13 Subtle Behaviors That Show Your Partner Doesn't See You As An Equal

Does your partner see you as “lesser” than they are?

A woman with long blonde hair and a red top stands next to a man with short dark hair, a beard, and a gray t-shirt. The woman faces forward while the man looks off into the distance. Both are outdoors with lush green foliage in the background.

In the intricate dance of relationships, subtle cues often reveal more than grand gestures. When your partner doesn’t view you as an equal, their actions speak volumes, even if their words say otherwise. Recognizing these behaviors is crucial for maintaining a healthy, balanced partnership. Let’s delve into the telltale signs that your significant other does not consider you to be on their level.

1. They play down your achievements.

A woman with blonde hair sits on a gray couch, looking pensive and resting her chin on her hands. A man with dark curly hair and wearing a green sweater sits slightly behind her, gazing at her with a concerned expression.

Imagine finally landing that promotion you’ve been working toward for months. You’re bursting with excitement, ready to share the news with your partner. But instead of genuine enthusiasm, you’re met with a lukewarm “That’s nice” or a dismissive shrug. This deflating response is a red flag.

A partner who consistently downplays your accomplishments may be harboring insecurities or, worse, be actively trying to keep you from feeling too confident. They might fear that your success will outshine theirs or upset the power balance they’ve grown comfortable with. Remember, a supportive partner should be your biggest cheerleader, celebrating your wins as if they were their own.

2. They often suggest “improvements” you could make to yourself.

A woman with long brown hair and wearing a white lace-top is sitting on a couch, attentively listening to a man with short brown hair and wearing a green shirt, who is turned away from the camera. They are in a living room with shelves and home decor in the background.

“Have you thought about dyeing your hair?” “Maybe you should try a different outfit.” These seemingly innocent suggestions can quickly become a barrage of not-so-subtle hints that you’re not quite good enough as you are. A partner who constantly points out areas where you could “improve” is essentially saying they’re dissatisfied with who you are at your core.

This behavior goes beyond healthy encouragement and ventures into the territory of trying to mold you into their ideal version of a partner. It’s a form of control that chips away at your self-esteem and individuality. True equality in a relationship means accepting and loving each other as you are, flaws and all.

3. They don’t take your input seriously.

A young woman with long, wavy hair wearing a white shirt leans her head on the chest of a man in a dark blue polo shirt. They are standing close to each other outdoors, with blurred greenery and buildings in the background.

You’re discussing plans for the weekend, and you suggest trying that new fusion restaurant downtown. Your partner barely acknowledges your idea before steamrolling ahead with their own plans. This dismissive attitude extends to other areas of your life together.

When your thoughts and opinions are consistently brushed aside, it’s a clear indication that your partner doesn’t value your perspective. They may view their own ideas as inherently superior or simply not consider your input worth their time. This behavior creates an imbalance where one person’s voice carries all the weight, leaving the other feeling unheard and undervalued.

4. They never compromise.

A man and a woman sit on a couch; the man has his arm around the woman's shoulder, offering comfort. The woman, with long dark hair, looks downward with a sad expression. The background shows plants and soft furnishings.

Relationships thrive on give-and-take, but with this partner, it’s all take and no give. Whether it’s deciding on a vacation destination or choosing a movie for date night, their preferences always seem to win out. This stubborn refusal to meet you halfway speaks volumes about how they view your relationship.

A partner who truly sees you as an equal understands that compromise isn’t about losing—it’s about finding solutions that work for both of you. Their unwillingness to budge even on small issues suggests a deeper disregard for your happiness and needs within the relationship.

5. They make fun of your work or career choices.

A person with blonde hair, dressed in a black sweater, is seated at a desk, focused on painting. Various art supplies surround them, including watercolor paints, a glass of water, and other paper works. Shelving and a clock are visible in the background.

Your career is a significant part of your identity, and a supportive partner should respect that. However, if your significant other frequently mocks your job or belittles your career aspirations, it’s a glaring sign of inequality. They might make snide remarks about your chosen field, dismiss your work stress as trivial, or even discourage you from pursuing professional growth opportunities.

This behavior often stems from their own insecurities or a misguided attempt to keep you “in your place.” By undermining your professional life, they’re essentially saying that your ambitions and achievements don’t matter as much as theirs. A relationship built on mutual respect should be a source of encouragement, not a constant battle against criticism.

6. They condescend to you in conversation.

A man with a beard and checkered shirt gestures emphatically while speaking, as a woman with long brown hair and a white shirt covers her ears with a distressed expression. They are in a kitchen with light green walls and appliances in the background.

Life with your partner is like being trapped in a never-ending lecture where you’re always the student, and they’re the all-knowing professor. They pepper their speech with phrases like “Let me explain this to you” or “You wouldn’t understand,” even when discussing topics you’re well-versed in. This patronizing tone is more than just annoying—it’s a subtle way of establishing intellectual superiority. They might use complex jargon unnecessarily or explain basic concepts as if you’re a child.

This reveals a fundamental lack of respect for your intelligence and capabilities. A partner who truly values you as an equal engages in conversations as a peer, not a superior, recognizing that both of you have valuable insights to contribute.

