Do the words and actions of others affect you?
Do you find that others’ words strike daggers through your heart? Or do they roll off you like water off a duck’s back?
People with thick skin aren’t often bothered by the words or actions of others. Their thick skin offers them a shield that enhances their ability to remain calm, non-judgemental, and unoffended.
Their ability to bounce back from challenging times is admirable. Because they don’t often take things personally, they can be more optimistic and hopeful about life and situations, even if they’re with people who don’t reflect that themselves.
So how do they do it? Well, they embrace these 12 habits, that thankfully, the rest of us can easily adopt too.
1. They have a purpose.
Having a purpose gives you direction even when you’re feeling lost. Whatever curveballs life tosses at you, your purpose will help you dodge them or even recover from them.
Having a purpose keeps you focused and less invested in what others think or say. It’s a guaranteed way to bring meaning to every one of your decisions and increase your satisfaction with life.
With a purpose, things bother you less. Other people’s actions and words don’t impact you so much, and you feel more in control of your life.
When you have a purpose in life, you understand what’s most important to you so you can take what other people say with a pinch of salt.
2. They have self-awareness.
Self-awareness is a bit of a “buzz” word. It’s trendy right now but, nonetheless, it’s key to having a thick skin.
Self-awareness relates to how well you understand how your actions, words, and emotions align with your inner values and morals. It encompasses clearly understanding oneself and why you do what you do or feel what you feel.
When you’re self-aware you understand why you might react to others’ actions or words and this awareness helps you to choose how you respond. Self-awareness helps you gain perspective and compassion and improves relationships.
With self-awareness, you can question why you feel what you feel and what to do about it. Therefore, when someone’s actions or words evoke an intense feeling in you, rather than reacting, you turn inward and process it objectively.
3. They practice self-acceptance.
Self-acceptance is the unconditional act of allowing yourself to be exactly how you are and where you are while avoiding vilifying your past transgressions, actions, words, and behaviors. It’s allowing yourself to be as you are without judgment or explanations, which is key to developing thick skin.
The connection between self-acceptance and overall happiness and satisfaction in life is solid. People who practice self-acceptance and pardon themselves for past transgressions generally have a higher level of happiness and lead more meaningful lives. Likewise, when they receive criticism, they’re better able to take what is constructive and throw away what they don’t like without self-sabotaging.
4. They assume that people aren’t against them.
Thick-skinned people don’t fall into the trap of feeling like the world is against them or that people are out to get them. Because most times, this simply isn’t true.
When you receive criticism, it’s usually not because the person doesn’t like you. When we internalize the criticism, we transform it into something personal, and it becomes an attack on us.
But when you believe that others aren’t the enemy, you can process their actions and words with more compassion and empathy.
5. They have a positive inner dialogue.
Your inner dialogue is the voice inside your head. Having a lot of negative self-talk or a negative inner dialogue can largely impact how you feel about yourself and what you do. Self-talk can build or break self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-acceptance while putting a tremendous focus on either pessimism or optimism.
Your inner dialogue is powerful and casts control over much of who you are. You’re likely to believe your thoughts, and when they’re negative, they can be difficult or impossible to recover from.
When your inner dialogue is more positive, you can take in others’ actions and words and compartmentalize a little easier. Things that others say don’t bother you. When you receive constructive criticism, upsetting news, or an insult, your inner dialogue knows what to do with it.
6. They quiet the noise in their life.
Life is packed with noise. You’ll hear chaos anywhere you look, which can significantly impact your entire being. When you declutter your physical space and mind, you notice and feel the power of silence. It helps you understand perspective, feel less agitated, and process external influences more meaningfully.
You may be wondering how this relates to thick skin. Sometimes it’s not obvious how one thing can affect many things.
When you focus on quieting the noise in your life, you consume less from external factors and focus more on your internal being. This alone helps you develop a thick skin and allows you to focus more on yourself than on others’ actions and words.
It makes you less uncomfortable when receiving criticism and more inclined to turn inward and process things more effectively and with less judgment. You’re able to take what is said to you and decide whether or not it serves you.
7. They put things into perspective.
Some people get quite undone by a comment someone makes, an action that someone takes, or an upsetting event. Life is constantly throwing curveballs at us, and it can be challenging to understand how to dodge them. This can bring on further stress and anxiety symptoms, worsen a person’s mental health, and lead to feeling insulted more easily.
But thick-skinned people put things into perspective. They consider the situation rather than rushing in. They ponder other conclusions and as a result they take things less personally.
8. They embrace positivity.
The power of positive thinking is undeniable. It helps with stress management and carries enormous health benefits.
Positive thinking might seem like a simple “glass half full” type of thinking, but it actually does take some effort, change, and persistence. However, the benefits greatly make it worthwhile, and thick skinned people can attest to that.
When you see things from a brighter angle, you increase your resilience. You’re better equipped to handle emotional obstacles, constructive criticism, and any other type of feedback.
9. They put self-care at the top of their priority list.
Self-care needs to be prioritized to develop and maintain a thick skin. What is the relation? You’re more bothered by others’ actions and words when you’re not at your best.
When you’re taking care of yourself, and you are in tune with your own needs and desires, you’ll be less likely to put significant emphasis on others. In turn, you’ll be better able to understand the perspectives of others and respond to constructive criticism more openly.
10. They are self-confident.
Self-confidence is the feeling that you can trust yourself and your abilities. People with a high level of self-confidence respond better to emotional obstacles and criticism. They have a thicker skin.
Self-confidence helps you understand that you’re in charge of your reactions but can’t control others’ thoughts or feelings.
Self-confidence is vital to understand as it relates to nearly every avenue of life. A high level of self-confidence makes a person more motivated, resilient, brave, and self-assured. It means that you’ll be able to handle life’s obstacles more optimally and change your attitude surrounding failure and trying new things.
Self-confidence helps a person see things in a different light. Failures become learning opportunities, feedback transforms into improved skills, and other people’s comments and actions roll off your back like nothing.
11. They focus on themselves.
In a world constantly pulling at us in 80 million ways, it can be challenging to sort through the noise, chaos, and information. When you lack a strong sense of self, you’re more prone to reactive behaviors and less able to roll with the punches.
Rather than focusing on others’ actions and words, thick-skinned people focus on themselves and their life.
They don’t put energy into processing other people’s actions. Instead, when they feel an emotion they label it and ask why. This stops them from feeling personally attacked.
When you bring a solid focus to yourself, you start noticing that the actions and words of others don’t bother you as much.
Finally…
Having a thick skin can be a tremendously impactful tool that translates into all areas of your life. Thick skin can stop you from internalizing what others feel or say—their words can roll right off your back. It allows you the grace to avoid being hurt or deferred by external factors.
Developing thick skin takes persistence, effort, and consistency. If it doesn’t come naturally to you, you need to grow it little by little. Slowly, your self-confidence improves, you’re more in control of your life, you’ve gained perspective, and you’ve developed a solid self-care routine.
These things may sound like a lot, but they are baby steps. Their effects compound to create a snowball effect, and before you even know it, you’ll have the thickest skin you’ve ever had and lead a life where you’ve never been happier.
