Narcissists stroke their egos in private too.
In the realm of personality disorders, narcissism stands out for its insidious nature that is often masked by charm and charisma. While narcissists are known for their grandiose behavior in social settings, what happens when they’re alone? The answer is both fascinating and unsettling.
Behind closed doors, narcissists engage in a variety of activities to feed their insatiable ego, even in solitude. This article delves into the hidden world of narcissistic behavior, revealing 13 disturbing ways these individuals bolster their self-image when no one’s watching.
1. They get lost in elaborate fantasies of grandeur.
When alone, narcissists often retreat into a world of their own making, crafting intricate fantasies where they’re the undisputed star. These daydreams might involve scenarios of unlimited power, adoring fans, or unparalleled success. Such mental exercises serve to reinforce their inflated self-image, providing a temporary escape from reality. These fantasies aren’t mere idle thoughts; they’re a crucial part of maintaining the narcissist’s fragile ego, offering a tailored world where their perceived greatness goes unchallenged.
2. They obsessively curate and review their social media profiles.
Social media serves as a narcissist’s playground. When alone, they may spend hours meticulously curating their online presence, selecting only the most flattering photos and crafting posts designed to garner maximum attention. But it doesn’t stop at posting; narcissists often revisit their profiles repeatedly, basking in the glow of likes and comments. This digital self-admiration allows them to continually reinforce their idealized self-image, even in solitude.
3. They troll others online.
The anonymity of the internet provides narcissists with a perfect outlet for their darker impulses. When alone, they may engage in online trolling, leaving cruel comments or starting arguments on social media and forums. This behavior allows them to feel superior and powerful, feeding their ego through the perceived weakness of others. The distance provided by a screen emboldens them, allowing their most toxic traits to surface without immediate real-world consequences.
4. They mentally or physically catalog all the information they have gathered about others.
Knowledge is power, and narcissists crave both. In solitude, they often review and organize information they’ve collected about others, whether mentally or in physical form. This catalog of personal details, weaknesses, and secrets serves multiple purposes: it feeds their sense of superiority, provides ammunition for future manipulations, and reinforces their belief that they’re more observant and intelligent than others. This behavior is a manifestation of their need for control and their view of relationships as transactional.
5. They obsessively plan revenge against perceived slights.
A narcissist’s ego is easily bruised, and they don’t forget or forgive easily. When alone, they may devote considerable time to plotting revenge against those they feel have wronged them. These plans can range from simple social snubs to elaborate schemes of public humiliation. The act of planning itself provides a sense of power and control, soothing their wounded ego. It’s important to note that some of these revenge fantasies remain just that—fantasies—but the process of creating them is deeply satisfying to the narcissist.
6. They construct elaborate lies to tell others later.
Deception is a key tool in the narcissist’s arsenal, and solitude provides the perfect opportunity to hone this skill. They may spend time crafting complex lies or embellishing true stories to make themselves appear more impressive, successful, or victimized. These fabrications are designed to manipulate others’ perceptions, garner sympathy, or elevate their status. The process of creating these lies feeds their sense of superiority, as they imagine outwitting others with their clever deceptions.
7. They rehearse imaginary confrontations where they “win”.
In the theater of their mind, narcissists are always the victors. They may spend a lot of time rehearsing imaginary arguments or confrontations, always scripting themselves as the clever, unbeatable opponent. These mental exercises boost the narcissist’s confidence, prepare them for potential real-life confrontations, and provide a sense of triumph over others. This behavior reflects their deep-seated need to always be right and in control.
8. They rewrite past events in their mind to cast themselves as the hero.
History is malleable in the narcissist’s mind. When alone, they often revisit past events, subtly (or not so subtly) altering the narrative to portray themselves in a more favorable light. Failures are not their fault, criticisms transform into jealousy from others, and any successes are magnified. This revisionist approach to personal history allows the narcissist to maintain their grandiose self-image, dismissing any evidence that contradicts their perceived perfection.
9. They write self-aggrandizing journals or memoirs.
Many narcissists engage in journaling or memoir writing, but their approach is far from self-reflective. Instead, these writings serve as shrines to their perceived greatness. They may document their achievements (both real and imagined), wax poetic about their unique insights, or critique the shortcomings of others. This process allows them to create a tangible record of their inflated self-image, one they can revisit whenever their ego needs a boost.
10. They plan out scenarios where others will praise or admire them.
Adoration is the narcissist’s lifeblood, and they’re always seeking new sources. In solitude, they often choreograph future interactions or events where they’ll be the center of attention. They might plan grand gestures, rehearse impressive speeches, or imagine scenarios where they save the day. These mental exercises not only feed their ego but also prepare them to manipulate real-world situations to gain the admiration they crave.
11. They reinterpret past failures as others’ shortcomings.
Narcissists struggle to accept personal failures, as these experiences threaten their grandiose self-image. When alone, they often revisit past disappointments, mentally reframing them to shift blame onto others. A failed project becomes a tale of incompetent coworkers, a broken relationship transforms into a story of an unworthy partner. This reinterpretation allows them to preserve their sense of perfection and superiority, protecting their fragile ego from the threat of personal responsibility.
12. They craft and rehearse exaggerated stories of personal achievement.
Storytelling is an art form for narcissists, particularly when the story centers on them. In solitude, they may spend time embellishing their personal history, turning minor accomplishments into epic tales of triumph. They might practice these stories, honing the delivery for maximum impact. This process allows them to believe in their own exaggerated narrative and prepares them to impress (and potentially deceive) others with their tales of grandeur.
13. Some engage in extreme self-pampering rituals.
While self-care is generally positive, some narcissists (namely somatic narcissists) take it to an extreme. They may engage in elaborate grooming routines, luxurious baths, or other indulgent rituals. They do this because their appearance is of utmost importance to them. But these acts of self-pampering aren’t just about physical maintenance; they’re ceremonies of self-worship. Each ritual is an opportunity for the narcissist to admire themselves, feeding their ego through excessive self-focus and indulgence.
