13 Crazy Behaviors That Prove You're Under A Narcissist's Spell

These behaviors are proof that a narcissist has you spellbound.

A woman with long blonde hair and pink lipstick stands in focus amidst blooming flowers, while a man with light brown hair wearing a yellow sweater stands out of focus in the foreground.

Falling under a narcissist’s spell can be an insidious process, often unnoticed until you’re deeply entangled. Their manipulation and control become your new normal, leaving you feeling lost and alone. Recognizing these 13 behaviors is crucial for breaking free and reclaiming your life. Let’s explore the signs that indicate you’re caught in a narcissist’s web.

1. You are terrified of being abandoned or rejected by them, despite their abuse.

A couple embraces on a sunlit beach. The man, wearing a striped shirt, sunglasses, and a hat, smiles while holding his hat. The woman stands behind him, resting her head on his shoulder with her arms around him, smiling softly. The beach and buildings are blurred in the background.

Panic sets in at the mere thought of them leaving. Ironically, this fear persists even as they treat you poorly. You cling desperately to the relationship, trying to please them while enduring their hurtful behavior. The narcissist has masterfully crafted this dependency, making you believe life without them is unbearable.

They’ve systematically chipped away at your self-esteem, leaving you feeling incapable of surviving on your own. As a result, you tolerate increasingly worse treatment, convinced that any relationship is better than none at all. Your fear of abandonment keeps you trapped in a cycle of abuse and reconciliation.

2. You seek constant validation from them.

A close-up of a couple. The woman with curly hair is leaning her head on the man's shoulder, smiling gently. The man, also with dark hair, is looking downward with a soft expression. They are indoors, and the background is softly blurred.

Craving their approval becomes an all-consuming obsession. Every decision, action, and thought revolves around gaining their validation. The narcissist’s systematic erosion of your self-worth has left you doubting yourself, making their opinion the only one that matters.

Constantly seeking their input, you become desperate for any morsel of praise or acknowledgment. Their sparing doling out of approval keeps you hooked on their emotional breadcrumbs. Your need for validation reinforces their control over you, creating a vicious cycle of dependency.

3. You feel somehow responsible for their emotions or actions.

A woman in a yellow cardigan sits on a couch, looking away with a hand on her chin, appearing frustrated. A man in a brown hoodie sits next to her, gesturing with clenched fists and an angry expression, amidst a dispute in a bright room with plants.

Taking on the burden of the narcissist’s feelings and behaviors becomes second nature. You’ve been conditioned to believe that their mood swings, outbursts, and even their successes or failures are somehow your responsibility. Misplaced accountability keeps you trapped in a cycle of trying to manage their emotions.

When they’re upset, you scramble to fix things. Their happiness makes you feel a sense of achievement. Emotional caretaking exhausts you, yet you can’t seem to stop. By shifting the responsibility for their well-being onto your shoulders, the narcissist ensures you remain tethered to their needs.

4. You obey them out of guilt.

A couple stands close together, with the woman looking down pensively and the man gazing at her with a gentle expression. The background is blurred, highlighting the emotional connection between them. The woman has long dark hair, and the man has short dark hair.

Guilt becomes the puppet strings by which the narcissist controls you. As we’ve just learned, they’ve mastered the art of making you feel responsible for their happiness, or lack thereof. As a result, you comply with their demands, no matter how unreasonable, just to avoid the crushing weight of guilt they’ve programmed you to feel.

Your obedience isn’t born from respect or love, but from a deep-seated fear of disappointing them. The narcissist has cultivated this guilt-driven compliance, ensuring that you’ll bend to their will without question. Your own needs and desires take a backseat as you strive to meet their ever-changing expectations.

5. You don’t feel able to set personal boundaries with them.

A man and woman stand closely together. The man, with a beard and short hair, looks down at the woman while gently touching his forehead to hers. The woman, with her eyes closed and relaxed expression, slightly leans into the man. Both wear red plaid shirts.

Boundaries become blurred, then non-existent in the face of narcissistic manipulation. Saying “no” or establishing limits on their behavior feels impossible. The narcissist’s relentless push against your personal space and autonomy has left you vulnerable and exposed.

They’ve conditioned you to believe that having boundaries is selfish or uncaring. Consequently, you allow them to encroach on every aspect of your life, from your time and energy to your personal thoughts and feelings. Your inability to stand up for yourself leaves you open to further exploitation and emotional abuse.

6. You second-guess your own perceptions of the world and people.

A man wearing a plaid shirt stands in a kitchen with his arms out in a confused or questioning gesture. In the foreground, a woman with a distressed expression sits and holds her head in her hand. The kitchen features wooden cabinets, a brick wall, and a kettle.

Doubt clouds your judgment, making you question even the most basic truths about your experiences. The narcissist has systematically undermined your confidence in your own perceptions, leaving you in a constant state of uncertainty. Your self-doubt extends beyond your relationship with them, affecting how you view the world and interact with others.

Hesitating to trust your own instincts, you often defer to others’ opinions—especially the narcissist’s. By eroding your self-trust, they maintain control over your understanding of the world around you. Your uncertainty becomes a powerful tool in their arsenal of manipulation.

