How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone: 16 Tips That Actually Work!

1. Think about your relationship.

A woman with long, wavy auburn hair wears a green sweater and rests her chin on her crossed arms on a windowsill. She looks thoughtfully out the window with a neutral expression. The background is softly blurred with warm lighting.

You know how you feel about this person, but the question is how do they feel about you?

If they don’t want to be with you (in a romantic sense, at least), you need to repeat that fact to yourself until you are able to let go.

On the other hand, if you are already in a relationship with this person and your obsessive feelings are getting in the way of it being a healthy and happy one, a professional might help you deal with this problem.

Another scenario might be that this person doesn’t feel the same way about you even though you’re in a relationship, or your relationship recently ended.

If this is your ex, give yourself time to stop loving them, and if you’re in a one-sided relationship, you might consider ending it.

Once you’re clear about the relationship you have or don’t have with this person, think about the relationship that you want to have.

Don’t you want someone who’ll think about you all the time too?

2. Put some distance between you and them.

Black and white close-up of a woman with long hair looking out of a window. Her face is in profile, appearing thoughtful or contemplative. The background is blurred, giving a soft-focus effect to the overall image.

Regardless of your relationship with this person, getting some distance from them is probably the right thing to do at this point.

This means limited contact, if any at all. It also means avoiding the places where you know they’re likely to be.

Stop all the texting and late-night calls, and it might even be best that you don’t talk to them if they reach out to you first.

You can let them know that you need some distance before you cut off all contact, and give yourself time to deal with your feelings alone.

Simply put, you can’t keep them in your life if you don’t want to keep them in your head.

Your obsessive feelings aren’t going to go away if they don’t go away.

3. Remember your life before them.

A man with short, styled hair and a beard gazes to his left. He is wearing a white shirt and standing outdoors with a blurred background of greenery and soft sunlight.

Surely you had a life before you met this person, so what was it like?

What did you do with all the time that you now spend focusing on them?

Most importantly, what did you do that made you happy?

Maybe you enjoy reading a good book, or your friends are always ready for a night on the town. Did you have some hobbies, or did you spend more time chasing after your dreams?

Whatever it was that you were doing with your life before you met the person you’re obsessed with, let it remind you that you had a life before them, and that you will have a life after them.

4. Stop idealizing them.

A woman with long brown hair, wearing a purple shirt, appears deep in thought or worried. She rests one hand on her forehead and the other near her neck. The background is dark, emphasizing her contemplative expression.

Is this person really as perfect as you think?

Think again.

This time, focus on their imperfections, flaws, shortcomings, and even deal breakers that you might have neglected to consider.

You might not even like the person they truly are because you’re imagining them as someone entirely different.

Maybe you fantasize about them making you a romantic candlelight dinner, but would they really do that?

When you’re stuck inside your imagination, you neglect what’s plain to see in reality.Now that you’ve noticed the things that you don’t like about them, ask yourself what it is that you actually like about them, especially if you don’t know them that well.

Focus on their bad sides and try to look at them as objectively as your feelings allow.

Then ask: what’s so great about them, really?

5. Think about the life you deserve.

A black and white portrait of a person with short hair, looking thoughtfully into the distance. The right side of their face is illuminated, while the left side is in shadow, creating a dramatic contrast. The person is wearing a light-colored, textured top.

You deserve to be with someone who feels the same way about you as you do about them.

It’s as simple as that.

Yes, you also need to work on your obsessive tendencies, but at this point, just realize that you do deserve better.

Truly you do.

The life you’re imagining with someone who doesn’t care about you could be waiting for you with someone who’ll give you their heart forever.

It’s true, and if you keep chasing after someone who keeps running, you’ll miss out on a lot of opportunities for genuine happiness.

Let go of the person who doesn’t appreciate you to make way for someone who will.

If you have consistent obsessive tendencies, work on them with a professional so that they won’t damage your future relationships.

