12 Toxic Relationship Expectations That Signal You're Not Ready For Love

If you have these relationship expectations, please stay single.

A woman with short blonde hair and wearing a yellow jacket is standing close to a man with short, light hair who is wearing a brown shirt. The woman is holding the man's arm, and both are looking to the right. The background is white and well-lit.

It’s okay to have some expectations about your relationship and your partner. But not all expectations are healthy, and some are downright toxic. If any of those listed below are on your list of demands, then you aren’t ready for a healthy, loving partnership. At all.

1. Wanting someone to take care of you like your mother or father does.

A man with a beard is sitting on a blue couch playing video games with a controller, while a woman is ironing clothes behind him in a living room. The room is cluttered with laundry, a laundry basket, snacks, and drinks, and is decorated with wall art and a bookshelf.

You often hear people talk about how they want their future spouse to take care of them like their parents do, whether it’s financial support, cooking and cleaning for them, or fussing over them like the prince or princess they are. If that’s how you feel, stay home with mom and dad.

2. The belief that one partner should be the “leader” and the other should play a submissive, supportive role.

A man and a woman are sitting outdoors, wearing coats and holding mugs, seemingly engaged in a conversation. Behind them is a blurred natural background with greenery and water. The woman is looking at the man while he speaks.

People earn leadership positions through achievement; they don’t get into that position by default due to gender, educational level, income, or ethnic heritage. Partners should be equals, taking turns at leading and supporting each other depending on their personal skills and strengths. To do otherwise is willfully blind, and quite ridiculous.

3. Believing that your partner should end friendships with people you aren’t fond of.

A woman with curly blonde hair and a serious expression looks at a man with straight brown hair who is out of focus in the foreground. Both are dressed warmly, suggesting a cool day. The background appears to be an urban setting with modern buildings.

Just because you dislike your partner’s friends doesn’t mean they should drop them to appease you. The same goes for wanting your partner to drop any friend of the gender(s) they’re attracted to. Your insecurities, petty jealousies, and controlling nature don’t get to dictate another person’s friendships or life choices.

4. Thinking that you can dictate aspects of your partner’s appearance.

A woman in a sleeveless white dress gazes at a man in a light-colored shirt. They stand closely next to an ornate stone structure in an outdoor urban setting, with blurred buildings in the background.

Your partner isn’t a made-to-order toy that you can dress or otherwise adjust to suit your preferences. As such, you don’t get to dictate what they wear, how they style, color, or cut their hair, whether they have facial hair or not, or any other aspect of their appearance.

5. The idea that you’re in any position to “allow” your partner to do anything (or prevent them from doing so).

A pensive man in a blue polo shirt stands with his hands in his pockets, looking down. Beside him, a contemplative woman in a light denim shirt also looks down while resting her elbow on his shoulder, her other arm hanging loosely at her side. Both look serious.

You may have come across rage bait posts on social media asking people whether they’d “let” their partner do something or not. A partner is neither a child, nor a pet: they’re an adult human being of equal standing, and thus don’t need anyone’s permission to do anything, including yours.

6. Assuming that it’s okay to go through your partner’s belongings without their permission.

A woman with long dark hair, wearing a pink shirt, looks concerned while sitting on a bed and holding a smartphone. A man with short brown hair and a beard, wearing a blue shirt, sits beside her, looking at her with a serious expression. The setting is a modern bedroom.

This may include (but is not limited to) going through their phone to see who they’ve been talking to, digging through their bag or pockets for evidence of assumed wrongdoing, or anything else that breaches their privacy and autonomy. It also includes looking over their shoulder to try to “catch” them out.

7. Obsession with a “body count” below a certain number, believing it defines personal value.

A man and a woman are sitting in a living room. The man sits in an armchair, looking towards the camera with a serious expression. The woman, sitting on a couch with her hand touching her chin, gazes thoughtfully to the side. A potted plant is in the background.

A startling number of people (predominantly men) seem to be obsessed with the expectation that their partner should have only been intimate with an arbitrary number, or they’re somehow not worth dating. This reeks of insecurity and double standards, as they will rarely keep their own experiences to that same (low) number.

8. Thinking that you’re entitled to know every detail about their past.

A couple walks hand-in-hand on a bridge at night. The woman wears a light-colored trench coat, while the man wears dark clothing and carries a backpack. The bridge is adorned with ornate railings and illuminated by soft lighting. A blurred cityscape is visible in the background.

Your partner lived a full life for years before they met you, developing or acquiring various skills, preferences, aversions, and so on. You’re not entitled to know all the details of their past, nor are they obligated to tell you about them. They’re with you now, and that’s all that matters.

9. Seeing them as a tool and platform in your life, rather than a person.

A couple stands in a grassy field, facing each other and smiling. The man, wearing a white t-shirt, has his arm around the woman, who has long dark hair and is wearing a gray t-shirt. The background is blurred, highlighting the couple in the foreground.

You may treat this person like an echo chamber, personal servant, pleasure giver, sounding board, and agony aunt, and then expect them to go away once you’re done with them. Behaving this way shows them that you see them as a tool to get your needs met, rather than a human being.

10. Wanting to be “chased” instead of ensuring a sincere dynamic.

A couple stands on a rooftop with the city skyline in the background. The woman in a white dress and denim jacket spreads her arms out, while the man behind her, wearing a denim jacket, gently holds her arms. Both are smiling and enjoying the view.

Many people play ridiculous games when they’re dating in order to manipulate their partner into behaving a certain way, including being evasive or difficult so the other person “chases” them in order to prove their interest. This is both unhealthy and juvenile, and sets a foundation of inconsistency, insincerity, and unfair expectation.

11. Insisting upon a specific frequency for physical intimacy.

A woman and a man lie on an orange surface. The woman's long hair is spread out around several old-fashioned alarm clocks of various colors. She has a thoughtful expression while the man, with a beard, rests his head on his hand, looking content.

Intimacy ebbs and flows in relationships, and there are inevitably going to be dry periods, especially if illness, injury, life stress, and challenging hormonal cycles enter the picture. Stipulating that you need to be intimate on an established calendar schedule implies that your needs matter more than how your partner feels.

12. Expecting your partner to drop their interests in favor of yours.

A man and a woman stand facing each other in front of a bright yellow geometric background, both with serious expressions. Their wrists are cuffed together with handcuffs, binding them closely. The man wears a white shirt, and the woman wears a red patterned top.

If you’re into extreme sports and want a partner to do them with you, then date someone who’s already into them. You may be dating someone whom you’re insanely attracted to, but they prefer to read or paint than skydive or snowboard. That’s fine—don’t try to change them for your own benefit.

12 Toxic Relationship Expectations That Signal You’re Not Ready For Love