Strict parents inadvertently promote these 13 behaviors in their adult children (and it’s not all bad)

People who grow up with strict parents often display many of these behaviors.

A man in a white shirt is sitting on a couch, pointing his finger while speaking to a young woman with long blonde hair wearing a striped tank top. The woman appears to be looking down, showing a serious expression.

Strict parenting can leave lasting imprints on children, shaping their behaviors well into adulthood. While some outcomes prove beneficial, others may hinder personal growth and relationships.

This parenting style, characterized by high expectations and rigid rules, often stems from good intentions. However, the impact on adult children can be complex, influencing everything from their work ethic to their emotional well-being.

Let’s explore 13 behaviors that you might see in adult children of strict parents

1. They learn to accept the consequences of their actions.

A woman with long, reddish-brown hair leans against a light-colored wall, looking upward with a thoughtful expression. She is outdoors, with the blurred background featuring a modern building with blue-tinted windows.

Facing the music becomes second nature to those raised under strict regimes. Growing up with clear boundaries and swift consequences instills a strong sense of personal responsibility.

These adults don’t shy away from owning their mistakes or the outcomes of their choices. They understand that every action has a reaction, and they’re prepared to face whatever comes their way. This mindset often translates into a mature approach to life’s challenges, fostering resilience and adaptability.

The ability to accept consequences isn’t just about taking blame; it’s about recognizing the power of choice. These individuals tend to think carefully before acting, weighing potential outcomes and making informed decisions.

2. They worry whether they are liked by others.

Two women stand outdoors, one with long hair and tattoos wearing a white tank top, appearing thoughtful. The other wears a large hat and is animatedly gesturing while talking to her friend. A building with white railings is in the background.

The quest for approval doesn’t end with childhood for those raised under strict regimes. Many find themselves constantly seeking validation, their self-worth tethered to others’ opinions. This behavior stems from a childhood where love felt conditional, based on meeting high expectations or following rigid rules.

As adults, they may become people-pleasers, bending over backward to ensure everyone likes them. Social interactions become a minefield of anxiety, with every word and action scrutinized for potential disapproval.

Such constant worry can lead to exhaustion and a loss of authentic self-expression. Relationships may suffer as they struggle to set boundaries, fearing that asserting their own needs might lead to rejection or disappointment.

3. They have perfectionist tendencies.

A man with short hair is intently cleaning a stovetop with a blue cloth. The focus is on his concentrated expression as he leans closely to ensure the surface is spotless.

The relentless pursuit of flawlessness often plagues adults who grew up under strict parenting. Every task becomes a high-stakes endeavor, with anything less than perfection deemed a failure. This mindset can lead to procrastination, as the fear of not meeting impossibly high standards paralyzes action.

Perfectionism seeps into all aspects of life, from career to personal relationships. These individuals may struggle with imposter syndrome, constantly feeling like they’re not good enough despite their achievements.

The inability to celebrate small victories or learn from mistakes can hinder personal growth and lead to burnout. While striving for excellence can drive success, the perfectionist tendencies born from strict parenting often come at a high emotional cost.

4. They struggle to express their emotions.

A woman with short brown hair sits on a colorful striped blanket, resting her head on her hand while gazing off to the side. She appears contemplative or possibly concerned. Behind her, there is a window with closed blinds and some potted plants on the windowsill.

Emotional bottling becomes an art form for those raised in strict households. As children, they learned that certain feelings were unwelcome or even punishable. This emotional suppression carries into adulthood, creating a barrier between their inner world and outer expression.

These adults may find themselves at a loss when faced with intense emotions, unsure how to process or communicate their feelings. Relationships can suffer as partners struggle to understand their emotional landscape.

The inability to show vulnerability may also prevent them from forming deep, meaningful connections with others, leaving them feeling isolated despite outward success.

5. They have a strong work ethic.

A man in a shirt and tie sits on a desk, looking pensive with his hand on his chin. A lit desk lamp, cup of coffee, and open notebook are in front of him. He is working late in a dimly lit office. A laptop is to the side, and shelves of binders are behind him.

Nose to the grindstone, these adults tackle tasks with unwavering determination. The strict upbringing that demanded excellence in all endeavors translates into a powerful drive in the workplace. They’re often the first to arrive and the last to leave, pushing themselves to meet and exceed expectations.

This strong work ethic can lead to impressive career achievements and the respect of colleagues. However, it’s not without its downsides. The inability to switch off or take breaks can result in burnout and neglect of their personal life.

These individuals may struggle to find a healthy work-life balance, their self-worth too closely tied to their professional accomplishments. While their dedication is admirable, learning to value rest and personal time remains a challenge.

6. They struggle to make their own decisions, or they pay no heed to anyone else.

A woman with long dark hair and wearing a light denim shirt rests her chin on her hands and gazes thoughtfully into the distance while sitting at a wooden table in a softly lit room.

Decision-making becomes a battlefield for adults raised under strict regimes. Some find themselves paralyzed by choice, unable to trust their own judgment after years of having decisions made for them. They may constantly seek approval or advice, even for minor choices, fearing the consequences of a wrong move.

