10 Ways To Feel More Loved And Appreciated In Your Relationship

Are You Feeling Unloved And Undervalued?

A woman and a man are sitting at an outdoor café, smiling at each other and holding hands. Two cups of coffee are on the table, with a blurred city square visible in the background.

Every single one of us shows love in a different way. We have individual, multi-faceted personalities, and that, combined with our past experiences, shapes the way that we show love when in a romantic relationship.

You might be lucky and end up in a relationship with someone who expresses their love in just the same way as you do. But the law of probability, the fact that opposites often do attract, and the countless number of ways to express one’s love mean you’re more likely to find yourself falling for someone who has a very different idea of what it means to show those feelings to a partner.

If you’re experiencing problems like this and you don’t feel like you’re getting the love and attention you deserve from your partner, you’ll need to take a double-pronged approach to things.

Here are 10 tips to help you do just that.

1. Accept that your way of showing love is always going to be different to theirs.

A man and a woman sit up in bed, facing each other and smiling. Both are holding white mugs. A breakfast tray with pancakes, blueberries, and a small bowl is placed on the bed between them. The bed has blue pillows, and a lamp is on the nightstand.

The first step is always acceptance.

You need to accept the fact that the two of you are never going to have exactly the same ideas about how to express love for one another and stop trying to fight it.

The sooner you do, the happier you’ll be!

2. Think carefully about all the things they do for you.

A man and a woman smile at each other while standing on a waterfront railing. Tall city buildings are visible in the background across the water, under a clear sky.

You might be very verbal when it comes to expressing love, but they might be more about physical affection.

Try to put yourself in their shoes for a minute and consider all the things they do for you and the way they are around you.

How do they show their affection for you?

What do they do for you without you having to ask?

What little things do you think are their way of letting you know they love you, different as they might be to the way that you show it?

3. Focus on these things whenever you’re feeling unloved.

A woman with blonde hair sits on a gray couch, looking pensive and resting her chin on her hands. A man with dark curly hair and wearing a green sweater sits slightly behind her, gazing at her with a concerned expression.

Then, whenever you’re feeling unloved or unwanted because they’re not doing the things that, in your book, count as a display of love, bring your mind back to all the little things they do for you, and all their personal ways of showing you how important you are to them.

Don’t let yourself get too focused on your concept of what it means to express love. Shift your focus onto theirs instead.

4. Show yourself some love.

A woman with long, wavy hair smiles while using a tablet. She is sitting in a modern indoor space with large windows that reveal a pool and greenery outside. She is wearing a denim shirt and a yellow skirt, enjoying a sunny, relaxed environment.

When we’re in a romantic relationship, we often put far too much pressure on it.

Suddenly, our happiness and self-esteem can depend entirely on whether or not one particular person loves us.

And that’s not healthy.

They should, of course, be an important part of your life. But they shouldn’t be the sole center of it.

And you need to have other things going on that make you feel needed and fulfilled.

Spend some more time with the other people that love and want you, like your family and your very best friends.

And, focus on loving yourself a little more.

Distance yourself from the negative self-talk and start treating yourself with the same care and respect as you do your partner.

Only then can you boost your self-worth and start feeling confident in your partner’s love for you, rather than in need of constant validation.

5. Accept that adjusting your expectations will be a slow process.

A woman with red hair sits on a couch, resting her chin on her hand, looking thoughtful and slightly distressed. A man with greying hair sits beside her, turned away and looking out the window. Both appear to be in a tense or reflective mood.

You need to be clear that none of this is going to happen overnight.

You’ll try your best, but sometimes you’ll struggle to see things from their point of view.

Patience is key when it comes to love, but if you’re really determined to make things work, you’ll get there, little by little.

6. Adjust your expectations, don’t lower them.

A man with glasses and a beard, dressed in a black cardigan and gray shirt, sits at a cafe table conversing with a woman who has short dark hair and is resting her chin on her hand. Two other people are blurred in the background, engaged in their own conversation.

It’s important to underline that adjusting your expectations when it comes to how your partner demonstrates their love for you should actually mean adjusting, and not lowering.