7. They rarely ask for your advice.

A woman with long brown hair leans towards a seated man in a blue shirt, who gestures with one hand while looking away. They are in a cozy living room with a window and shelves filled with books in the background.

In a balanced relationship, both partners turn to each other for guidance and support. But if your significant other never seeks your opinion on important matters, it’s a red flag. Whether it’s a work dilemma or a personal issue, they always seem to have it all figured out—or they turn to everyone but you for advice.

Doing this suggests they don’t value your perspective or believe you have anything worthwhile to contribute. It creates a one-sided dynamic where you’re expected to lean on them, but they never reciprocate. A partner who sees you as an equal understands that you have unique experiences and insights that can be invaluable in problem-solving and decision-making.

8. They talk over you.

You’re in the middle of sharing a story at a dinner party when suddenly, your partner interjects, taking over the conversation. This isn’t a one-time occurrence—it happens regularly, in various settings. Their words become a verbal steamroller, flattening your thoughts and silencing your voice.

This habit of interrupting and talking over you is more than just poor manners; it’s a clear indication that they don’t value what you have to say. It creates an imbalance where their words are deemed more important, more interesting, or more worthy of being heard. In a relationship of equals, both partners should have the space to express themselves fully, without fear of being cut off or overshadowed.

9. They make important decisions without consulting you.

A person in a dark shirt is using a laptop, typing with one hand while holding a credit card in the other. The scene appears to take place at a table near a window with light streaming in.

One day, you come home to find out your partner has booked a vacation for next month—without even mentioning it to you. Or perhaps they’ve made a significant purchase that affects your shared finances, all on their own. This unilateral decision-making is a glaring sign of inequality in your relationship. It’s as if they view themselves as the sole captain of your shared life, with you as merely a passenger.

By bypassing your input on important matters, they’re essentially saying that your thoughts and feelings aren’t necessary for the decision-making process. A truly equal partnership involves collaboration on significant choices, respecting each other’s right to have a say in shared aspects of life.

10. They dismiss your emotions or concerns as “overreacting”.

A young woman sits on a couch with a distressed expression, arms folded, staring into the distance. Behind her, a man with a frustrated look gestures with one hand, seemingly trying to communicate. The background shows a modern kitchen.

You’re upset about something, and you try to express your feelings to your partner. Instead of empathy, you’re met with eye-rolls and accusations of being “too sensitive” or “dramatic.” This dismissive attitude toward your emotions is a form of gaslighting that can leave you questioning your own perceptions and feelings.

By consistently downplaying your concerns, they’re implying that their emotional responses are the only valid ones. This behavior creates an uneven emotional landscape where one partner’s feelings take precedence, while the other’s are routinely invalidated. In a healthy, equal relationship, both partners’ emotions should be acknowledged and respected, even if they don’t always agree.

11. They always insist on being right, even in trivial matters.

Two people are standing at a dining table, each holding a mug. On the table, there are plates with breakfast food, including pancakes with berries, a bowl of cereal, a glass of orange juice, and various jars. The lighting is bright and natural from nearby windows.

From the correct pronunciation of a word to the best route to take while driving, your partner always needs to have the last word. This compulsive need to be right extends beyond important issues to the most trivial of matters. It’s exhausting to be in a constant state of debate, where every conversation feels like a battle to be won.

When they do this, they reveal a deep-seated insecurity and a need for control. By always positioning themselves as the correct one, they’re subtly reinforcing a hierarchy where their knowledge and opinions are superior to yours. In a relationship of equals, being right should take a backseat to mutual understanding and respect.

12. They belittle your hobbies or interests.

A woman in an orange tennis outfit and visor is preparing to return a tennis ball with her racquet. She is on a tennis court, with a male player in the background about to hit the ball. The background includes trees and a green fence.

Your face lights up as you talk about your latest passion project, but your partner’s response is a dismissive snort or a sarcastic comment. Whether it’s your love for vintage comic books or your dedication to mastering the art of sourdough baking, they consistently make light of the things that bring you joy.

This belittling attitude goes beyond mere disinterest—it’s a way of asserting that their interests and pursuits are more valuable or worthwhile than yours. By diminishing the things you care about, they’re essentially diminishing you. A partner who truly sees you as an equal understands that your passions are an integral part of who you are, even if they don’t share them.

13. They take no interest in your life.

A woman with blond hair sits on a couch, holding a mug and looking over her shoulder with a concerned expression. A bearded man in the background sits on the same couch, focused on his laptop while drinking from a mug. Both are wearing comfortable clothes.

When you share stories about your day, your partner’s eyes glaze over. They rarely ask about your friends, your work, or your personal goals. This lack of curiosity about your life outside of the relationship is a subtle yet powerful way of saying, “What happens in your world doesn’t matter to me.” It creates an imbalance where one partner’s life and experiences are deemed more interesting or important than the other’s.

This one-sided dynamic can leave you feeling invisible and undervalued. In a truly equal partnership, both individuals show genuine interest in each other’s lives, understanding that your individual experiences and growth contribute to the richness of your shared life together.