If you want lasting love, stop believing these 12 common assumptions about relationships

Don’t assume these things if you want a healthy, happy relationship.

A smiling couple stands face-to-face, leaning their foreheads together. The man is wearing a denim jacket, and the woman is in a yellow sweater. They are outdoors with a blurred background, suggesting a sunny day.

Some people get into relationships because they don’t want to be alone, while others are eager to cultivate real, solid partnerships with those they love. If you fall into the latter category, then let go of the following 12 assumptions that people often have about relationships.

1. That established gender roles are the way to go.

A man sits on a couch with a frustrated expression, holding an iron and surrounded by a disorganized pile of clothes. A woman stands in front of him with her hands on her hips, only her torso visible, wearing a yellow top and jeans.

We don’t live in the 17th century anymore, and partners of both genders are capable of doing a wide variety of tasks. Men shouldn’t assume that their wives will take care of all the housework in the same way that women shouldn’t assume that their husbands will pay all the bills. Aim for equity.

2. That once you’ve “gotten” the person, you don’t have to put effort into them anymore.

A man and a woman are seated on a couch, with pillows behind their backs. The man, wearing an orange shirt, is holding a TV remote and smiling. The woman, with long red hair in a green blouse, has her head resting on her hand and appears bored or disinterested.

Unfortunately, many who put a lot of time and effort into the person they’re dating simply stop doing so once they’re married, or in a committed partnership. The one you’re with will end up feeling like they’ve fallen for a bait-and-switch maneuver, and they may not stick around to be treated like furniture.

3. That one partner is the dominant leader and the other is the submissive follower.

A smiling woman with long, wavy hair is leading someone by the hand through a scenic outdoor area with lush greenery. The skyline of a city with tall buildings can be seen in the background under a bright blue sky.

This one is more common in conservative religious partnerships, but even in secular folks there’s a common misconception that one partner should lead, and the other should follow their lead without question, instead of the two partners working together to make decisions and solve problems as a devoted team.

4. That your life is over once you get into a relationship.

A woman and a man sit at a white kitchen counter, each resting their heads on their hands and looking stressed or tired. Two white mugs are placed in front of them. A knife block and range hood are visible in the background.

Many people wrongly believe that once they get “trapped” in a relationship, they won’t have the freedom and opportunity to have fun anymore; that it’ll all be boring responsibility. If you’re with the right person, the rest of your shared life together can in fact be an incredible adventure instead.

5. That your partner should “just know” what you’re thinking or feeling.

A man sits on a couch, covering his face with his hands in apparent distress. Next to him, a woman with shoulder-length blonde hair is gesturing animatedly and appearing to speak intensely. The background shows a blurred indoor setting with some visible plants.

People aren’t mind readers, and although your partner may know you almost as well as you know yourself, they aren’t going to know what’s going on inside your head if you don’t tell them. Communication skills are vital for relationships, so make sure that yours are in healthy working order.

6. That love means never getting angry or saying that you’re sorry.

A woman with curly hair is seated indoors, resting her head on her hand, looking thoughtful or concerned. She wears a green blouse and a white top. In the background, a person is sitting on the floor, blurred and out of focus. The mood is contemplative.

If people are upset or angry with good reason, then it’s important to work together for a resolution rather than letting resentment build up. Similarly, apologizing for wrongdoing isn’t weak: it shows real contrition, and a desire to make things right. Anger is inevitable, and sincere apologies are vital.

7. That fights mean that you aren’t compatible anymore.

A man and a woman are standing and arguing against a gray background. The man, with short hair and a beard, is pointing at the woman with both hands. The woman, with long blonde hair in a low ponytail, is looking intently at the man. Both are wearing gray shirts.

Some people believe that healthy relationships are free from any kind of argument or conflict, and that if those happen, it shows that you aren’t a solid couple anymore. In contrast, arguments show where change needs to happen so you two can find solutions that work well for both of you.

8. That if you aren’t intimate all the time, something’s wrong in your partnership.

A man and a woman lie on a bed, resting their heads on their hands and looking bored or tired. Both have neutral or slightly unhappy expressions. The man is wearing a sleeveless shirt and the woman has curly hair. They appear to be in a bedroom setting.

Bedroom fun ebbs and flows depending on people’s inclinations, health, and stress levels. As a result, you might have a lot of intimacy one month and then only have sporadic intimacy for a few months after that. This is completely normal, and isn’t indicative of any problem within the relationship.

9. That having children is necessary for a healthy family dynamic.

A family of three enjoying a walk in a park during autumn. A man in a tan coat carries a smiling child in a pink jacket and white beanie. A woman in a blue jacket and yellow scarf walks beside them, all surrounded by golden foliage.

Some people believe that relationships follow linear paths that ultimately require them to have children. This is far from true, and many people have perfectly fulfilled partnerships and marriages without having kids. If you’d like to have them, great, but don’t feel obligated to do so if you aren’t interested.

10. That having a child will bring you closer together.

Two young children lean on a table with sad expressions while a man and woman are seen in the background arguing. The scene takes place in a brightly lit room with windows and a bookshelf. The mood is tense, reflecting family conflict.

Sometimes, when a couple’s relationship is on the rocks, they have a child in the hope that the little one will help to mend rifts and bring them closer together. In reality, the lack of sleep and stress of taking care of a baby can make an already rocky partnership fall apart.

11. That women nag and men get annoyed, for no reason.

An elderly woman with curly hair and a pink bow, wearing a floral dress, appears to be scolding a bearded man in a dirty tank top, glasses, and a backwards cap. The man looks surprised and holds his hands near his stomach. They stand against a white background.

There are underlying contributing factors to every situation. If a woman is nagging about a chore that needs doing, or a man is annoyed about a behavior that keeps happening, then they’re likely both frustrated that they’ve brought this issue up several times and no progress has been made.

12. That everything is going to be “happy ever after” without any real effort.

A man and woman sit at a restaurant table with unfinished food and drinks in front of them. The man has his head resting on one hand, appearing frustrated, while the woman looks away, seemingly upset. They are dressed in formal attire, and the ambiance is dimly lit.

The truth is that every relationship requires work, and there are going to be both good periods and those that are challenging, or even uncomfortable. Financial strain, health issues, and personal conflicts may be inevitable, but they can all be overcome with loving kindness and devotion to one another, and the willingness to communicate.