Life isn’t easy.
No matter how privileged we are and how much luck we’re blessed with, we’re always going to come up against situations that challenge us sooner or later.
That’s just the way it is.
We’re all going to experience heartache, grief, frustration, and despair, to greater and lesser degrees, at some stage in our lives.
Yet some of us seem to bounce back from this adversity a lot easier than others.
Why is that?
It’s not a one-size-fits-all solution as we each have different ways of responding to situations, but there are common things that the more resilient among us seem to do almost instinctively. The good news is that with a little effort, you can do them too.
1. They Give Themselves Time To Process Events
If you’ve been hit hard by bad news, don’t expect to bounce back immediately. Ironically, the more you try and push through it, and push your feelings down, the harder it gets to cope.
People who overcome adversity know that resilience isn’t about suppressing your feelings, but, instead, taking some time out and trying to face them head-on.
So if you can, and you feel you need to, don’t hesitate to take some time off from work or studying.
2. They Reach Out For The Support They Need
Whether it’s close friends or family that you reach out to, or you turn to professional help, reaching out to someone is one of the single best things you can do to help yourself. No human is an island and we shouldn’t try to get through tough times on our own. It’s easy to see asking for help as a sign of weakness, but it actually requires huge amounts of strength to admit you need support.
3. They Don’t Make It All About Them
Getting things off your chest can help you to process how you feel, as we often experience moments of clarity when we verbalize our thoughts. So do throw yourself into those discussions when the time is right and you’re speaking to someone who cares about you, but do your best to make sure it doesn’t become your sole topic of conversation.
People who get through tough times quicker tend to not become self-absorbed. They ask people about their lives, too, and they find it a wonderful distraction.
When they find their thoughts continually drifting back to the situation they’re facing, they have plenty of other things at the ready to think about. Podcasts are great for this.
Whilst this might seem contradictory to point 1, it’s important to find balance. You need to feel your feelings, and process your thoughts, but don’t let them consume you.
4. They Identify Any Lessons Learned
I know that the old adage about clouds and silver linings is a bit overused, but that’s because it’s true.
It can be incredibly frustrating to be told to look for the positives when you’re going through a rough patch, but even if you can’t see any positives, there is usually something to be learned in the vast majority of situations.
It’s during the tough times that we become stronger and generally become better people. People who face adversity head on try to identify the precise skill or life lesson that this experience has taught them and think about how they could use this newfound knowledge the next time the waters get a little choppy.
5. They Find Gratitude In What Is Going Well
I’m sure if you were to write a cons list it could go on forever, but that’s not what we’re focusing on here.
People who come back from adversity tend to do so because they don’t allow it overshadow the good things they do have.
So write a list of all the things that are going well in your life. Seeing these written down on paper will hopefully remind you just how lucky you are in so many ways.
Focus on the details, like the precise reasons why you’re grateful to have a particular person in your life, or what you love about your job, or the beauty you see around you.
Let all the positives come flowing out of you. And there usually are positives if you look hard enough.
6. They Keep Busy
When we’re feeling low, it can be incredibly tempting to just curl up into a ball and do precisely nothing.
But people who tackle adversity head on tend to avoid that trap.
Whilst you should definitely prioritize resting and eating well, you should keep yourself at a nice level of busyness, teamed with enough downtime.
Make plans to see some of the people you’re grateful to have in your life and do some of the activities you love.
You don’t have to break the bank if you’re struggling financially, but think of ways to have fun for free, or nearly free.
Even if your main problem is that you’re actually incredibly busy and stressed, consciously taking the time to do things you enjoy in a leisurely manner could be what breathes life back into you.
7. They Declutter And Organize
You know that phrase ‘tidy home, tidy mind’? We often don’t realize just how big of an impact our surroundings can have on our state of mind.
When you’re feeling low, finally tackling your overflowing wardrobe and getting rid of all the clothes you don’t wear can make you feel like you can take on anything.
When life gets busy, cleaning is often one of the first things to fall by the wayside, and a grubby home is never conducive to a calm mind.
If you can afford one, a cleaner is worth every penny. It’s one very big thing that you don’t have to worry about and it hopefully means that you’re supporting a local business, so you can feel good about yourself, free up huge amounts of time, and enjoy a more restful home environment.
8. They Set Daily Goals
People who are adept at overcoming adversity use this as a wonderful way to gain a sense of achievement every single day.
I don’t know about you, but my to-do lists used to be made up of very big, abstract goals that I almost never had the satisfaction of actually ticking off. It left me feeling like I was failing at everything, which was certainly not conducive to tackling obstacles when they arose.
Breaking everything down into smaller goals and putting everyday tasks such as doing the dishes on your list means you really feel like you’re getting somewhere.
Try to set one thing to accomplish for your professional development, one thing for others, one practical thing, and one thing that nourishes your soul every day.
That might take the shape of finally sending that email, meeting a friend who’s going through a tough time too, doing the laundry, and reading a chapter of a book.
If those four things don’t sound quite right for you, adapt them to your specific needs. If you can tick off four things every day, then, whatever you’re going through, life will seem to have more direction and purpose.
9. They Take It One Day At A Time
It’s another old cliché, but people who overcome adversity that little bit easier than the rest of us really do take it one day at a time.
In fact, they not only taking things day by day, but hour by hour, and even minute by minute if they have to. This is a trick that Navy SEALs use to enable them to endure the toughest of conditions and it can do the same for you.
By breaking your time down into manageable segments, you’ll feel more capable of getting through each one. You won’t feel so swamped and overwhelmed by everything life has thrown at you and your resilience in the face of challenging circumstances will grow.
10. They Get Moving
I’m sure this is nothing new to you, but people say it so much because it’s true.
Exercise is important at the best of times, and even more so when you’re going through any kind of challenging time in your life.
People who overcome tough times know that nothing seems quite as bad when your heart is pumping and your dopamine and serotonin are flowing. So, whether you take a walk, do some basic yoga, go for a morning run, or even stretch from the comfort of your armchair, get your body moving and you’ll start to feel that little bit more capable of tackling whatever life is throwing at you.
