12 Things You Should Keep To Yourself If You Don't Want To Lose Friends

If you share these things with friends, you will probably lose a few.

Two women are sitting at an outdoor café. One woman, facing the camera, has long brown hair, looks surprised, and has her hand over her mouth. The other woman, with her back to the camera, is wearing a green top. Both have drinks in front of them.

There are details that are great to share with friends, and things that are best kept under wraps. Get them the wrong way round and you risk alienating people. If you don’t want to lose those close to you, avoid discussing the following topics.

1. Unsolicited opinions or advice, especially about others’ relationships, appearance, or health.

Two people are sitting across from each other at a table in a bright, airy café. One person is wearing an orange shirt and smiling, while the other person, facing away from the camera, is engaged in conversation. A teapot and cups are on the table.

If your friends come to you for advice about something, then you have carte blanche to offer them suggestions. Unless they do so, however, don’t offer your recommendations about how much better they’d look with a few minor tweaks, or how they can improve their relationship based on your perceptions.

2. Sordid details about your intimate preferences.

Three people sit at a café table enjoying drinks. A woman in the center, with blond hair and a grey scarf, smiles while holding a glass of latte. Another person on the left, partially visible, talks animatedly. Shelves with jars and cups are in the background.

Whatever goes on between consenting adults is entirely their own business. If you let your freak flag fly, then power to you! But that doesn’t mean that your friends want to know all about your inclinations. Keep those details to yourself, or risk not being invited to the next pool party.

3. Secrets and confidences within your own relationship or marriage.

Three women sit around a wooden table in a modern café, each holding a mug of coffee. They appear engaged in conversation. The table has a small potted plant in the center and one woman is looking at her phone. The background shows a bright, airy café interior.

If your partner has confided in you about something important or disturbing about their past, or if the two of you are dealing with an intensely private issue, then whatever is shared between you should remain behind closed doors unless otherwise agreed. Don’t lose your friends’ (or partner’s) trust by blabbing about it.

4. Very detailed descriptions of your health issues.

Two men are seated in camping chairs by a waterfront. They are smiling, wearing casual clothing, and appear to be engaged in conversation. Fishing poles are positioned nearby, and a green bucket sits on the ground between them. The background features a calm body of water.

It’s understandable that people need support and encouragement when dealing with challenging health issues. That said, nobody wants to hear all the gory details about healthcare procedures, side effects, and so on. Making this a focal point of your conversations will undoubtedly alienate (and likely nauseate) your social circle.

5. Unpopular or contentious opinions on various issues.

A man with glasses and a beard, dressed in a black cardigan and gray shirt, sits at a cafe table conversing with a woman who has short dark hair and is resting her chin on her hand. Two other people are blurred in the background, engaged in their own conversation.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions, but that doesn’t mean they need to share them with others—especially if they’re likely to be inflammatory. You may have strong opinions about various socio-political issues, but if they’ll upset or anger those around you, it’s best to keep them to yourself.

6. All the ways you are amazing.

Three women, all wearing sunglasses, sit at a table outdoors, laughing and talking. They have drinks in front of them, including iced coffee and water. The atmosphere is bright and relaxed, with blurred background figures adding to the busy cafe setting.

Nobody wants to spend time with a person who talks incessantly about their wealth, achievements, or how much better they are than anyone else. It’s fine to be content with those things, but you don’t need to talk about them all the time.

7. Other people’s secrets.

Two women sit at a table, one whispering in the other’s ear. Both wear floral-patterned dresses and appear to be inside a café or restaurant. The table has drinks, including a latte and a glass of juice. A pink flower is in the foreground.

Few things will show others that you aren’t worth keeping around like betraying confidences. If you’re with a group of people and comment on how you “really shouldn’t share this, but…”, then they know their own sensitive information isn’t safe in your hands. An untrustworthy friend is no friend at all.

8. Constant complaints.

Two young men are sitting outdoors, leaning against a brick wall. The man in the foreground has a pensive expression with slightly tousled hair and a beard. The man in the background is out of focus and appears to be looking in a different direction.

How trying is it when you’re out with a big group and someone gripes and moans about everything? Nobody wants to spend time with a perpetual downer, so if you’re too cold, or the music is too loud, or the food isn’t to your liking, keep it to yourself.

9. A never-ending need for reassurance.

Three people sitting on an outdoor bench in the sunlight. The two men, both wearing sunglasses, face a woman in the middle, who is also wearing sunglasses. They appear to be engaged in conversation, with a blurred urban background visible behind them.

Friends shouldn’t be treated as therapists. It’s important to share things with your friends, especially if you’re going through difficulty, but it shouldn’t be one-sided. If your only interactions revolve around you needing them to reassure you and cheer you up, regardless of their own circumstances, you’re going to lose them.

10. Your repeated missteps and refusal to take common sense advice about them.

A woman with long brown hair wearing a light blue top is talking to a man with short hair and a beard, who is facing away from the camera. They are sitting outdoors, and the background is a blurred view of greenery and buildings.

An “askhole” is a person who perpetually asks for advice but won’t take it. Your friends are going to get frustrated with you if you repeat detrimental cycles instead of heeding anyone’s advice, especially if you then come to them for sympathy when you choose the same road again.

11. Terrible past mistakes.

Two young women are sitting on a couch, facing each other. One woman with long dark hair is holding the hand of the other woman with curly hair, who appears upset, resting her head in her hand. Both are wearing casual clothes in a living room setting.

Some things are best left in the past. If you’ve done some things in your life that you’re ashamed of, or that still haunt you years after the fact, ask yourself what benefit would come of making them known. Learn from your mistakes, but leave the past where it is.

12. Intense traumas.

Three women sitting at a table in a café. The woman in the middle appears distressed, holding her head with her hands. The other two women are comforting her with concerned expressions. There are coffee cups on the table and sunlight coming through the window.

It’s awful if you’ve gone through a terrible trauma such as war, and the horrors you’ve witnessed may still affect you a great deal, but most people won’t be able to relate to your experiences. As such, they tend to keep a “safe” distance from those who make them uncomfortable.