12 Unforgivable Acts That Prove Your Partner Doesn't Really Love You

These things cross a very real line and prove your partner’s lack of love.

A man with a beard puts a finger to his lips, gesturing for silence, while placing his other hand over a woman's mouth. The woman looks worried and thoughtful. Both are wearing white shirts, and the background is a soft, neutral color.

There are actions that show how much your partner loves you, and those that make it abundantly clear that they don’t really care about you at all. The 12 actions that follow are massive red flags that you need to watch out for to stay safe.

1. Lies that put you at risk.

A woman with long, light brown hair in a beige cable-knit sweater points at her nose, which is exaggeratedly long like Pinocchio's. She is smirking slightly against a gray background.

We may all fib now and then, especially about things that may hurt our partners’ feelings, but a foundational lie that may cause you serious harm is unforgivable. These might include a partner lying about their HIV status, or not disclosing a criminal background that may put you at risk.

2. Not standing up for you.

A family of four gathers in a bright kitchen. A young man and woman on the left are focused on a tablet and laptop respectively. An older woman in the center appears to be talking passionately, while an older man on the right listens intently. The counter has breakfast items.

If family members or friends insult you, do they stay quiet to keep the peace rather than risk offending anyone? Or if a stranger is making you uncomfortable, do they come to your defense? If not, they’re telling you that they’re a coward, and you aren’t important enough for them to protect.

3. Sabotage.

A woman sits on a couch, looking down and holding her temples with her fingers, appearing stressed. Next to her, a man in glasses and a blue sweater gestures with his hands and speaks, looking concerned. They are in a well-lit room with blurred background.

A person who sabotages your endeavors—such as forgetting to submit your school application forms or tax information—doesn’t have your best interests at heart. The same goes for sabotaging food to make you ill, or doing things like intentionally puncturing holes in physical contraceptives in an attempt to “baby trap” you.

4. Intentionally damaging precious property.

A frustrated man in a white shirt and tie is holding a laptop above his head as if about to throw it. He stands in a modern office space with a plant, bookshelf, and large window in the background.

A person who truly loves you would never break your things intentionally, out of malice or as a punishment. In contrast, if your partner doesn’t really love you, they might destroy your treasured belongings as punishment for perceived wrongdoing, or because they can’t control their temper when you’re arguing.

5. Abandonment.

A woman with long brown hair and a white sweater sits on a dark gray couch, looking intently at her smartphone. The background features potted plants, a kitchen counter with various items, and light gray walls.

Ghosting a partner is one of the most reprehensible actions a person can do, as it shows a complete lack of love or respect. If there is any care present, then the relationship can be ended with courtesy: only people with zero integrity will simply abandon their partner without any warning.

6. Consciously overstepping intimate boundaries.

A woman with short red hair and a man with short brown hair sit in bed under white blankets, facing away from each other and looking upset. The woman sits with her arms crossed, while the man rests his arms on the bed. Both have neutral blue and white attire.

Consent in physical intimacy is sacrosanct. Everyone has boundaries that they don’t want crossed, and overstepping those boundaries can result in serious trauma, as well as the end of the partnership. A partner who knowingly oversteps your intimate boundaries only cares about themselves, and is a danger to you.

7. Theft.

A person in a dark shirt inserts a card into an ATM machine, preparing to conduct a transaction. The ATM has a screen, keypad, and several card slots visible.

It’s great when couples share just about everything, but that still involves regular communication and respect. If your partner sells anything of yours without permission, or empties out your shared bank account for a self-indulgent purchase, that shows you that they don’t really love or respect you, or your belongings.

8. Humiliating you in front of others.

A young man with short hair and a gray sweater is pointing and laughing at a young woman with long blonde hair and glasses, who looks upset while wearing a brown sweater. They are standing against a plain gray background.

Some partners have fun roasting each other in private, but it’s never okay for someone to humiliate you in front of others—either for their own amusement, or to punish you somehow. Telling other people your personal struggles or missteps in an attempt to embarrass you is a massive red flag.

9. Gaslighting.

A woman with an expressive face gestures with her hands while talking to a man who looks surprised and confused. They are sitting at a wooden table in a cafe with drinks in front of them. The man wears a plaid shirt, and the woman wears a striped blouse.

Many manipulative and/or narcissistic people will gaslight their partners in order to avoid personal accountability. If your partner is making you doubt your own sanity, or is causing you to lose faith in your own judgment, then this is a seriously unhealthy (and unloving) partnership.

10. Lack of repentance after causing harm.

A woman with long dark hair wearing a red knit sweater stands in front of a blue background. She looks confused, shrugging her shoulders and raising her hands with palms up.

We all mess up and hurt each other unintentionally at times, but that offers us the opportunity to communicate about our errors and work things out with those we love. If your partner hurts you but is unrepentant (or even implies that you deserved it), then they don’t really love you.

11. Being abusive toward your child or pet (physically or emotionally).

A man angrily points his finger at a young girl who is sitting on the floor against a wall, covering her ears with her hands. The man is squatting in front of her. They are in a room with wooden flooring and a large window in the background.

Some abusers are cruel to someone’s children or animal companions as a proxy. For example, if you step out of line, then they’ll hurt those close to you because they know how badly that’ll damage you. This is a special kind of sadism, and you’ll need to break free from them asap.

12. Physical violence toward you.

A woman with a serious expression is staring at a man who has his index finger raised in front of her face. The background is dark, and the woman is wearing a white shirt. The man is slightly out of focus.

Although this is last on this list, it’s one of the most unforgivable items here. Physical violence is never the answer, and if your partner assaults you, then they don’t love you. Period. If this ever happens, please reach out to local law enforcement, and get yourself to safety as quickly as possible.