10 Clues That Indicate Someone Is Trying To Manipulate You

These are dead giveaways that you’re being manipulated.

Close-up of a person's face with a serious expression. They have long hair, pink eye makeup with eyeliner, and prominent dark red lipstick. The lighting highlights their features, with a blurred green background.

Some people will try to get you to do what they want. And we’re not just talking about the occasional use of persuasion tactics either. We’re talking about regular, often intense behaviors that are designed to coerce you into abandoning your wishes or dropping your boundaries.

So, how can you tell if someone is attempting to manipulate you? Look for the following red flags.

1. They try to guilt trip you.

A woman with long brown hair in a blue sleeveless top stands in the foreground, looking pensive and slightly sad. Behind her, a man in a blue shirt and shorts is squatting on a wooden dock near a body of water, out of focus.

Guilt-tripping is a powerful tool because it makes you feel ungrateful, prompting you to want to do more, help more, accommodate more. A common guilt trip is, “After everything I’ve done for you…” It’s a way to make you feel insecure so that you will comply with their request. Of course, what they ask often isn’t good for you, but it is good for them.

2. They try to gaslight you.

A woman with blonde hair, wearing a pink blouse, is sitting on a couch gesturing as she speaks. Next to her, a younger woman with brown hair in a white t-shirt is sitting with arms crossed, looking down and away. They both appear deep in conversation.

Gaslighting makes you feel confused and unsure by denying reality or twisting facts. They want you to feel that your perceptions or memories aren’t correct so that they can influence your judgment. If you are a victim of gaslighting, you may find yourself confused, regularly questioning their story versus your memories. It won’t be a one-off mistake, but a regular occurrence.

3. They always play the victim.

A person with long red hair and black-framed glasses is making a pouty face with wide-open eyes. They hold their hands up near their chin, palms facing outward. They are wearing a light blue shirt and are set against a plain background.

Manipulators love nothing more than to present themselves as the victim. The goal is to drop your defenses for exploitation. It’s never their fault. It’s always someone else’s responsibility. It’s always that everyone else is unfair or misunderstanding them. They want your pity. Then, when they have it, they’ll ask for something—usually money or a favor.

4. They deliberately withhold information.

A woman with long blonde hair, wearing a black turtleneck and a tan coat, stands against a bright blue background. She has her hands together in front of her chest and is looking to the side with a playful, mischievous expression on her face.

It’s impossible to make an informed decision if you’re not informed. There are a few common ways to control the flow of information. They may just not inform you of important things. They could also only tell you part of the truth or leave gaps in the story. A good indicator of this technique is that you will find yourself asking questions about the truthfulness of the story.

5. They heap on flattery and charm.

A close-up of a smiling woman with her hair tied back, leaning in toward a person with short, dark hair whose face is partially visible. The woman is wearing a light blue top and appears to be enjoying a pleasant moment with the other person.

Manipulators often use excessive compliments and charm to disarm you. They want to make you feel good so you don’t question the thing they’re about to ask of you. For example, “Hey, I really need you to do this for me…” And since they made you feel good, you will feel more inclined to help them out. If they charm you well enough, they can even ask you to do things that are not good for you.

6. They make threats and issue ultimatums.

A man with a beard and wearing a gray blazer and maroon shirt holds a smartphone to his ear. He appears to be engaged in a serious phone conversation. Blurred background items include a pot and abstract shapes.

Threats and ultimatums are a more heavy-handed approach to manipulation. The implications are typically mental or emotional harm. “You will do this for me or I will hurt you in some way.” Ultimatums are similar. “Comply or I will do this negative thing…” The harm they threaten you with may even include their own self-harm if that does the job of getting you to act how they want.

7. They shift blame and avoid responsibility.

A woman is sitting on a couch, pointing her finger and talking to a man next to her who has his arms crossed and an unhappy expression. Both are casually dressed in a white T-shirt and jeans. The background shows a decorated living room.

Manipulators are skilled at shifting blame. Nothing is ever their fault or their responsibility. It’s always someone else who messed up. They may even try to turn it back around onto you to make you feel like it’s your fault. This is a fairly predictable behavior because they will typically do it over and over.

8. They employ emotional blackmail to control you.

A man with a concerned expression places his hand on the shoulder of a woman who appears distressed. She is holding her head with one hand and looking down. The setting is indoors with dim lighting and a blurry painting in the background.

Emotional blackmail is the use of your feelings against you. They will exploit your insecurities, fears, or attachments to control you. A common phrase you might hear is, “If you really loved me, you would…” Of course, what they’re asking is something that you don’t want to do or don’t feel comfortable doing.

9. They give you the silent treatment.

A young woman sitting on a couch with her arms crossed and looking away while an older woman beside her seems to be speaking and gesturing. The scene appears to be a serious conversation in a living room setting.

Instead of discussing issues openly, they may give you the cold shoulder. The idea is to make you anxious so you’ll try harder to please them. Silence gives the manipulator the upper hand because they control your ability to respond. They use your anxiety by dangling their participation in front of you, like a carrot on a stick.

10. They may isolate you.

A couple sits closely together on a leather couch at home, both wearing cozy sweaters. The man has a serious expression and gently touches the woman's arm, while she looks down pensively. A laptop is open on the table in front of them, and the room is warmly lit.

The manipulator does not want you to be around third parties or people who care about you. Why? Because it’s easier for a third party to see what’s actually going on. Do you feel alone or disconnected from the people that you love? That’s a major red flag that you’re being isolated for abuse.