6. Change your train of thought.

A woman with blonde hair, wearing a white shirt, rests her head on her hand and gazes thoughtfully out of a window. Sunlight streams through the window, creating a reflection of her face on the glass. Shadows suggest it's either early morning or late afternoon.

We don’t always have the power to stop certain thoughts from popping up in our heads entirely, but we can stop the train of thought that starts with a person’s name and ends with our kids’ names.

When you think about this person, try to think about something else, but don’t force yourself. Simply occupy your mind with something different.

For instance, when you start thinking about going for dinner with them, think about what you’ll have for dinner today instead of letting the train of thought lead to the kiss at the end of the date.

While fantasizing about your future together can appear innocent, it just prevents you from moving on and keeps your feelings alive.

7. Let your loved ones help you.

Two women sit on outdoor steps. One, in a white t-shirt, looks troubled with her hand on her head. The other, in a patterned dress and green jacket, gently rests her hand on her friend's shoulder, offering support. Both have serious expressions.

Can your family and friends give you the support that you need right now?

Maybe you could spend more time with them and engage in fun activities that will keep your mind occupied.

Talk to them about your problem by all means, but talk about other things much more.

Let them remind you of all the other things that are going on in the world while you’re wasting your time on someone who may not appreciate you (or even know you exist!).

Maybe you could even go on a vacation, because a change of scenery and additional distance could do wonders for your problem.

Most importantly, let your loved ones share their perspective on the matter. They might shine some light on facts that your feelings don’t allow you to see.

If they know the person you’re obsessed with, they might even give you some valid reasons why they’re not a good match for you to begin with.

8. Find out the cause of your obsessive feelings.

A young woman with long brown hair is looking slightly upwards with a thoughtful expression. She is gently touching her lips with her finger. She is wearing a light blue, striped button-up shirt and is set against a soft blue background.

Maybe this is not the first person you felt this way about, and you are repeating a toxic pattern.

All this might be caused by something from your past, or you may have problems a therapist could help with.

Either way, you should identify the root of your problem and work on yourself.

You deserve to be in a healthy relationship, and you don’t need to bring any unhealthy baggage into it when the time comes.

We’ve covered some of the possible causes of obsessive feelings toward someone in a section below, so ask whether you recognize yourself in any of the descriptions.

9. Talk to a professional.

A woman with long blonde hair wearing a pink sweater sits on a couch, looking thoughtful. A person with short hair wearing a yellow sweater is seated opposite her, taking notes on a clipboard. The setting appears to be a casual indoor environment.

Talking to a professional is never a bad idea, especially if the feelings persist or you’ve experienced them before with a different person.

Learning about your attachment style might help you form healthier relationships in the future, and something from your past might be the key to fixing your problems.

Talking about the problem with a professional is a good choice because your family and friends might not have the insights that could help you.

Connect with one of the experienced relationship experts from Relationship Hero if you would like to get tailored advice for you and your obsessive love situation.

10. Get busy and live your life.

A person with curly red hair is walking on a beach. They are wearing a black dress and black shoes. The sky is cloudy, and the waves are gently rolling in the background. Large rocks line part of the shore behind them, and the sand underfoot is wet.

When you want to stop obsessing over someone, you have to think about other things you could do with your time.

Are you neglecting some responsibilities or hobbies, or you could take on some more?

Learn new things and definitely try new things too! Focus on improving yourself and gaining new knowledge, but don’t forget to have fun.

Pamper yourself a little when you feel sad instead of letting the feeling overwhelm you.

A coffee with a friend followed by a bubble bath and a night of binge-watching your favorite TV show sounds much better than obsessing over someone who’s out there living their life.

You need to live yours too.

11. Meet someone new.

Black and white photo of two people in casual clothing walking through a field. One person, wearing a hoodie and plaid shirt, leads the other by the hand. The second person wears a sweater and backpack with a geometric pattern. The field appears grassy and open.

While you’re getting some distance from the object of your obsession, you’ll probably feel lonely.

When friends and family aren’t an option, new friends certainly are. Get out there and meet new people. You can even forge real and meaningful new friendships online if you feel that’s easier for you.