7. You are addicted to their intermittent reinforcement.

A close-up of a couple hugging each other. The man, with a beard, is wearing a gray t-shirt, and he has one hand gently placed on the woman's head. The woman, also in a gray shirt, has her head resting on the man's chest with a serene expression.

Emotional highs and lows become a drug you can’t quit. The narcissist’s unpredictable pattern of affection and withdrawal creates a powerful addiction. Rooted in the psychological principle of intermittent reinforcement, sporadic rewards create a behavioral loop that’s hard to break.

Expertly manipulating this principle, the narcissist offers just enough positive attention to keep you hooked. You chase after those rare moments of kindness or approval, enduring long stretches of neglect or abuse in between. Your addiction keeps you trapped in the relationship, always hoping for the next “hit” of their affection.

8. You no longer feel worthy of love and respect outside of the relationship.

A woman sits on a couch with a concerned expression, holding her temples with both hands. She is wearing an orange shirt and has brown hair tied back. In the background, there is a brick wall, a radiator, and shelves with plants and decor items.

Self-worth becomes a distant memory as the narcissist’s influence takes hold. Their criticisms and devaluation have been internalized to the point where you no longer believe you deserve love or respect from anyone else. Believing they’re your only chance at receiving affection, you remain tethered to the narcissist.

Systematically chipping away at your self-esteem, they’ve replaced it with a deep-seated sense of unworthiness. You accept mistreatment not just from them, but from others as well, believing it’s all you deserve. Your loss of self-worth ensures you remain dependent on their inconsistent approval.

9. You tolerate their abuse or mistreatment to maintain the relationship.

A man playfully dips his face into a plate of salad while a woman stands next to him with a surprised expression. The plate contains lettuce, cherry tomatoes, and sliced cucumbers. They are in a kitchen setting.

Enduring their hurtful behavior becomes your new normal. Making excuses for their actions, minimizing the impact of their abuse, and convincing yourself that things will get better are clear signs that you’re under the narcissist’s spell.

Gradually pushing your boundaries, they test how much you’ll accept. Each time you tolerate their bad behavior, they push a little further. You might even start to believe that their abuse is a form of love or that you somehow deserve it. Accepting mistreatment keeps you locked in the toxic relationship, unable to see a way out.

10. You struggle to make decisions without their input.

A woman with long dark hair and wearing a light denim shirt rests her chin on her hands and gazes thoughtfully into the distance while sitting at a wooden table in a softly lit room.

Independence fades as you become increasingly reliant on the narcissist’s opinions. Making decisions, even small ones, becomes a daunting task without their input. The narcissist’s systematic erosion of your confidence and autonomy has left you feeling incapable of making choices on your own.

Seeking their approval for everything from what to wear to major life decisions gives them immense power over your life. They can control you even when not physically present. Your reliance on their input further reinforces their dominance in the relationship.

11. You sacrifice your personal values or beliefs to please them.

A couple gazes into each other's eyes with intense emotion. The man with long hair holds the woman's face tenderly. The woman has short blonde hair and bright red lipstick. They are standing outdoors, with blurred greenery and water in the background.

Core values and beliefs crumble under the weight of the narcissist’s demands. Compromising on things you once held dear becomes commonplace, all in an effort to gain their approval or avoid their wrath. Sacrificing personal integrity is a hallmark of being under a narcissist’s influence.

Slowly but surely, they’ve chipped away at your sense of self, replacing your values with their own. You might find yourself engaging in behaviors you once found unacceptable or supporting ideas you previously opposed. Erosion of your personal beliefs leaves you feeling lost and disconnected from your true self, further strengthening the narcissist’s hold over you.

12. You do whatever you can to avoid conflict.

A woman with long brown hair wearing a brown shirt holds her index finger to her lips in a 'shushing' gesture, suggesting silence. She has a calm expression and is standing against a plain gray background.

Peace-keeping becomes your full-time job as you tiptoe around the narcissist’s volatile moods. Going to extreme lengths to avoid any potential disagreement or confrontation leaves you feeling perpetually on edge. The narcissist has conditioned you to fear their reactions, making conflict avoidance your primary coping mechanism.

Lying, hiding things, or sacrificing your own needs just to keep the peace becomes routine. These behaviors not only reinforce the narcissist’s control but also further erode your sense of self and your ability to stand up for yourself. Constant appeasement is exhausting and unsustainable.

13. You genuinely believe that if you just try hard enough, you can “fix” or change them.

A man sits beside a woman on a brown leather couch, gently placing his hand on her shoulder in a comforting manner. The woman looks pensive, staring ahead, dressed in a polka dot dress. The scene is set in a cozy room with a wooden background.

Hope springs eternal in your heart, convincing you that your love and effort can transform the narcissist. Despite repeated evidence to the contrary, you cling to the idea that finding the right words, actions, or sacrifices will heal their wounds and create the loving relationship you crave.

Misguided optimism becomes a powerful tool in the narcissist’s arsenal. They encourage this belief, dangling the possibility of change like a carrot on a stick. Investing more and more of yourself, you chase that elusive transformation. Your belief keeps you trapped in the cycle of abuse, forever trying to fix someone who has no intention of changing.