouting, while the woman looks away with a troubled and upset expression. The scene is tense and emotionally charged.

Environmental circumstances are often responsible for anxiety, depression, and stress. It’s difficult to feel calm, relaxed, and content when you’re surrounded by chaos, living in fear, or living around people who stress you out.

But it may not be that you’re choosing to be in that kind of situation. Some people find themselves trapped in poverty, in abusive relationships, or with unkind family members who don’t treat them well. You may be in a situation where changing your circumstances is far easier said than done.

Still, if you’re living in a situation like that, try to do whatever you can to create or find a new environment in which to relax and be content.

10. Living a complicated life.

A man with brown hair and a beard sits at a wooden table by a window, writing in a notebook. He is wearing a gray shirt. A glass of a dark beverage sits on the table, along with other items like books, a bread roll, and various kitchenware in the background.

A complicated life is rarely a peaceful, content life. The more things you are juggling, the more anxiety it causes, the more difficult everything tends to be.

Simplifying your life encourages contentment because you’re not spending an excessive amount of mental and emotional energy juggling all the balls that you need to.

How can you simplify your life? Look for the complicated things that take up your time and emotional bandwidth. Trim down the time you spend on them or remove them altogether.

A few suggestions include: developing a morning routine, setting simple monthly goals, planning meals for the coming week, buying a crockpot for simple delicious meals, and pre-planning workouts before you hit the gym.

Less is often more when you’re creating a content life.

11. Not balancing ambition and materialism.

A woman sits at a high glass table near large windows, working on her laptop and holding a phone. Next to her is a tall iced coffee. The view outside the windows shows a city skyline under a clear blue sky. She is dressed in a light shirt and black dress.

There is nothing wrong with ambition and some materialism. Preachers of anti-materialism are often taking a completely unrealistic stance in that all materialism is bad. Well, if you want to go by the dictionary definition of materialism, it’s to value physical comfort and possessions over spiritual needs.

What about people who aren’t that spiritual? What about spiritual people who enjoy having a roof over their heads and a full stomach? Sure, some people can have a content life on minimal possessions and hard circumstances. But can everyone? No. Even monks generally have a monastery or temple to live in.

You’re allowed to want and accomplish things. You’re allowed to have stuff and things you enjoy. The problem is a lack of balance. What you should avoid is burning yourself out to accomplish these things, valuing possessions as a path to contentment. You need to learn how to appreciate the things you DO have.

Things can make you happy for a while, but sooner or later they lose their luster and you start wanting more things. Pursue what you need, and enjoy the things that you want or have, but practice moderation. Don’t hinge your well-being, contentment, and happiness on things that are transitory.

12. Consuming negative media.

A middle-aged man with gray hair and glasses reads a newspaper at a table. He is wearing a checkered shirt and is focused on the content. A blue coffee cup is placed on the table next to him, and sunlight is streaming into the room.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “If it bleeds, it leads”? It’s a long-used phrase in news and media that talks about the penchant for people to be invested in the terrible things.

By “it leads,” they are saying that the story about the terrible thing should be front and center because it grabs the viewer’s attention. By “if it bleeds,” they are saying that the story needs to be something bad or negative, like someone getting hurt or something terrible happening.

All you need to do is turn on the news or tune into whatever rage-bait is floating around on social media to see it in full force.

Media, social media, and internet personalities often sell discontent because discontent sells—and it sells easily. If you want to grow your peace and create a content life, you need to tone down the chaos and anger you put into your brain.

That doesn’t mean you need to stop watching the news or withdraw altogether if you want to stay informed; but it does mean limiting how much you put into your brain.

Some people live their lives on social media or follow angry voices on the internet because anger helps them feel something. It’s easier to be angry than it is to admit you’re sad or fearful because a lot of people see sad and fearful as weakness.

You must limit the anger and disquiet that you subject yourself to if you want to feel content.

Finally…

A man with short, curly brown hair and a beard is smiling broadly at the camera. He is wearing a pink knitted sweater and standing in front of a dark, blurred background.

The pursuit of a content life is a worthy goal—a difficult goal, but a worthy goal. The more you work on what disturbs you, the greater peace and contentment you can create for yourself.

You are the creator and shaper of your life even though certain actions may be dictated by outside forces.

Still, you shouldn’t let that stop you from learning how to create a content life so you can create peace and happiness for yourself.