Even if your partner shows their love in a totally different way to you, they should still be showing it somehow.

You deserve real love.

And you deserve respect, and to feel valued.

If you’re consistently feeling totally unloved and unwanted, despite having made an effort to see things from their point of view, it might be time to re-evaluate the relationship.

Turn to a good friend whose judgement you trust and ask them for their honest opinion or speak to your therapist about the relationship.

Verbalizing your feelings about your partner and what it is they do or don’t do to make you feel loved could really help you to get some clarity on things.

7. Have an honest, calm conversation.

A couple sits close together on a couch, gazing into each other's eyes with gentle smiles. The woman has dark hair tied back and wears a yellow sweater. The man with a beard and glasses wears a red sweater, and his arm rests around the woman's shoulders.

At the same time as working on your perceptions of what constitutes love and trying to see it through your partner’s eyes, it’s important to ask them, respectfully and honestly, to do their fair share of the work.

You’re never going to change fundamental aspects of their character, and nor should you want to, but you might be able to help them see and understand your needs. You never know, it might turn out that they, too, sometimes feel unloved and unwanted as a result of your behavior toward them. You’d be surprised.

You need to sit down with them at a good time, when neither of you is stressed or distracted, and let them know what’s been bothering you. Let them know, in gentle terms and without throwing it in their face, that you’ve been feeling a bit unwanted, and need some reassurance that you’re truly important to them.

8. Let them know what they already do well.

A woman with curly brown hair and a striped shirt smiles while looking up at a man with a short beard. They are indoors, standing close to each other, with a brick wall partially visible in the background.

If you focus entirely on the negatives and claim that there’s absolutely nothing they do that makes you feel loved, it’s not going to make them feel great.

Imagine if they came to you and told you that you make them feel consistently unwanted.

How would you feel?

You’d probably feel pretty guilty, and maybe even more than a bit resentful, and not particularly willing to work on things.

So, before your chat, think about all the little things that they do right.

Let them know these things, so that you don’t make them feel like a terrible person, and they know that they’ve got a foundation to build on.

9. Explain the things that would make you feel most loved.

A man and a woman sit across from each other at a wooden table, holding white mugs and smiling. They are both wearing white shirts. A bright window with greenery in the background illuminates the scene. Glasses rest on the table near the woman.

Are there certain things that you’d absolutely love them to do to let you know how much they love you?

Is there something that’s really important that they do for you to make you feel wanted?

Do you love surprises? Would you treasure the tiniest, cheapest of presents that let you know they were thinking about you?

Do you need lots of physical contact?

There might be some things that they just won’t feel comfortable with, and there are some things that you’ll never change about them, but there are some things they might be able to start doing differently.

For example, if they aren’t someone who likes to say ‘I love you’ on a daily basis, that’s unlikely to change any time soon.

That needs to come from them.

Remember, just because they don’t say it all the time, doesn’t mean they don’t feel it.

10. Be patient.

A couple embraces near a serene lake during sunset. The man, wearing a blue polo shirt, gently kisses the woman's forehead. She smiles, wearing a gray sweater, and her hair blows gently in the breeze. Warm sunlight casts a golden glow over them.

As mentioned above, this process is all about patience.

You can’t expect your partner to change the way they are around you in the blink of an eye.

If you do, you’ll only be disappointed.

You need to have patience, and accept the fact that, even if they’re trying their best to put some of the things you’ve mentioned into practice, it probably won’t come naturally to them.

So they’ll forget and they’ll get it wrong. A lot.

And, although they might make progress in some areas, they will almost definitely never start behaving exactly how you’d like them to.

On top of that, people naturally change as time passes and relationships evolve, and you never know how that might affect the way they show their love for you.

Finally…

A couple is sitting together in a cozy room decorated for the holidays. The woman, wearing a light-colored sweater, is smiling and leaning back against the man, who is hugging her from behind. There is a wreath on the wall and holiday decorations in the background.

With an effort on your part to adapt your expectations and not pin your happiness entirely on your partner, and an effort on their part to show you how they feel about you, and a healthy dose of patience, your relationship can flourish, with both of you feeling loved, wanted, and ready to take on the world together.