If you recognize these 12 signs, your friendship is based on a genuine connection

When there’s a real connection, you’ll likely notice these things.

Two women standing outdoors at sunset in a natural setting. The woman on the right, wearing a black shirt and brimmed hat, rests her arm affectionately on the shoulder of the woman on the left, who is wearing a tank top. Both gaze into the distance with serene expressions.

Most of us have close friends whom we care about deeply, but there’s a difference between people we get along well with, and friendships that have a genuine, deeper connection. The signs below will confirm if a friend is firmly in the latter category.

1. When you’re having a rough day and they reach out because they “had a feeling” something was up.

A young woman with long dark hair stands against a light gray wall, looking down at her phone. She is wearing a blue denim jacket over a black top and a light-colored skirt. She appears focused on the device in her hands.

Have you ever had a friend reach out by calling or texting you to see if you’re okay, just because they felt that something might be upsetting or hurting you? Genuine friends often have an inexplicable connection that gives them a sixth sense about one another’s well-being—sometimes eerily so.

2. You feel as though you’ve known each other forever.

Two women stand outdoors, smiling at the camera. The woman on the left has light curly hair and is wearing a white top, while the woman on the right has dark hair with bangs and is wearing a black top. They have their arms around each other, with a scenic background behind them.

Many of us have met people who seemed instantly familiar to us. With friends like this, the connection is less like meeting someone new, and more like reconnecting with someone we hadn’t seen for a while. There’s instant comfort and camaraderie, and it often leads to life-long companionship.

3. You have a startling number of things in common.

A man and a woman are standing in a bowling alley, each holding a bowling ball. The man is holding a black ball, and the woman is holding a red one. They appear to be conversing. Bowling pins and balls are visible in the foreground, and a beer bottle is on the table.

It’s amazing when you meet someone who seems like your soul twin, isn’t it? The two of you may have similar tastes, habits, and interests across the board, and can thus nerd out in a way that others simply can’t understand. You’re as well matched as a pair of bookends.

4. You’re comfortable spending time together in silence.

Two young people sit against a blue background, smiling at the camera. The person on the left has long dark hair, wears a red sweater, and black pants. The person on the right has shoulder-length light brown hair with bangs, wears a white shirt and blue jeans.

With a true, genuine friendship, there’s no need to fill up empty spaces with hollow chatter. The two of you can hang out and read or do crafts together, or sit side by side on a dock with your fishing poles in complete, companionable silence for hours without feeling awkward or uncomfortable.

5. You banter with each other.

Three elderly people are outdoors, warmly dressed in coats and scarves. They are standing under a tree with green leaves and appear to be having a lively conversation. The person in the middle is laughing, creating a joyful atmosphere among the group.

You’ll playfully roast each other (lightly!) for fun, without causing any hard feelings. Maybe you tease one another about silly or embarrassing things that happened in the past, or make light fun of each other’s preferences, but it’s all loving and gentle—never hurtful or intentionally insulting.

6. You call each other out on missteps.

Two women sit cross-legged on a grassy area in a park, engaged in a serious conversation. One has shoulder-length blonde hair and wears glasses and a gray T-shirt, while the other has long dark hair and wears a black T-shirt and maroon pants. Trees are in the background.

The difference between a genuine friendship and a casual one is the willingness to put work in to make it last. A real friend doesn’t just want to know if they’ve accidentally hurt or mistreated you: they also want to know how to make amends if they’ve done so.

7. You can trust them to be honest with you, even when it’s difficult.

A woman with long blonde hair wearing a black top and cardigan smiles at a man with short dark hair wearing a white striped shirt. They are standing outdoors, surrounded by tall trees with green leaves on a sunny day.

Genuine friends aren’t “yes people” who only tell you what you want to hear. They’ll be honest with you if they think that your partner is mistreating you, if you’re being irresponsible with your health, or if they believe that a direction you want to take will be the wrong one for you.

8. You’re there for one another in both good and challenging times.

Two women sitting on a couch; the woman on the left, with long dark hair and a brown sweater, appears sad and is looking down, while the woman on the right, with long blonde hair and a blue shirt, is offering comfort by placing a hand on her back and leaning in sympathetically.

Fair-weather friends and acquaintances will often step away from stressful situations if they aren’t personally affected by them. In contrast, genuine friends will be there for you whether you’re throwing a party or going through difficult medical treatment. When things get rough, your friends’ actions will show you which camp they belong to.

9. You accept and support each other unconditionally.

Two men wearing wetsuits and holding surfboards stand side by side on a beach, smiling at the camera. The ocean waves in the background indicate an ideal surfing location.

While you may not always agree with one another’s preferences or choices, or even understand them for that matter, you still have each other’s backs. Not only do you accept each other’s life choices, but you’ll support one another in whatever manner each of you prefers.

10. You defend each other, even when you’re not around.

Three people sit on an outdoor ledge engaged in conversation. They are casually dressed: the person on the left wears a white jacket and floral dress, the person in the middle wears a denim vest and shorts, and the person on the right wears a blue checkered shirt and jeans.

If someone is slandering you in your friend’s company when you aren’t around, you know they’ll stand up for you since you aren’t there to defend yourself. Similarly, you won’t tolerate anyone putting either of you down in person, even if things escalate uncomfortably. Even if it’s with family members.

11. You celebrate each other’s differences.

Two women are engaging in a friendly conversation outdoors. One woman with long gray hair is smiling brightly, dressed in a navy blazer and white shirt, carrying a black shoulder bag. The other woman is seen from behind, with blonde hair, wearing a tan blazer.

The two of you may be of very different cultural or religious backgrounds, and will happily discuss your differing beliefs and experiences instead of arguing about them. You’ll also likely take part in celebrations together, whether they’re religious holidays, cultural events, or other traditions from your respective backgrounds.

12. When you can go for weeks, months, or even years without talking, and then pick back up again like no time had passed at all.

Two women sit on a bench outdoors, smiling and enjoying a conversation. The woman on the left has long, gray hair and is wearing a green cardigan, while the woman on the right has long, brown hair and is wearing a white blazer. Greenery and a building are visible in the background.

Life can get crazy and busy sometimes, and if you throw stress or depression into the mix, long periods of time may pass while you’re simply in survival mode. With a genuine friendship, you can simply pick up where you left off without being guilt-tripped or treated like a jerk.