People who act friendly but secretly dislike you exhibit these 10 revealing behaviors

These behaviors reveal a secret dislike of you.

A woman wearing a white shirt holds a happy clown mask in one hand, while her face shows an angry expression. Her other hand is clenched into a fist. The background is a plain, textured gray.

It’s always nice to see a friendly face, but not when that face conceals an underlying dislike for you. Because not everyone who smiles at you has genuinely warm feelings toward you.

Some people prefer to put on an act and pretend to like you rather than risk confrontation. Worse still, there are plenty of people who use a kind and personable demeanor to manipulate others. When in doubt, look for the following behaviors which reveal a person doesn’t much care for you.

1. They give backhanded compliments.

Two women are standing and engaged in a conversation. One woman is wearing a red blouse and the other is wearing a white blouse. They appear to be smiling and talking to each other naturally. The background features a light-colored indoor wall.

A backhanded compliment is a compliment followed by a disqualifying statement. For example, “Hey! You look great for once! What did you do?” This isn’t a kind statement because it infers that you generally don’t look good or great at other times. A person who genuinely likes you, who is giving a sincere compliment, won’t add that disqualifying statement to make you feel bad about yourself.

2. They are too polite.

Two colleagues sit at a desk engaged in a conversation. The woman in the white shirt smiles while listening attentively, resting her chin on her hand. The man in the foreground is gesturing as he speaks. A laptop and papers are visible on the desk.

Politeness is a necessary component of socialization. After all, you’re not going to get along with everyone. However, someone who is pretending to like you and who seems to be trying too hard to be polite may be masking their dislike instead. Their politeness may feel cold or forced and their behavior can seem distant and unnatural.

3. They display inconsistent behavior.

Two women having a conversation outdoors. The woman on the left is facing away from the camera, and the woman on the right, with long dark hair and wearing a light-colored jacket, appears to be reacting with a surprised or confused expression.

They may treat you differently in different situations. In one situation, they may be warm and friendly, in others they may be cold and indifferent. Typically, this shift in behavior will be around different groups of people. For example, you may be friends with someone one-on-one, but they put you down or make you the butt of their jokes in a group setting. This isn’t the hallmark of a true friend.

4. They make passive-aggressive comments.

Two women are having an intense conversation in a brightly lit room. The woman on the left, with curly hair and wearing a yellow crop top, has a concerned expression. The woman on the right, with straight hair and wearing a white shirt under a green overall dress, gestures emphatically.

Passive-aggressive people try to hide their negativity and negative opinions behind a veil of jokes or banter. They want plausible deniability to explain away that no, they weren’t actually being mean, it was just a joke! Except it’s not a joke. Instead of making you laugh, their joke made you feel uncomfortable, confused, or bad about yourself. That’s not humor. That’s passive-aggression.

5. They gossip and spread rumors.

Two women with ponytails stand in an office near large windows. One whispers into the other’s ear. Both wear business attire: one in a blue shirt holding a black bag, the other in a white shirt. Cityscape visible outside.

There’s an old saying, “If they’ll gossip with you, they’ll gossip about you.” A gossip’s friendships may be based entirely around dishing the dirt on others—that’s the primary purpose of many interactions. A gossip may be nice to you in order to learn more about you. Only, they then use that information so they can spread more gossip. These “friends” often disappear if you refuse to share the juicy details of your life. And, of course, gossips will smile to your face while talking badly about you behind your back.

6. They exclude you from group activities.

A man with a serious expression is sitting alone at a café table, resting his chin on his hand. In the background, a group of people are conversing and laughing. The café has a casual atmosphere with dim lighting and blurred details.

Sometimes people forget. If it happens once, then yeah, that might be an accident. But a person who genuinely doesn’t like you will “forget” or make excuses to not invite you multiple times. In that case, it’s not an accident. Either they are purposefully excluding you or you don’t mean enough to them to think about. Either way, they may be nice to your face but dislike you otherwise.

7. They avoid personal connections.

Two women sit outdoors, engaged in a conversation while holding mugs. One woman has brown hair pulled up, and the other has blonde hair. They appear to be sitting in a garden or patio area, with greenery and wooden structures in the background.

There are two ways that they may avoid personal connection. Firstly, they may keep all their conversations with you superficial. They don’t ask you personal questions about your life, and neither do they answer those you might ask about their life. The second way is they may just use you as an emotional dumping ground. They are happy to gush about their problems, but they make no space for you.

8. They lack enthusiasm for your success.

A woman with long dark hair, wearing a white t-shirt and a blue striped shirt, is holding a bottle and talking to another person at a beach or an outdoor setting with a straw-roofed hut in the background. The focus is on her while the other person is out of focus.

Any success, ideas, or achievements are most often met with flat emotions or passive-aggressive comments. They show little to no interest when you are sharing something that’s important to you. Apathy is just as bad as being actively disliked because it undermines your happiness and what you think is a friendship. True friends are excited, or at least interested, when you have something to share.

9. They feign support.

Two men are walking outdoors, each holding a drink with a straw. One is wearing a striped shirt, and the other is wearing a yellow shirt. They appear to be engaged in conversation. A white lattice and a canopy are visible in the background.

There are people who want to be around you to keep tabs on you, your successes, and your failures. They may want you to view them positively, so they act in a way that a friend would but without actually doing the work. Meaning, they offer to help you do the thing, but they never show up. They want to hang out with you, but they always have some reason to cancel. There are major inconsistencies in what they say and what they do.

10. They are in subtle competition with you.

Two men in suits stand on a path lined with trees, engaged in an animated conversation. One man gestures with his hand, raising his index finger, while the other has his hand in his pocket and appears to be listening intently. They are surrounded by greenery.

Competition can be good and healthy. However, the person who secretly dislikes you doesn’t want healthy competition. Instead, they may chase after the things you wish to have/acheive or engage in games of one-upmanship when you do something good for yourself. They may even try to take your goals away from you, like applying for a job that they know you want without bothering to tell you.