People who play the victim display these 9 annoying behaviors

It’s A Common Tactic

A woman with long, brown hair and green eyes stands against a dark background. She appears distressed, with smudged mascara under her eyes, indicating she has been crying. She wears a dark turtleneck sweater and has one hand raised to her head.

Playing the victim is a tactic that lots of people use, consciously or subconsciously. Often, they do so because they believe that painting themselves as the injured party could benefit them in a certain situation, or in life in general.

It’s basically about never accepting responsibility for their actions, blaming everyone else for things that go wrong, and complaining that they’re always the one who suffers, even when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

We all play the victim now and again, it’s part of human nature. Very few of us have the mental strength to accept responsibility for our mistakes every single time we make them.

But if you’re reading this, you’ve probably been on the receiving end of this behavior repeatedly. It can be frustrating and also a bit confusing.

So how do you know if someone’s deliberately playing the victim card for their own gain? If they are, you’ll probably see these signs.

1. They don’t accept responsibility.

A man with a beard and short hair, wearing a green T-shirt, points towards the camera with an intense expression, as if surprised or accusing. He stands against a plain white background.

This is one of the main ways that we human beings try to pass ourselves off as the victim of a situation, rather than the responsible party.

Rather than acknowledging the part they’ve played in causing a problem, they point the finger at other people or contributing circumstances, and ignore their own involvement.

2. They don’t take action.

Two women are seated outdoors. The woman in the foreground appears distressed, holding her head in her hands. The woman behind her is offering comfort by placing a hand on her friend's shoulder. The background features blurred greenery and buildings.

When something goes wrong, someone whose default mode is a victim mentality won’t do anything to try to fix it. They complain about the fact it’s ruined, but they refuse to think constructively about how they could remedy it.

They throw their hands up and complain and will find excuses to never give something a try unless they’re 100% sure it will work out.

3. They don’t believe in themselves.

Two women are sitting together on a wooden bench. One woman with long, gray hair is talking to the other woman, who has long, black hair and is looking up with a thoughtful expression. Both are wearing beige coats. The background is slightly blurred but suggests an outdoor setting.

If someone tends to play the victim, then they will have zero self-belief.

They won’t have the self-confidence to follow through on their ideas or desires and will always find ways to avoid putting themselves out there.

They always manage to put things off or find a way out, and live firmly in their comfort zone, just coasting along. They always find an excuse to justify why there’s no point in going after the things they want.

They then spend a lot of their time complaining about how nothing ever changes and they can never follow through on anything.

Whenever anything happens to them that justifies their negativity, they grab onto it and use it to feed their inner critic.

4. They don’t make their own decisions.

A woman with long dark hair and wearing a light denim shirt rests her chin on her hands and gazes thoughtfully into the distance while sitting at a wooden table in a softly lit room.

A classic way of playing the victim is putting control over their life firmly in someone else’s hands.

They let themselves be guided by others because, that way, they have someone to blame if it doesn’t work out.

This need for guidance and desire to surrender to someone else’s judgement can lead to them developing unhealthy relationships and being passive, never expressing their wants or needs.

5. They engage in self-sabotage.

A man with a bald head and beard sits at a table, clutching his head in frustration or despair. Around him are several empty, half-empty, and full bottles, suggesting a setting of distress or overconsumption. The background includes household items and plants.

The narrative that someone like this has in their head is that they’re not good enough, not capable enough, not attractive enough…

And, perversely, they’ll probably go out of their way to prove that to themselves.

They might tend toward self-destructive behavior, with habits that harm their health or damaging relationships, to try to show the world that their bitterness is justified.

6. They hold grudges.

A man in a rust-colored jacket sits on the floor with a solemn expression, leaning against a bed. In the background, a woman in a tan sweater sits on the bed, looking at him with concern. The room has wooden floors, light curtains, and a plant in the corner.

Somebody who views themselves as a victim will struggle to forgive people who they think have done them wrong.

That’s because those wrongs – real or perceived – are great ways of justifying why they can’t make changes to their life or their attitude.

They like having crosses to bear that they can show people whenever their mindset or approach to life is questioned.

If someone wrongs them, no matter how insignificant what they’ve done might seem, they’re quick to cut them out of their life, no second chances.

7. They don’t pick their battles.

Two women sit on a sofa in a living room. The woman on the right, with curly hair and wearing a pink shirt, gestures with her hands while looking concerned. The woman on the left, with straight hair and wearing a denim jacket, holds a cup with both hands and looks away.

Those that go through life with this mindset are constantly on the defensive, so they’re likely to get equally angry about something small as they would about something serious.

They always feel like they’re under attack, so at the first sign of hostility they’re ready to counter, and often go overboard.

8. They ignore everything they do have.

A concerned man in a blue denim shirt places his hands on the shoulders of a woman in a striped shirt, who appears to be in distress. She has her hand on her chest and looks away, with a pained expression on her face.

People like this are blind to all the positives in their lives.

They focus so much on what’s missing that they can’t appreciate what they do have and find it impossible to see silver linings.

9. They don’t see the good in others.

An elderly woman with short white hair sits at a dining table set with various foods, including a roast chicken, corn on the cob, bread, and salad. She is holding a fork and looking off to the side, with a kitchen in the background.

Just as they can’t see the good in themselves and in their life, they’re quick to find fault with others too.

They will criticize others for small failings in a vain attempt to make themselves feel better or look better in comparison.

Finally…

Three women are indoors. One woman, standing and pointing while holding a phone, appears to be upset. Another woman sitting at a table with a book, looks pensive, resting her head on her hand. The third woman holds a mug and looks downwards while walking away.

Constantly being around someone like this is really hard. It’s draining and it can start to take its toll on your mental health.

Sooner or later, you’re going to need a break. If this is someone you work with, then you might be able to speak to your manager and see if there’s any way you could be reshuffled.

If it’s a personal relationship, you might have to put limits on the amount of time you spend around them, or even let them know that you need to take a break.

Realizing that their behavior is damaging your relationship might just be enough to jolt them out of their mindset.

If taking a break from this person wasn’t enough to make them realize they need to make a change, then it might spell the end for your relationship.

After all, they’re probably not just complaining to you about other people. They’re probably blaming you for things too, meaning you end up spending all your time apologizing and feeling guilty, no matter who’s at fault.

If there comes a point when you realize that the relationship is only doing you damage and they’re not going to change, you have to put yourself first and let them go, no matter how hard that might be.