11 clumsy questions you should never ask someone who is struggling with their mental health

Simply do not ask these questions to those with poor mental health.

A woman's face is half-lit against a dark background, with her reflection visible in a mirror beside her. The lighting highlights her solemn expression, emphasizing the contrast between light and shadow.

More people are struggling with mental health issues than ever before, so it’s important to learn how to navigate these struggles with supportive encouragement. Although some people might think that they’re being helpful by asking the questions below, they’re some of the clumsiest, and most potentially damaging queries one can ask.

1. “Have you tried thinking more positively?”

Two young women sitting on steps. One appears upset, with her head in her hand, while the other gently supports her with a hand on her shoulder. Their expressions convey concern and empathy in an outdoor setting.

Would you ask a diabetic to think more positively in order to regulate their insulin production? A person who’s struggling with depression, anxiety, or various other mental disorders can’t just use “happy thoughts” to dispel the issues that are crippling them any more than a cancer patient can smile a tumor away.

2. “Don’t you think you’re being a bit overdramatic?”

Two people are sitting close on the floor, with one person comforting the other. One has their head bowed and is being comforted by the other who has a hand on their back. The scene conveys empathy and support. Both individuals are casually dressed.

Some people believe that mental health struggles aren’t a big deal, and that unless someone is dealing with a “real” degenerative or life-threatening illness, then they really have nothing to complain about. They don’t understand how debilitating mental illness can be, which is incredibly invalidating to those suffering with it.

3. “Why are you still upset about something that happened so long ago?”

An older woman with short gray hair comforts a younger woman with long brown hair sitting beside her on a couch. The younger woman looks distressed, with her head down and hand on her neck, while the older woman offers support.

Many who struggle with issues like complex PTSD, anxiety, and/or panic disorders have literally had their brains altered by the traumas they experienced. They aren’t being silly and “hung up” on a past bad experience: their brains have been restructured and don’t function the way they did before.

4. “Have you thought about trying X supplement?”

A man with glasses sits on a couch, looking down thoughtfully, with his hands clasped. A woman beside him gently touches his shoulder, offering comfort and support. The room is softly lit with sunlight coming through a window.

While it’s kind of you to want to help, suggesting St. John’s wort or magnesium to alleviate symptoms isn’t going to help those who are genetically predisposed to certain mental health conditions. Furthermore, it’s very likely that they’ve already tried just about everything to find some relief from their symptoms.

5. “Do you think that getting a bit more exercise would help?”

A man with a bald head and facial hair sits with his eyes closed and fingers on his temples, looking stressed or in pain. In the blurred background, a woman with red hair and glasses observes him attentively. Their expressions suggest concern and empathy.

Many antipsychotic and antidepressant medications cause weight gain, which can wreak even greater havoc on someone who’s already suffering poor mental health and low self-esteem. While exercise can help to release “happy hormones” to alleviate mood, many people with mental health issues have bodies that can’t regulate these hormones properly.

6. “Are you in therapy for this?”

A man with dark hair, wearing a light blue denim shirt, is engaged in a conversation with a woman whose back is to the camera. The man rests his head on his hand and looks attentively at the woman in a casual indoor setting.

Most of the people who are struggling with their mental health feel intense shame and self-loathing about their conditions. Asking a question like this makes them feel like they aren’t doing enough to help themselves, nor showing enough progress to make others around them feel more comfortable.

7. “You’re in no danger, so what are you afraid of?”

Two people are in the image. The person in the foreground, looking away, wears a black shirt. The person in the background has a short hairstyle and a hand on the other's shoulder, appearing empathetic. The background is a neutral gray.

While most people will naturally feel anxiety about dental surgery or potential attacks in shark-infested waters, those with anxiety or panic disorders seem to be “scared of nothing”. In reality, their amygdalas—the brain structure that governs fear—are so hyperactive that they’re put on high panic alert at the slightest provocation.

8. “Is it that time of the month?”

A man in a plaid shirt gently places his hands on the shoulders of a woman in a pink sweater. The woman looks away, appearing thoughtful. They are indoors with a curtain in the background.

Few things are as appalling and invalidating as to imply that someone’s mental health struggles are due to their menstrual cycle. Hormonal rollercoasters definitely contribute to emotional upheaval, but whether someone is on their period or not, implying that their natural cycle is making them irrational and crazy doesn’t help anyone.

9. “Do you think that eating like a child is good for you?”

A man with a beard, wearing a blue shirt, sits at a table with an open pizza box and a bottle of soda. He looks uninterested as he rests his head on one hand and reaches for a slice of pizza with the other hand. The background is a bright room with curtains.

Many people who struggle with mental health and/or neurodiverse spectrum issues have severe aversions to certain foods (known as Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder). As such, they may only be able to tolerate “safe” foods that they know they can eat without gagging or getting ill. Implying that their pickiness is juvenile is immensely unkind.

10. “How would you think your family would feel if you took your own life?

Two people sit closely on a couch, with one person, wearing a yellow and white striped shirt, looking down and appearing distressed. The other person, with long hair and a beige sweater, has an arm around their shoulder, offering comfort. A plant is visible in the background.

Know that anyone who’s struggling with suicidal ideation is already going through absolute hell, otherwise they wouldn’t be in that state. Implying that they’re selfish about potentially hurting others by choosing to end their torment is just going to make everything they’re going through so much worse, so don’t do it.

11. “Did you remember to take your medication today?”

A man sits on a couch with his head in his hands, appearing distressed. A woman sits beside him, gently placing her hand on his shoulder, offering comfort and support. Both are dressed in casual gray attire. The background is simple and uncluttered.

Even if you have the best of intentions, phrasing a question like this is not the way to ask if they’re being diligent about their prescription. It implies that they’re behaving in such an unhinged, appalling manner that the only reasonable explanation is that they’re off their “be less crazy” meds.