People who can't let go of the past often display these 10 behaviors

Some people just can’t let go, and some don’t even try to.

A woman in a white dress floats on water with her eyes open, looking contemplative. Her dark hair fans out around her, blending into the water. The sunlight softly illuminates her face.

The past may have passed, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to forget or let go of. Many people struggle to detach themselves from the events and emotions of past experiences. Sometimes that is because those events are traumatic, but other times it’s because of a person’s mentality and personality. The following behaviors are those you’re likely to see in people who hold on tight to the past, even when it hurts them to do so.

1. They are constantly talking about old memories.

Two women sit at a table outdoors, smiling and engaging in conversation. One woman holds a smartphone, and the table is adorned with coffee cups, a cake, and other items. The background includes greenery and soft sunlight, creating a warm and cheerful atmosphere.

A person who is stuck in the past will dwell on their experiences, both good and bad. Their dwelling on those experiences rekindles the emotions associated with the memory over and over. Some people may dwell on the positive to escape their present circumstances. Others may dwell on the negative, digging up old grievances or regrets.

2. They hold grudges and resentment.

Two elderly men sit on a couch in a living room. One man, in a green shirt, leans forward with his head in his hand, appearing distressed. The other man, in a maroon shirt, gestures with his hands as if offering advice or support. Shelves and a TV are in the background.

Letting go of the past means letting go of grudges and resentment, even without closure. After a while, everyone moves on except the person stuck clinging to the past negative experience. Granted, some things shouldn’t or can’t be easily discarded, like a traumatic experience. But other times, people seem to not want to let go of ill feelings because those are what define them.

3. They are fearful of change or overly cautious.

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The fear of making mistakes is real and causes people to avoid taking risks or embracing change. Their clinging to the past leaves them trapped in what is comfortable, familiar, and limiting. They are reluctant to put themselves in positions they don’t know well. Only, you can’t grow and evolve if you aren’t willing to be uncomfortable.

4. They compare the present to the past.

A man with a beard, wearing a white t-shirt, stands indoors looking out of a large window. Sunlight illuminates the room, highlighting a wicker chair nearby. Outside, greenery and a clear sky are visible.

The past is gone and it can’t be relived. By comparing their present circumstances to the past, this person cannot fully enjoy the present or the future. They may spend their time longing for the positive circumstances they once enjoyed because their present may not be all that great.

5. They live with regrets.

A woman with a scarf sits in a cozy cafe, holding a cup of coffee. She gazes at it thoughtfully, with a warm reflection on the glossy table surface. Sunlight streams through the window, casting soft, natural light on the scene.

Everyone has regrets. It’s normal to feel regret when you miss an opportunity or make a mistake. However, people who are stuck in the past are unable to accept those regrets to let them go. They cling to them, churning them over in their minds again and again. The ability to let them go is essential to learn from the mistake and move on to better things.

6. They have a difficult time forming new relationships.

A man with a beard and short hair, wearing a red and white checkered shirt over a white t-shirt, is sitting outdoors in a park. The background is lush and green with blurred trees and foliage. He appears thoughtful.

Negative past experiences with other people may prevent them from seeking new, meaningful connections. They are afraid of being hurt or disappointed again, so they compare their present to the past to justify not trying to make the connection. By letting their past dictate who they let in, they essentially punish people today for the pains caused by others yesterday.

7. They avoid new experiences.

A woman in an orange sweater looks out of a rain-speckled window. Her reflection is visible on the glass, merging with the view of the rainy exterior.

They may avoid new experiences because they are stuck in the comfort of the past. Newness brings with it the chance for good and bad feelings. Instead of taking the risk, they prefer to stay in their zone of comfort where they don’t need to risk the bad.

8. They have deep emotional triggers from the past.

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This is by no means a statement on one’s ability to heal or move forward. Just that if traumatic or terrible past experiences still evoke emotional extremes then more work can be done. Not every past pain or trauma can be fully processed, but most can be processed enough to not still be devastating.

9. They may seek validation or closure from the past.

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Validation and closure are luxuries that many people don’t get. If they are unable to get them, they may still cling to the need for them and refuse to move past the hurt. Alternatively, they may not find the closure or validation they do receive to be that fulfilling. Sometimes people do hurtful things for no other reason than that they can.

10. They feel stuck in old roles or identities.

A woman with grey hair in a light trench coat is holding a phone to her ear. She has a serious expression and is standing outdoors near a body of water with a blue sky in the background.

People who cling to the past may not be able to let go of outdated roles and self-identities. That may include who they were during a previous stage of life, relationship, or job. Self-identity should naturally evolve as we learn more, do more, and take on new roles. Sooner or later, the old doesn’t fit the present.