How To Stop Being A Perfectionist: 8 Tips That Really Work

Perfectionism Is Not A Positive Trait

A person lying on grass measures its height with a ruler while precisely trimming it with scissors. The close-up view emphasizes attention to detail and meticulousness.

Having clicked yourself into this article, at least some part of you must finally accept that perfectionism is not always a positive trait.

It may be rooted in a desire to set high standards for yourself, but it takes it one step too far.

Toxic perfectionism occurs when a healthy level of striving turns into an unhealthy level of expectation.

And yet, looking in from the outside, many of us view perfectionism as a good thing…

We often consider wistfully how much more wonderful our own lives could be if we were able to go the extra mile to make things ‘just so.’

We’ll often label our friends or family members as perfectionists just because they go over and above and put in more effort than we would’ve done in a similar situation.

We don’t see the downsides.

And there are downsides, trust me.

So how can you overcome it?

1. Experiment With 80%

A woman wearing a green shirt and colorful necklace is sitting at a table, using a laptop. Sunlight filters in through a window. A cup is on the table, and a blurred poster is in the background.

You may be fearful of the consequences of achieving less than perfection.

You can try experimenting with imperfection – perhaps aiming for 80% instead of 100% – and assessing the ultimate outcome.

You’ll probably find that those around you won’t even notice the difference and yet you’ll have given yourself a rest from your quest for the best.

2. Reflect On Past Mistakes

A middle-aged man with short gray hair and a beard gazes thoughtfully to the side. He is wearing a gray jacket, and the background is blurred, suggesting an outdoor setting. The image captures a calm and introspective moment.

Take the time to note down some memorable mistakes you’ve made in the past. Inevitably, the perfectionist’s automatic response to these mistakes will be regret.

However, if you consider these events carefully, you should be able to identify some positive outcomes.

Perhaps you learned something or the mistake meant that you were able to take another opportunity which presented itself in the wake of your error.

The process of focusing on the positive effect of mistakes may help you to accept them and give yourself a break from punishing yourself when they inevitably happen.

3. Be Kinder To Yourself

A woman with glasses, wearing a light floral blouse, sits at a table looking stressed in front of a laptop. She holds her forehead with one hand, with a tablet and a coffee cup nearby. The background shows a modern office setting.

Chances are that your head is full of negative self-talk, delivered by an internal critic who judges your performance harshly.

Try balancing that harshness with a more sympathetic voice.

Tell yourself it’s okay to be ‘good enough’ and try to treat yourself more kindly when you make mistakes.

Listening to the negative inner voice and beating yourself up about mistakes will only intensify their effect in your mind.

4. Look At What Others Are Doing

Two men are having a discussion in a bright office. One is standing and wearing a beige jacket, while the other sits on a desk, wearing a white t-shirt. Laptops and a coffee cup are on the wooden table. Large windows are in the background.

It’s rare that we advise people to compare themselves to others here on A Conscious Rethink, but in this special circumstance it makes sense…

…when done in the right way.

Look around you at all the people who aren’t striving for perfection. Those people who are settling for ‘good enough.’

How do they appear to you? Are they all miserable and unfulfilled because they aren’t always the best at something?

No.

In fact, they are probably happier than you are. Their more relaxed attitude allows them to accept when things may not be perfect.

They have realistic standards, they adapt to whatever outcome they achieve, they move forward, and they don’t beat themselves up.

Now ask yourself: what does this teach me about my perfectionism? Is perfect all it’s cracked up to be?

5. Choose One Thing To Excel At

A woman plays an electric piano in a cozy, sunlit room with plants and soft furnishings. She wears a light blouse and a watch, with her hair tied back.

Perfectionism typically pervades every corner of a person’s life. Yet no one can be a high achiever in everything they do.

So, instead, pick one thing that you value highly in your life. Then focus your attention and energy into that so that you might excel at it.

This doesn’t mean taking your eye off the ball in other areas of your life; you should still keep things ticking over in the ‘good enough’ zone.

But this approach will give you an outlet for your perfectionist tendencies – even if you only strive for continued improvement and not a faultless standard.

So you may achieve a black belt in a chosen martial art, but don’t imagine for one second that you’re going to be the best in the world, let alone your class.

Or you may go all out to master playing the piano to a concert level, but don’t worry about the single note out of place during a performance.

6. Fake A Mistake

A woman wearing an apron holds a tray of muffins, smiling at a man in a maroon shirt and glasses who is sitting at a table and smelling a muffin. The table has a laptop, notepad, and pencil on it. A rack of baked goods is in the background.

This relates back to aiming for 80% instead of 100% and is a form of exposure therapy.

If you really want to see that the world still turns despite your being imperfect, make conscious mistakes that you could have actually avoided.

…but make them small for now.

So compose an email and include a typo. Over-bake that brownie you’re making. Leave one corner of your bedroom in a mess for a whole week!

The sky will not fall. Life will continue. Take note and learn from this.

7. Create Some Imperfect Art

A person with short red hair is meticulously sculpting a clay pot on a table in a pottery studio. The individual is dressed in a white, long-sleeved shirt and surrounded by various pottery tools and shelves filled with pottery items in the background.

Creating a work of art can be incredibly relaxing. It can keep you glued to the present moment as you unleash your creative potential.

And the great thing about art is that it doesn’t need to be perfect. The beauty of art is in the eye of the beholder. No piece of art can be called perfect.

So buy a canvas and some oil paints or some modelling clay and see what you can come up with.

If you choose to sketch or paint, perhaps try cubism or impressionism as these styles don’t rely on the outcome being a true likeness of what you’re trying to portray.

And pottery or sculptures will always contain flaws and sticky-outy bits, so you needn’t worry about them.

When you’ve finished, be proud of what you’ve created and the imperfect nature of it.

8. Break Things Down

A man with short hair is intently cleaning a stovetop with a blue cloth. The focus is on his concentrated expression as he leans closely to ensure the surface is spotless.

These simple changes of approach could all help you to overcome your perfectionistic tendencies step-by-step:

– Set yourself realistic, achievable goals.

– Break down potentially overwhelming tasks into manageable steps.

– Focus on one task at a time.

– Acknowledge that it’s only human to make mistakes.

– Recognize that most mistakes actually help with learning and growth.

– Remain realistic about possible outcomes by confronting fear of failure.

The Bottom Line

A woman in an office is illuminated by a computer screen while holding a smartphone. She is seated at a desk with a keyboard, coffee cup, and stationery. The background shows city lights through a window, indicating nighttime.

Since this pattern of behavior has been a long time in the making, it won’t be a quick fix.

Hopefully, by adopting some of the suggestions above, you’ll soon be able to move away from the all-or-nothing approach to life.

You’ll need to remind yourself regularly that it’s OK not to be perfect and to give yourself permission to lower your gaze from the pinnacle of perfection you previously saw as the only worthwhile goal.

Author Harriet B. Braiker neatly summarized the negative effect of perfectionism: Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing.