1. They Don’t Make Happiness Their Goal
It was Viktor Frankl who wrote, in his book Man’s Search For Ultimate Meaning, that
“happiness must ensue. It cannot be pursued. It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness. The more one makes happiness an aim, the more he misses the aim.”
In other words, you cannot simply wake up one day and tell yourself that in a week’s, month’s, or year’s time, you’ll be a happy person. Happiness is a by-product of the people and events in your life, so when you focus on these, the happiness with occur by itself.
2. They Embrace The Uncertainty Of Life
We can’t ever accurately predict the future and facing unexpected events is an unavoidable part of life. The way in which we approach these unforeseen circumstances, however, does impact our enjoyment of them.
By accepting the uncertainty of life, when we encounter such events, we are better prepared to go with the flow, rather than trying to ignore them or push them away.
When you embrace the situation you find yourself in, however unexpected, it reduces stress levels, heightens awareness, and leaves you able to find comfort and peace regardless of whether things are good or bad.
3. They Appreciate The Abundance In Their Lives
Happy people are more likely to have a ‘glass half full’ kind of attitude towards life and are able to truly appreciate the things that they DO have instead of lusting after the things they DON’T have.
If you only ever think about all the things that you’d like to have, how are you ever meant to enjoy the things in your life right now? The truth is that you can’t, because no matter what you achieve or gain, you’ll be forever wanting more.
4. They Accept Past Events Rather Than Dwell On Them
One of the greatest fallacies of the human mind is the belief that you can change the past. While it should be clear to people that this is not possible, there is a large proportion of the population who really struggle to grasp what this means.
Happy people get it on a fundamental level; they understand that what’s happened has happened so you might as well accept it and let go. You can’t live in the past, so while it makes sense to remember it in a factual ‘this is how it happened’ way, there is no point in expending energy on it in the form of regret, anger, or sadness.
5. They Learn From Their Mistakes
It was novelist Paulo Coelho who said something along the lines of “a mistake repeated more than once is a decision” and happy people understand the truth in this.
When a happy person identifies that they’ve made a mistake with something, they try their best to understand what the mistake was and how it was made. They do this so that they can avoid making the same mistake again.
Too many people find themselves making the same mistake over and over again and each time it brings further misery. If they could attach an attitude of learning to each mistake they make, they would be better placed to avoid such a vicious cycle.
6. They Ask For Help When They Need It
To many people, the idea of asking for help is something that fills them with anxiety and dread. They equate it with exhibiting weakness and they believe it runs the risk of going down in the opinions of others.
What these people don’t realize, but happy people are better at understanding, is that asking for help is actually a sign of strength. It shows that you have recognized a weakness and are prepared to receive the assistance of another.
What’s more, the very act of asking for help can bring two people closer together. The person being asked often feels flattered that you have turned to them in your moment of need and there is an underlying appreciation too. And when you face a struggle with the help of someone else, the bond between you is likely to grow stronger, perhaps even more than you thought possible.
7. They Choose The Right People To Spend Time With
As we move through life, the type of people that we most closely relate to and enjoy spending time with changes. And yet many of us will try to cling on to old friendships purely because of familiarity and shared experience.
If you should ever reach a stage where you realize that you no longer enjoy the company of a particular person, it isn’t wise to try and maintain the connection with them from a purely etiquette-driven position.
Happy people tend to be better at relinquishing bonds that have grown weak over time so that they can concentrate more of their time and energy on the people with whom they currently have a strong relationship and in whose company they feel most free.
8. They Regularly Re-evaluate Their Goals
Achieving a goal is only a success if your heart is still wholly invested in it, so happy people will take the time to look again at the goals they have made to ensure that they still resonate with the person they are now.
So you might well have planned to be a homeowner by the time of your 30th birthday, but if, at the age of 27, you are content with your current living conditions and the pressure of having to save up to buy somewhere would cause you unnecessary stress, either do away with the goal or adjust it to better fit your lifestyle and desires.
While setting goals can be an effective way to achieve the things you want to achieve in life, don’t be sucked into the illusion that, once written down, a goal cannot be changed. It is futile to attempt to chase a goal that would no longer lead to optimum happiness.
9. They Don’t Feel A Sense Of Entitlement
You could say that other than a safe place to rest our heads, adequate food and water on the table, and fair treatment as a human being, nobody is entitled to anything. But in the modern world, we have become accustomed to receiving much more besides this.
While education, healthcare and other life-improving services could rightly be added to the above essentials, many of us expect further benefits too. But once you feel entitled to something, as long as you continue not to receive it, you will feel aggrieved.
Instead, a happy person naturally accepts the things that enter their life without accusing the world of not providing their every want and desire. They understand that they are already blessed and that anything more requires effort on their part.
10. They Don’t Compare Themselves To Everyone Else
Part of the above point about entitlement exists because the human mind is all too quick to compare itself to others. If you perceive someone else to have been dealt a better hand in life, then you will never feel entirely happy with what you have as a person.
If you are going to compare yourself to anyone, make it those who are less fortunate than yourself; those living in poverty or with other issues or ailments. At least this way you can give thanks for that which you do have.
The best approach, however, is to try not to make comparisons with anybody else regardless of whether you consider them to be better or worse off. Happiness is not dependent on financial wealth, physical strength, beauty, or any other such things that you can see on the surface of other people. Happiness exists within.
11. They Are Open-Minded And Non Judgmental
Conflict between two people will only ever result in negative feelings, which is why happy people endeavor to keep an open mind. With such an approach, they may well disagree with the views of another person, but they neither judge them nor consider their views as a personal attack.
If you have a closed mind, on the other hand, then you might find that conflict is a more present feature in your life and the negative emotions that are triggered by this will suppress happiness and joy and stop them from reaching the surface.
It is best to remember that there is almost always no wrong and no right, and that the thoughts and opinions of others do not prevent you from enjoying their company or even calling them a friend.
12. They Practice Forgiveness When They Have Been Wronged
While opinions may differ as we discussed above, there are times when another person will cause you harm, either intentionally or by accident. Too often, these wrongs are held over that person and your negative feelings towards them fester and spread. These feelings can change your world view for the worse and reduce your available capacity to love other human beings.
For everyone’s sake, the better approach is to try and forgive that person and understand that what they did to you does not have to define you or them. Forgiveness is a healing process that can take time, but every effort that you put into it will be returned many-fold.
13. They Don’t Try To Please Everybody
We are beings with limited amounts of time and energy and we sometimes forget this when we try to please all the parties present in our lives. Being everything to everybody is a fruitless enterprise in life and it typically leads to exhaustion, frustration, and a sense of being overwhelmed.
Instead, happy people will understand the importance of saying no from time to time. No matter how much you believe someone is relying on you, it is not up to you to carry the burden of that responsibility. By all means help when you genuinely feel able to, but don’t feel trapped by the requests made by others.
Similarly, you shouldn’t feel required to change yourself to fulfil the whims of another; as much as you try, if you are not being true to yourself, it will become apparent to everyone sooner or later, so what’s the point in expending energy trying?
14. They Celebrate The Success Of Others
When you see someone else succeeding, you can either begrudge them or you can congratulate them; the latter is the path that a happy person will choose every time.
When you celebrate the achievements of a friend – or even someone you don’t really know that well – you are grounding yourself in the positive, whereas envy for their success will only lessen the opinion you have or yourself and harbor bad feelings towards them.
It goes back to the point above about making comparisons with others and the final realization that your happiness is not reduced by the happiness of others. In fact, the opposite is true, when the people in your life are happy, you will find more happiness too.
