If you don't want to be insecure for the rest of your life, stop doing these 12 things

Say goodbye to these things and watch your insecurity fade away.

A person holds a broken mirror reflecting their face, appearing through a hole in a weathered wooden surface. The image conveys a sense of introspection or mystery.

Do you find yourself feeling insecure on a regular basis? If so, it’s likely that you’re contributing to that feeling, even on a subconscious level. Check in with yourself to see if you’re doing any of the 12 things that follow, and curb them whenever you catch yourself doing them.

1. Weaponizing victimhood.

A woman with shoulder-length auburn hair gazes pensively into the distance in a dimly lit room. The soft lighting creates shadows on her face, highlighting her thoughtful expression and serene demeanor.

Every single person on this planet suffers in some way, but it’s unhealthy and even contemptuous to use that suffering to manipulate others. Stop seeing yourself as a victim and using your difficulties as a weapon, and instead, learn to live with grace and dignity within your individual parameters.

2. Cultivating an inferiority complex.

A woman with long brown hair gazes thoughtfully to the side, her hand gently touching her face. Soft, streaked lighting casts a warm glow across her features against a blurred blue background.

Do you feel insecure because you think other people are “better” than you? Instead of wallowing, put effort into improving yourself in the areas in which you have personal strengths. You may never be able to bench press 300 pounds like your friend can, but you might have the ability to learn 10 languages fluently.

3. Feeling defeated by temporary setbacks.

A man wearing glasses and a brown shirt walks down a city street. The background is blurred, showing a tree and buildings. He appears thoughtful and focused as he looks to the side.

Just as tides ebb and flow, so will success have forward momentum and temporary setbacks. Instead of getting frustrated and insecure by one step backward, use that time to rest and rejuvenate yourself so you’ll be able to take a few great leaps forward when the tide turns again (which it will).

4. Projecting negative self-perceptions onto others, believing that’s how they feel, without any evidence.

A woman wearing a red shirt is sitting at a table, gesturing with her hand and appearing to be in an intense conversation with another woman who has blonde, curly hair and is wearing a light pink shirt. They are both indoors near large windows.

A common phrase that insecure people often use is “you think you’re better than me”, implying that not only do they know what the other thinks about them, but that it’s something bad. Informing others that they think poorly of you is a bad approach, and rarely reflects reality.

5. Avoiding self-improvement and putting others down for doing what you refuse to.

A person with short dark hair, wearing a gray t-shirt, light gray pants, white sneakers, and a black backpack, is sitting on a concrete slope outdoors. They are resting with their elbow on their knee, looking thoughtfully into the distance on a sunny day.

A guy who couldn’t lift a wheel of cheese will often put down stronger men as idiotic “gym bros” and mock them for their pursuits. If you don’t want to cultivate a particular ability, that’s fine, simply work on your own strengths so you’re confident in yourself. That way, you won’t feel insecure around others.

6. Comparing yourself to others.

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Every individual is different, and people can’t compare themselves to others because all the contributing life factors are entirely different. You can compare your personal growth to where you were before, but live life on your own terms, according to your own priorities and goals—not someone else’s.

7. Spending time with those who steal your light.

Two women sit across from each other at a table in a cafe, engaged in a serious conversation. Both are wearing sweaters. A potted poinsettia sits on the table between them, alongside two white coffee cups and a smartphone. Large windows are in the background.

If the people in your life make you feel awful about yourself, then stop spending time with them. You wouldn’t keep putting your hand in a fire if it kept burning you, right? Then don’t keep people in your social circle who put you down and make you feel insecure about yourself.

8. People pleasing.

A woman with shoulder-length brown hair is smiling broadly and giving two thumbs up. She is wearing a white tank top and standing against a bright yellow background.

If most of your energy is directed toward making others happy (and thus avoiding making them upset with you), then stop making that a priority. You are not responsible for other people’s emotions—they are. It’s great to work toward harmonious relationships, but upsetting others to protect yourself is inevitable at times.

9. Not establishing or upholding boundaries.

A person stands outdoors in a snowy environment, staring directly into the camera with wide blue eyes. They are wearing a dark winter hat with a pom-pom and warm clothing. In the background, a blue and white building is visible through a chain-link fence.

One of the main reasons why people feel insecure is because they don’t create boundaries with others. They’ll let other people use their things or waltz through their space without permission and then sulk about it later, instead of establishing both firm boundaries and consequences for overstepping them.

10. Caring what others think of you.

A close-up side profile of a person wearing glasses, with a focused expression. The background is blurred, suggesting an outdoor, possibly snowy setting. The image emphasizes facial details and glasses.

You may think that other people are judging you or thinking poorly of you, but why do you care about what they think? Chances are they aren’t thinking about you at all, but even if they are, so what? Don’t allow yourself to be trapped or manipulated by others’ thoughts—even assumed ones.

11. Holding onto past hurts and grudges.

A woman in a blue floral dress leans against a dark, reflective wall. She has shoulder-length hair and looks towards the camera with a calm expression. The setting appears modern and urban.

We’ve all experienced things that have hurt us, but that doesn’t mean we need to hold onto other people’s ugly words or actions toward us. You aren’t still hurting from a food poisoning incident you had several years ago, so don’t hold onto the pain from word poisoning from someone else’s poor behavior.

12. Berating yourself for your mistakes instead of learning from them.

A man with wavy brown hair and a beard is sitting on a beach, wearing a leather jacket. He appears deep in thought as he looks slightly downward. The ocean and a clear blue sky are in the background.

Everything you’re good at now required countless mistakes during the learning process, which are necessary for honing one’s skills. Instead of feeling insecure or stupid about the mistakes you’ve made in the past, focus on all the progress you’ve made, and just how much you’ve learned through trial and error.