People Who Use These 12 Phrases Seriously Lack Social Skills

No one with good social skills would say a thing like this.

For better or worse, the words we choose to use when talking to others help to define us in those people’s eyes. Sadly, some people still speak phrases that imply a complete absence of social awareness. Phrases such as the following.

1. Referring to women as “females.”

A man in a gray polo shirt stands against a plain gray background. He has a perplexed expression, with one eyebrow slightly raised and his mouth slightly open. His right hand is raised in an open gesture, as if questioning or explaining something.

Although women are female human beings, simply calling them “females” is terribly dehumanizing. It’s a word associated with life forms that are perceived as lesser, and it is often used condescendingly or contemptuously — especially by misogynists who don’t bother to hide how much they despise women on a fundamental level.

2. “What are you?”

A woman with short red hair is engaged in a serious conversation with a bearded man with dreadlocks who is gesturing with his hand. They are indoors, with a large window in the background providing natural light. Both are focused on each other.

This is normally used by those who are curious about others’ ethnic or cultural backgrounds, but once again, it’s degrading and dehumanizing. It can be okay to ask about others’ cultures in a respectful way, once you’ve gotten to know them as individuals, but it’s best to let them bring it up instead.

3. “Good girl/boy.”

A bearded man in a denim shirt sits at a table, smiling and gesturing with his hand, while speaking to another person whose back is to the camera. They appear to be having a friendly conversation in a cozy, well-lit setting.

A phrase like this shouldn’t be uttered in public unless you’re training a pet and are reinforcing good behavior. If you’ve got a praise kink, that’s fine — keep it in the bedroom where it belongs — but saying this to an acquaintance or colleague is offensive, condescending, and utterly inappropriate.

4. “Sorry, not sorry.”

A woman with long blonde hair and a dark shirt sits on a bed, shrugging with a playful, puzzled expression. She faces another person with short dark hair who is slightly out of focus. In the background, there are shelves, a clock, and a window letting in light.

This phrase has become very popular in recent years, and is a way for people to absolve themselves of any responsibility for offense they cause by “just telling it like it is.” A person with real social skills will instead take ownership of their missteps and apologize sincerely for hurting others.

5. Calling something “retarded” if they think it’s odd or silly.

A woman and a man sit across from each other at a table, engaging in a conversation. The woman, holding a coffee cup, gestures with her hand, while the man listens attentively with an open posture. Both appear to be in a casual setting, possibly a café.

What year is this? The “R” word is terribly rude, offensive, and ableist, and is absolutely unacceptable unless you’re speaking French and referring to a train delay or similar. If you use this term in any social situation, you’ll be treated like a pariah and will absolutely deserve the shunning.

6. Using “gay” as a slur.

Two men are sitting across from each other at a long wooden table in a modern office with cityscape windows. They appear to be having a serious conversation. One man is gesturing with his hands, while the other listens attentively.

Much like the abhorrent word used in the previous point, calling something “gay” to imply that it’s somehow ridiculous or wrong is a surefire sign that someone isn’t just socially blind, but also cruel. People who use this term pejoratively often find that others don’t want them around, because they’re awful.

7. “No offense, but…”

Have you noticed that people who use this opening line inevitably follow it with something atrociously offensive? They behave as though using the “no offense…” disclaimer beforehand somehow negates the appalling crap that comes out of their mouths, but no. It simply intensifies it.

8. “This is just how I am.”

Two women are seated at a desk in an office, engaged in conversation. One, wearing a light blue shirt, is gesturing with her hand. The other, in an orange blouse and glasses, listens attentively. A laptop and two striped mugs are on the desk in front of them. Blinds cover the windows behind them.

A lot of socially blind people use -isms as justification for poor behavior. They’ll say or do whatever they like, and if anyone calls them out on their reprehensible actions, they’ll use neurodiversity, past trauma, and so on, as a shield, implying that everyone else is at fault for not accepting them as they are.

9. “Go cry about it.”

A woman with long hair and a gray shirt stands against a bright yellow background, pulling her cheeks with her hands and making a playful, exaggerated frown.

This dismissive response completely invalidates other people’s very real reactions to things that may distress or hurt them. Essentially, the one saying it is implying that the one they’re mistreating is being overly sensitive or juvenile, and that they should go express their feelings to someone who cares.

10. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”

A woman with blonde hair, wearing a pink blouse, is sitting on a couch gesturing as she speaks. Next to her, a younger woman with brown hair in a white t-shirt is sitting with arms crossed, looking down and away. They both appear deep in conversation.

Anyone who’s been on the receiving end of a non-apology like this one knows how crappy it is. It absolves an abuser of all accountability, implying that the one they hurt is a jerk for misinterpreting their behavior, and may even be hurting the abuser by implying that they did wrong.

11. “Okay (generational, age-related, or other demeaning slur).”

Three women sit around a wooden table in a modern café, each holding a mug of coffee. They appear engaged in conversation. The table has a small potted plant in the center and one woman is looking at her phone. The background shows a bright, airy café interior.

You’ve likely come across people summarily dismissing things others have said with phrases like “okay boomer” or “okay snowflake.” It’s a sarcastic phrase that trivializes anything another person says or feels, implying that they’re out of touch with reality and shouldn’t even be participating in the exchange that’s taking place.

12. “Listen, sweetie…”

People who are demeaning toward others seek to win discussions through condescension because they don’t have a decent argument to stand on. As such, they try to diminish the other person with belittlement and invalidation in the hope that they’ll go silent and won’t make the jerk look bad with their valid points.