11 clever ways to get in someone’s good books (without resorting to people-pleasing)

These simple strategies can get you into someone’s good graces.

A woman with curly hair in a white blouse is smiling and engaging in conversation with a man wearing a plaid cap and a brown jacket. They are standing indoors near a window.

In the intricate dance of human relationships, getting into someone’s good books is an art form. It’s not about manipulation or sacrificing your authenticity; rather, it’s about fostering genuine connections and mutual respect. By mastering the following clever strategies, you’ll cultivate meaningful relationships that stand the test of time, all while staying true to yourself.

1. Remember little details about them.

Two men are sitting on a couch in a bright room. One is wearing a plaid shirt and gesturing while talking, smiling at the other man, who wears a dark blue shirt. The background shows blurred greenery and windows, indicating a relaxed setting.

The human brain is wired to appreciate recognition. When you recall that someone’s cat is named Whiskers or that they prefer their coffee with a splash of oat milk, you’re sending a powerful message. This attentiveness shows that you value them enough to store these seemingly trivial facts in your memory bank.

It’s like creating a personal profile of someone in your mind, complete with all the little quirks and preferences that make them unique. Next time you interact, sprinkle these details into your conversation. You’ll be amazed at how their eyes light up, knowing they’ve made a lasting impression on you.

2. Heed their good advice.

Two men are having a conversation over coffee in a modern office setting. Both are sitting at a wooden table with documents and papers on it. One man gestures with his hand while talking, and the other listens attentively. Bookshelves and desks are visible in the background.

When someone offers you valuable guidance, they’re investing their time and wisdom in your well-being. Taking their advice to heart and putting it into practice is a powerful way to show respect and appreciation. It demonstrates that you value their perspective and trust their judgment.

However, the key here is discernment. Don’t blindly follow every suggestion; instead, carefully consider the advice and apply it when it aligns with your goals and values. This thoughtful approach will earn you respect and strengthen your bond.

3. Get them talking about themselves.

A man in a plaid shirt holds a drink and smiles while sitting at a table conversing with two people in a casual setting. Blurred figures and soft lighting indicate a relaxed and social atmosphere.

People love to share their stories, experiences, and opinions. By encouraging others to open up about themselves, you’re creating a safe space for self-expression and validation. Ask open-ended questions that invite them to delve deeper into their thoughts and feelings. Show genuine interest in their responses, maintaining eye contact and offering encouraging nods.

This approach not only helps you learn more about them but also makes them feel heard and appreciated. Remember, the goal isn’t to interrogate but to foster a natural, flowing conversation where they feel comfortable sharing.

4. Validate their feelings and opinions.

Two people are engaged in a conversation outdoors. The woman on the right, with long brown hair and wearing a gray sweater, is gesturing with her hands and has an expressive look on her face. The man on the left, with short brown hair, faces away from the camera.

Emotional validation is a cornerstone of healthy relationships. When someone shares their feelings or opinions, acknowledging them without judgment creates a sense of acceptance and understanding.

This doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything they say. Instead, focus on recognizing their perspective and the emotions behind it. You might say something like, “I can see why you’d feel that way” or “That’s an interesting point of view.” This approach fosters an environment of open communication and mutual respect, even when your opinions differ.

5. Actively demonstrate your gratitude for them and what they do for you.

Two women are enjoying a sunny day on a swing set in a green, leafy park. One woman, wearing a blue dress and straw hat, smiles as she sits on the swing, while the other, in a yellow dress, leans against the swing chain, looking cheerful.

It’s not enough to feel thankful; expressing it openly and sincerely can significantly impact how others perceive you. Take note of the big and small things people do for you, and make a point to acknowledge them.

A heartfelt “thank you” can go a long way, but don’t stop there. Be specific about what you’re grateful for and how it has positively affected you. This level of appreciation not only makes others feel valued but also encourages them to continue their supportive behaviors.

6. Make your actions match your words wherever possible.

Two men are sitting indoors, engaging in a conversation. The man on the left is wearing a green polo shirt and has a thoughtful expression, resting his hand near his face. The man on the right, slightly blurred, listens attentively. The background is softly lit and out of focus.

