12 Toxic Behaviors That Show You're The Problem, Not Everyone Else

If you do these things, you’re very toxic.

A woman with dark sunglasses and a black off-the-shoulder top stands with arms crossed in front of a colorful backdrop made of vertical, multicolored stripes. She has a serious expression and wears her hair in a bun.

Most people are very quick to label others as “toxic”, without taking a long, hard look at their own actions to see if there’s any poison present. If you embody any of the behaviors and traits below, you may very well be the most toxic person in the room.

1. Hypocrisy.

A woman with dark hair stands against a plain beige wall, wearing a green dress with a button-down front. Her hands are on her hips, and she has a serious expression on her face.

Maybe you condemn behavior in others that you display on a regular basis. Or you have double standards in a “rules for thee but not for me” situation. If you think that it’s okay for you to do something, but nobody else is allowed that same privilege, then you’re a hypocrite.

2. Always cutting others down.

A man and a woman are having an intense conversation in a bright office with large windows overlooking a cityscape. The man looks surprised with his hands up, while the woman is pointing her finger at him, appearing to be frustrated. Both are dressed in business attire.

The only time we should look down on others is when we’re offering helping hands to raise them up. If you’re always putting other people down—whether it’s diminishing their achievements or insulting their appearance—ask yourself why you keep behaving in such a damaging, reprehensible manner.

3. Inconsistent principles.

Two women sit together at a table. One woman, wearing a scarf and leather jacket, looks upset and has her head resting on her hand. The other woman, wearing glasses and a denim shirt, looks at her with a concerned expression, offering support.

Your principles may change at any given moment, either depending on who you’re with, or to “win” at whatever you’re involved in. You may espouse eco-awareness and veganism one day to pander to the crowd you’re with, and then share your favorite pork BBQ recipe with the crowd you’re with the following afternoon.

4. Gossiping behind others’ backs.

Two women dressed in business attire stand close together. One woman points at the camera and smiles, while the other, who wears glasses, holds a disposable coffee cup and points as well. They appear to be outside against a wall with greenery in the background.

Having two faces isn’t a good look for anyone. If you act sweetly toward someone when they’re in front of you, only to make rude comments about them or talk about how much you dislike them as soon as they’re out of earshot, that’s as toxic as a cesspit.

5. Betraying confidences.

A close-up of a person partially covering their mouth with their hand, suggesting a gesture of silence or contemplation. The person is wearing a dark shirt, and the background is blurred, drawing attention to the hand and facial expression.

Things told to us in confidence should be sacrosanct. If a person has told you something deeply personal and asked you to keep it secret, and you turn around and share that information with everyone you know, you prove that you aren’t a person who can ever be trusted.

6. Creating hurtful or slanderous lies.

A man with short dark hair and a beard wearing orange-tinted sunglasses and a red sweater stands against a purple background. He has a slight smile and his hands are held together near his chest.

Maybe you find it amusing or satisfying to destroy other people’s reputations if they’ve upset you somehow. For example, if your partner ends your relationship, you might falsely accuse them of abuse (or even a felony) in order to get back at them for having the audacity to hurt you.

7. Making it clear that you prioritize one child over another.

A young child with blonde hair sits at a table, smiling and looking at a stack of pancakes on a green plate in front of them. The child is wearing a maroon shirt, and the background features a wooden chair and a blurred interior setting.

Are you always telling one of your children about their countless flaws, while simultaneously asking why they can’t be more like their sibling? Or showing your “golden child” preferential treatment as you behave contemptuously toward the one who’s annoying you? That’s some of the most toxic behavior a parent can ever exhibit.

8. Wilfully ignoring others’ struggles to achieve your desires.

A woman with long hair, wearing red devil horns, stands in front of a round mirror. She is making a playful winking gesture and pointing at herself with both thumbs. The lighting in the room casts a red glow, adding to the playful atmosphere.

You may have a mile-long list of desires and demands, either at work or in your personal life, which other people bend over backward to accommodate and provide for you, but you don’t seem to notice (or care) how much they might struggle to make these a reality.

9. Insulting strangers online for fun.

A person with facial cream and hair curlers types on a laptop while sitting on a couch. They are wearing a cozy robe and have an intense, focused expression. The background includes shelves with books and decorative items.

Do you enjoy insulting strangers online for fun, or muckraking in order to get people riled up? Maybe you get a sense of satisfaction when your phone blows up with notifications because you get strong reactions from your cruelty, knowing that your anonymous online presence protects you from consequences or retribution.

10. Invalidating others’ thoughts and feelings.

A woman with long dark hair, wearing a black leather jacket, is standing on an outdoor urban street lined with brick buildings and palm trees. She is looking to her right with a puzzled expression, her left thumb pointing behind her.

Do you tell people that they’re being overdramatic or oversensitive when they express their personal upset about things, but then demand reassurance and support about your own emotions? Behaving as though only your thoughts and feelings matter is horribly damaging behavior, and will inevitably push people out of your life.

11. Perpetually playing the victim.

Two women sit on outdoor steps. The woman on the left with long, brown hair and wearing a white top, appears concerned, looking at the woman on the right. The woman on the right, with blonde hair and wearing a green jacket, covers her face with her hands, looking distressed.

There are few behaviors as wretched as playing the victim in all circumstances. Are the negative things that happen to you always someone else’s fault? Is everyone else the problem because your actions are perfect and infallible at all times? Then you may not even realize how toxic you really are.

12. Justifying not paying those who have earned their wages.

A woman with long dark hair in a pink sweater is sitting at a restaurant table, gesturing with her hands while speaking to a person standing nearby. The table has a plate of food, a glass of white wine, and a smartphone on it. String lights are visible in the background.

You might pretend that there was something dead in your food to get out of paying for a meal, or dock your workers’ wages if they’re late because of childcare. Or worse: pretending that your workers made mistakes to justify not paying them what they deserve. That’s lower than the Mariana Trench.