On the flip side, others swing to the opposite extreme. Rebelling against their controlled upbringing, they make decisions with reckless abandon, ignoring input from others entirely. This approach, while feeling liberating, can lead to impulsive choices and strained relationships.

Both extremes stem from the same root: a childhood where autonomy was limited, leaving these adults ill-equipped to navigate the complex world of adult decision-making.

7. They become sneaky.

A man with curly hair and a beard peeks over a white, shiny surface with both hands gripping the edge. He appears to be hiding or cautiously looking over. The background has vertically striped gray and white wallpaper.

The art of subterfuge, honed in childhood, often follows these individuals into adulthood. Growing up under strict rules, they learned to find creative ways to bend or break those rules without getting caught. This behavior, while initially a survival mechanism, can become deeply ingrained.

As adults, they might find themselves automatically hiding things or telling white lies, even when there’s no real need for secrecy. This sneakiness can erode trust in relationships and create unnecessary complications in their lives.

It’s a habit born of necessity that lingers long after the strict household rules have faded, affecting their integrity and the depth of their connections with others.

8. They engage in power struggles.

A woman with blonde hair wearing a striped shirt sits at the edge of a bed, looking distressed and holding her forehead. In the background, a man with dark hair leans back, propped up on the bed, appearing to be in a reflective or troubled state.

The battleground may have changed, but the war rages on for many adults raised under strict conditions. Accustomed to fighting against authority from a young age, they often find themselves locked in power struggles in various aspects of their lives. Whether with bosses, partners, or friends, they instinctively push back against perceived control.

This tendency can manifest in subtle ways, like passive-aggressive behavior, or more overt rebellion against rules and expectations. While standing up for oneself is important, these adults may take it to extremes, damaging relationships and hindering professional growth.

9. They have low self-esteem.

A man wearing sunglasses and a casual outfit stands outdoors with his hands behind his head, looking up. The sky is cloudy with a soft sunset glow in the background.

Beneath a facade of accomplishment often lies a fragile sense of self-worth. Adults who grew up with strict parents frequently internalize impossibly high standards, leading to a persistent feeling of inadequacy. Every achievement is overshadowed by the nagging thought that it’s not quite good enough.

This low self-esteem can manifest in various ways: perfectionism, people-pleasing, or even self-sabotage. They might struggle to accept compliments or downplay their successes, always focusing on what could have been better.

This constant self-doubt can hold them back from pursuing opportunities or forming deep relationships, as they feel unworthy of success or love.

10. They can regulate their emotions.

A woman with red hair stands against a plain gray background. She is wearing a white short-sleeved shirt and has a calm expression. One hand is placed on her hip, and the other hand is raised with her fingers touching her chin.

Emotional equilibrium becomes a finely tuned skill for many adults raised in strict households. Having learned to manage their feelings under pressure as children, they often exhibit remarkable composure in challenging situations. This ability to stay level-headed can be a significant asset in both personal and professional contexts.

However, this skill comes with a caveat. The line between regulation and suppression can blur, potentially leading to emotional disconnection. Balancing this ability with authentic emotional expression remains a lifelong journey for many.

11. They struggle to relax.

A man with a beard is lying on a couch, wearing a light-colored t-shirt and beige pants. He has his eyes closed and is pinching the bridge of his nose, appearing to be stressed or exhausted. The couch is decorated with several patterned and plain cushions.

The concept of downtime often feels foreign to those raised in strict families. Accustomed to a packed schedule and constant productivity, these adults may find relaxation elusive. The nagging feeling that they should be doing something “useful” can turn leisure activities into sources of guilt rather than enjoyment.

This difficulty in relaxing might show as overworking, filling free time with tasks, or feeling anxious when not being productive. The inability to truly unwind can lead to burnout and impact mental health.

12. They are submissive.

A woman standing and speaking in front of a whiteboard, with two men sitting at a table and listening attentively. One man is holding a pen near his mouth, seemingly deep in thought, while the other is slightly out of focus. The background has soft lighting.

The echoes of a strict upbringing often resonate in the form of submissive behavior. Adults who grew up under authoritarian parenting may struggle to assert themselves, defaulting to a passive role in relationships and professional settings. Their voices, stifled in childhood, remain muted in adulthood.

This submissiveness can manifest as difficulty in expressing opinions, setting boundaries, or standing up for their needs. They might agree to things they don’t want or take on more than they can handle to avoid conflict.

While this behavior may stem from a desire to please or avoid punishment, it can lead to resentment, unfulfillment, and being taken advantage of by others.

13. They have a strong moral compass.

A person with dark hair holds a compass up to their right eye. They have a nose ring and large hoop earrings. The background is blurred greenery.

The rigid rules of a strict upbringing often crystallize into a robust moral framework. These adults typically possess a clear sense of right and wrong, guiding their actions and decisions with unwavering certainty. This strong moral compass can lead to high integrity and trustworthiness, valued traits in both personal and professional relationships.

However, this moral rigidity can also present challenges. They may struggle with nuanced situations that don’t fit neatly into their established ethical categories. Flexibility in moral reasoning might be difficult, potentially leading to judgmental attitudes or an inability to empathize with different perspectives.