People who are pushovers in their relationships display these 10 traits

Being a pushover in a relationship is not healthy.

A close-up of a person with short hair embracing another person from behind. The foreground person wears a striped shirt and a bow tie, while the background person gazes softly at the camera. The atmosphere is warm and intimate.

For various reasons, some people struggle to assert themselves in a relationship. They neither stand up for themselves nor voice their opinions loud enough for their partner to pay attention. Being a pushover is not healthy in any relationship, let alone a romantic one with a person who should be your “partner” in spirit as well as in name. Those who let their partner dictate everything tend to display most of the following traits.

1. They have a difficult time saying no.

A woman with blonde hair sits on a gray couch, looking pensive and resting her chin on her hands. A man with dark curly hair and wearing a green sweater sits slightly behind her, gazing at her with a concerned expression.

A pushover struggles with saying no, even when they want or need to. They may be afraid of conflict or worry about disappointing others. They would rather sacrifice their own peace and happiness than face the discomfort of potentially being a bother. That leads them to agree to things that they don’t want to do or that make them uncomfortable.

2. They have a constant need for approval.

A woman in a pink blouse tenderly kisses a man in a blue shirt on the cheek while he looks at his phone. Both are sitting close together on a couch in a cozy living room with dark cushions and light-colored curtains in the background.

They often prioritize their need for approval over their own needs and desires. Their own happiness and well-being ranks lower than feeling accepted. These individuals often have poor self-esteem and need that external validation to feel good about themselves. It’s normal to want external validation from time to time, but it’s not normal to sacrifice your well-being for it.

3. They are afraid of conflict.

A man and a woman are lying on a bed with their heads next to each other, looking upward. The man wears a light green shirt, and the woman is in a white top. Both appear relaxed and thoughtful, set against the neutral tones of the bedspread.

Conflict is necessary in a healthy relationship. That doesn’t mean fighting, yelling, and screaming at one another. Conflict can be as simple as “I disagree with you and we need to talk about it.” It just means that two people aren’t seeing eye-to-eye. A pushover will suppress their feelings or avoid addressing their issues because they can’t manage that discomfort.

4. They have low self-esteem.

A grayscale image of a person with long hair, partially obscuring their face. Their head is tilted downward, with hair falling over their face, giving a contemplative or pensive expression. The background is plain.

Many pushovers struggle with low self-esteem. They believe that their needs and feelings are less important because they are a lesser person than others. A lack of self-worth makes it easy for others to take advantage of them, but that’s not always malicious. People that love and care about someone with low-esteem still need to be told what is okay and what’s not because everyone is different.

5. They are over-accommodating.

A woman with shoulder-length brown hair is smiling broadly and giving two thumbs up. She is wearing a white tank top and standing against a bright yellow background.

Excessive, one-sided compromise often leads the pushover to feel overwhelmed and resentful. Their over-accommodating behavior means that their needs and desires go unmet. Instead, they just see themselves and their kindness being taken advantage of over and over until they get tired of it. It’s not a compromise if one person is walking away totally happy.

6. They are afraid of rejection.

A woman with a thoughtful expression rests her chin on her hands, while a man sitting next to her leans his head on her shoulder and places his hand on her upper arm. They appear to be in a comforting and supportive moment.

A pushover may not stand up for themselves because they are afraid of being rejected or abandoned. They tolerate behavior they don’t like, hoping to maintain the relationship and earn validation. A person who loves and values another doesn’t just throw them away over a disagreement. If they do, then you can know for sure that they did not love and value you, and you’re better off without them.

7. They are unable to set boundaries.

A woman with a concerned expression holds her forehead, sitting in the foreground. In the background, a man is blurred, appearing to be in distress or deep thought. Both are indoors, with soft lighting creating a somber mood.

They often lack the ability to set and enforce their own boundaries. That typically results in others overstepping boundaries or taking advantage of their kindness. The idea of creating and asserting boundaries is so uncomfortable and feels so wrong that they avoid it altogether. Furthermore, any boundaries they do set are usually so flimsy that they might as well not exist at all.

8. They may not think about their own needs.

A woman with long brown hair wearing a white sweater sits on a couch, resting her head on her left hand and looking upset. In the background, a man with short brown hair in a blue shirt sits with his arms crossed, looking away. Both appear to be in distress.

Pushovers can condition themselves into losing touch with their own needs. They don’t think about them because they are too focused on trying to make others happy. Emotional dissatisfaction is common because they may not be aware of what they want in a relationship. It’s impossible to fulfill your emotional needs if you don’t know what those needs are.

9. They apologize too much.

A man wearing an orange shirt and jeans kneels and clasps his hands together as if begging, looking towards a woman with long hair, who is wearing a red plaid shirt and blue jeans and stands with her arms crossed, facing away. They are in a living room with a couch and bookshelf.

Apologies are a powerful tool to repair damage caused by your behavior. A meaningful apology demonstrates remorse and acknowledgment of how one’s actions harmed the other. However, pushovers tend to apologize for anything that could start a conflict because they don’t want to fight, risking a disruption in the relationship. Low self-esteem may make them feel like they aren’t worth forgiveness and they should punish themselves by not resolving the issue.

10. They have difficulty expressing emotions.

A woman and a man are sitting back-to-back on a grassy lawn. The woman, with long brown hair, has her eyes closed and is leaning her head slightly to one side with her hand resting on her head. The man, with short dark hair and a beard, also has his eyes closed.

People who are pushovers tend to not think of themselves and their own emotional health because they are so focused on others. As a result, they may not be the best at talking about their feelings, especially the negative ones. They’re not focused on standing up for their own emotions and well-being, so they stifle their emotions which makes it difficult to understand communicate them. Unfortunately, if you do that long enough, you can accidentally shut your emotions off.