Change is inevitable, so why do we fear it?
If you’re reading this now, then you have undergone countless changes over the course of your life thus far.
After all, if you hadn’t, you would still be in diapers, unable to read, certainly unable to operate the phone or computer that you’re reading this on.
Most life changes happen so slowly and subtly that we barely notice our evolution. We might have body aches during sudden growth spurts, but most of the time we don’t even realize when we’ve grown an inch in a month.
The same goes for every skill you know, and everything you’ve ever learned. You weren’t born knowing those things, and the learning process is one of constant change as well.
So why do so many people fear change? What are the common psychological causes?
1. Neurodivergence.
Many people who are autistic (or otherwise neurodivergent) have an intense aversion to change due to differences in brain wiring. They’re most comfortable with routine and consistency and can experience overwhelming anxiety if and when changes occur.
These might not even be “big” changes, but rather the seemingly insignificant ones that neurotypical people take for granted.
For example, many autistic people have a list of “safe” foods and textures that they’re comfortable with. In contrast, neurotypical people might have no problem buying a different food brand if their usual one is out of stock, or getting a wool sweater instead of a cotton one. These different flavors or textures can cause intense sensory discomfort and even pain for autistic people.
Because of this difference in brain wiring, autistic people can also find unexpected changes of plan or new situations extremely anxiety-inducing.
This aversion to change is not them being difficult, dramatic or over-sensitive, it’s a result of a genuine neurological difference that’s beyond their control.
There’s a lot of research to show that autism is often missed or misdiagnosed in girls, women, and those who don’t display the stereotypical presentation, so if you have a strong aversion to change that’s not explained by the other reasons on this list, it’s worth exploring this further.
2. An overly sheltered childhood.
Some people moved a lot with their families, changing schools and friendship groups on a regular basis.
Others lived in the same home for 18+ years and could rely on a tight schedule that included the same recipes every night, consistent weather patterns, and the like. They didn’t have to deal with anything more traumatic than the death of an elderly relative, and thus never had the opportunity to develop coping mechanisms.
As such, when and if they find themselves in situations of uncertainty, or if big changes hit them out of nowhere, they don’t know how to handle them.
3. Long periods of stress.
People who have had to withstand difficult and stressful situations for long periods of time tend to guard their peace as fiercely as possible. They find immense comfort in consistency, and don’t deal well with change at all. This is completely understandable, since they spent so much time in uncertain—and even harrowing—circumstances.
As an example, I worked with homeless youth for several years, and they thrived with sameness and routine. Any unexpected change would throw many of them into panic attacks and emotional spirals because they were terrified of experiencing that level of difficulty again.
4. Fear of potential pain.
Some people need consistency after they’ve been through intensely damaging events. They may have experienced traumatic loss or lived through disaster or war, and any change to their daily routines and surroundings may cause them intense anxiety.
Many feel on a fundamental level that if everything around them stays the same, then nothing “bad” will happen. They won’t have to deal with pain, hunger, or uncertainty—they can keep on keeping on without having to brace for the next onslaught.
Furthermore, if things stay the same, then there’s little chance of potential pain. After all, most change comes with some degree of discomfort. And some types of change will be downright painful, while others are annoying or frustrating.
Since we would all prefer to avoid stress, frustration, and pain, maintaining the status quo is a lot more comfortable than the disruption that change may bring.
5. Previous negative experiences with change.
Not every uncomfortable experience is a “trauma” per se, but that doesn’t mean that these experiences were pleasant. If you’ve been through things that have caused upheaval or difficulty in your life, then it’s no surprise that you feel the need to keep things comfortable and consistent.
If you’ve settled into a cozy place that makes you feel secure and content, then it’s wholly understandable why you wouldn’t want anything to change. You know how messy things would be if you had to adjust to entirely different circumstances.
Examples of this might include moving to a different area that’s far away from friends and family.
6. Fear of potential failure.
If you don’t risk anything new or different, then you won’t risk potentially failing at it. For many people, the possibility of failure is so terrifying to them that they remain in situations that are excruciating for them.
7. Loss of control, since outcomes are unknown.
Our brains love certainty, and they tend to go a bit wonky when variables are unknown. It’s one of the reasons why many people are so devout in their religious faiths. They have absolute answers to all of life’s questions, and if they adhere to specific tenets and practices, then they’re certain that everything will be okay.
There’s also an aspect of personal sovereignty and autonomy here. If you grew up in an environment where you were subject to constant change, without having any say in it, then it’s unsurprising that you want to maintain things the way you want them to be.
As children, most of us are completely at the mercy of the whims and wants of the adults around us. We have no say in what we wear, eat, or do on a daily basis. When we grow up, we have the freedom and personal authority to do what we like. We’re the ones in control, so we can make all the choices we want for ourselves.
When a change happens that’s beyond our control, it can draw up memories of being powerless. As you can imagine, that’s not much fun for anyone to experience.
8. Not wanting to let others down.
Another major reason why countless people avoid change is because they don’t want to hurt or disappoint those they care about. It’s the main reason why incompatible partners stay together. They don’t want to hurt the other party by breaking up the relationship, nor do they want to potentially damage their children, lose closeness with their in-laws, and so on.
As a result, they continue plodding onward. They’re miserable and unfulfilled, living lives that they don’t even want anymore, because that’s easier for them than causing pain to those they love.
9. Fear of death.
This is the most common reason why people are scared of change. Any change they experience is a type of death, and most people are more afraid of death than anything else.
We discussed earlier how a lot of people avoid change because if everything around them remains constant, then there’s little likelihood of anything “bad” happening to them. Their anxiety about change has less to do with change itself and more to do with the fear they know is associated with loss. And what greater loss is there than death?
But the thing is, death brings life. One relationship has to end before another can properly begin. Similarly, an unhealthy tree needs to fall over and decompose in order for new life to grow in its place.
Death is part of the natural order of things, but since we don’t have absolute answers for what occurs after we leave these temporary vessels, death is still seen as something to be feared.
If change doesn’t happen, then there’s less chance of it all ending, right?