Don’t jump into a rebound relationship as soon as someone likes you, but talk to different people and realize that you have a lot of options.

While one person might not like you at all, another one will absolutely adore you!

Most importantly, you’ll see that your crush, ex, or partner, isn’t the only person out there who’ll seem perfect for you and make your heart skip a beat.

The worst that could happen is that you end up with new friends instead of a new partner right away.

So start being aware that there are a lot of people in this world, and you’re focusing on the one that doesn’t want to focus on you.

12. Don’t try to drown your sorrow.

A person with short hair sits on a beige couch, holding a glass of red wine, appearing thoughtful. They wear a gray sweater, brown pants, and wool socks. The room is softly lit, featuring plants, a vintage radio, and a framed photograph on the wall.

During the time that you’ll try to move on, you’ll probably be tempted to try drowning your obsessive feelings in alcohol or recreational drugs.

You already know that this is a bad idea, but you need to be reminded because you might be just a few shots of hard liquor (or a joint or two) away from calling this person, stalking them, or, in the best-case scenario, thinking about them even more.

The goal is to get them out of your head, and no substance you can put in your body is going to make that happen.

It will likely just make things worse.

13. See things from their point of view.

A man in a white t-shirt and dark jacket sits outdoors in a park-like setting, with trees and grass in the background. He is looking down with a thoughtful or contemplative expression. The scene is illuminated by soft, natural sunlight.

When you show someone your love, whether they consider it romantic or creepy really depends on their feelings for you.

Try to see things from their point of view. How do they feel about your obsessive feelings?

If those feelings are just pushing the other person even further away from you, what are you achieving except letting yourself seem desperate and needy?

Just remember the things that happened between the two of you, but this time try to see it from their perspective.

They don’t look at you with the same love and passion, so your behavior looks differently to them than it would if they were mad about you too.

Try to remember a time when someone you didn’t fancy was into you and how that felt. It probably felt awkward at the very least.

Do you really want to make this person feel that way?

14. Learn to accept rejection.

A man wearing glasses, a bow tie, a watch, and a light orange shirt sits against a wall in a shaded area. He appears thoughtful, with his hands resting on his knees, and sunlight slightly illuminating his face.

Everyone in this world should learn to accept rejection because we all face it from time to time.

It’s the inevitable part of the dating game, and if you want to find love, you have to be ready for all reactions, including rejections.

Not everyone will be into you as much as you are into them, or at all.

That’s just a fact of life. You can’t escape it, and you only win if you play fairly.

So learn to accept rejections and move on because that’s the only way you’ll get to the one who’ll think about you every day too.

15. Get rid of the memories.

A man sits on a sofa, holding a framed photo with a thoughtful and concerned expression. His left hand partially covers his mouth as he looks into the distance. The background shows shelves with decorative items and books.

Whether you have been in a relationship with this person or not, you can deal with this as with any other breakup.

If you have any physical keepsakes that remind you of this person, get rid of them.

Just like you need to get them out of your head, you need to get them out of your house.

If you have pictures on your phone or in a frame, delete or remove them. The napkin from the restaurant you went to together, a gift they gave you – let it all go to let them go.

If it’s too difficult for you, you don’t have to throw these things away to begin with.

Just put them in a box and hide it somewhere where you won’t have to look at them.

16. Treat them as an acquaintance.

A man in a black sweater is seen from behind, looking towards a woman in the background who is wearing a black dress and a burgundy scarf. They are standing in front of a red wall.

Ultimately, you shouldn’t hate the person who rejected you.

Your feelings of love will probably turn to feelings of anger or resentment once you realize that you can’t get them to like you.

How can you hate them though? If they did nothing to harm you, don’t hold a grudge just because they weren’t interested in you.

You shouldn’t see them for a while where possible. But after some time, you might see each other again.

In that case, treat them as an acquaintance and no more.

Once you reach the point where you can wave to them on the street and keep walking without feeling a thing, you’ll know that you’re over them for good.