Consistency between words and actions builds trust and credibility. When you follow through on your commitments, you’re showing respect for others and proving your reliability. This alignment between what you say and what you do creates a sense of integrity that others naturally gravitate toward.

If you promise to help with a project, make sure you deliver. If you say you’ll be there for someone, show up when they need you. This congruence between your words and actions will make you a dependable and trustworthy figure in others’ lives.

7. Be your authentic self around them.

Two people sit at an outdoor cafe. The person on the left, wearing a light blue beanie and brown coat, eats from an orange mug, looking at the camera. The person on the right, in a black beanie and wrapped in a green blanket, looks down at the table.

Authenticity is magnetic. When you present your true self, quirks and all, you create an atmosphere of acceptance and openness. This vulnerability invites others to let their guard down and be genuine in return. So, don’t be afraid to share your thoughts, feelings, and even your imperfections.

By embracing your authentic self, you’re giving others permission to do the same. This mutual authenticity fosters deeper connections and more meaningful relationships, as you’re interacting with each other’s true selves rather than carefully curated personas.

8. Be a positive presence in their life.

Two women are smiling and laughing outdoors. One woman has shoulder-length dark hair, and the other has curly hair, wearing a red top. They appear happy and are leaning close to each other, with a blurred background of greenery.

Positivity is contagious, and being a source of optimism can make you invaluable in someone’s life. This doesn’t mean you should ignore problems or always wear a forced smile. Instead, focus on bringing constructive energy to your interactions. Offer encouragement during tough times, celebrate the good moments, and approach challenges with a problem-solving mindset.

Your positive attitude can help lift others’ spirits and make them associate you with feelings of hope and motivation. Remember, being positive isn’t about toxic positivity; it’s about offering a balanced, supportive perspective that helps others see the brighter side of life.

9. Celebrate their successes with them.

A group of five people stands in a circle inside a bright room with large windows. They are all smiling and giving a high-five simultaneously, celebrating something. There is a flipchart with sticky notes and a desk with papers in the foreground.

Genuine enthusiasm for others’ achievements is a powerful relationship builder. If someone shares their success, big or small, make it a point to celebrate with them. Your excitement amplifies their joy and shows that you’re invested in their happiness.

Ask for details about their accomplishment, express how proud you are, and if appropriate, suggest a way to commemorate the moment. This shared celebration creates positive memories associated with you and strengthens your bond. It also encourages a culture of mutual support, where both parties feel comfortable sharing and reveling in each other’s victories.

10. Be transparent in your communications with them.

A group of four people, two men and two women, sitting outdoors and laughing together. One woman wears a striped shirt and cardigan, the other has a headband and jacket, one man has long curly hair and tattoos, while the other has short hair and a beard.

Honesty and openness in communication foster trust and respect. When you’re transparent about your thoughts, intentions, and even your limitations, you create an environment of mutual understanding. This doesn’t mean oversharing or being brutally blunt; it’s about striking a balance between diplomacy and truthfulness. If you can’t meet a commitment, explain why. If you have concerns, voice them respectfully.

This transparency helps prevent misunderstandings and shows that you value the relationship enough to be forthright. It also encourages the other person to reciprocate with their own honesty, leading to more authentic and meaningful interactions.

11. Be punctual and respect their time.

Two women sit on a bench outdoors, smiling and enjoying a conversation. The woman on the left has long, gray hair and is wearing a green cardigan, while the woman on the right has long, brown hair and is wearing a white blazer. Greenery and a building are visible in the background.

Time is a precious commodity, and how you handle it speaks volumes about your respect for others. Arriving on time for meetings, appointments, or social gatherings shows that you value the other person’s schedule as much as your own. If you’re running late, communicate promptly and apologize sincerely. During your time together, be present and engaged, avoiding distractions like constantly checking your phone.

This punctuality and focus demonstrate that you prioritize your interactions with them. It’s a subtle yet powerful way of saying, “You’re important to me, and I respect our time together.” This consideration for their time will be appreciated and often reciprocated, strengthening your relationship.