12 Signs Your Partner Loves Your Kids More Than They Love You

Need proof that they love the kids more?

A woman joyfully holds a baby in her arms while two children hug her waist in a park. The group is smiling, surrounded by greenery, creating a cheerful and loving scene.

Have you often wondered whether your partner loves you as much as they adore your children, or whether they just see you as the incubator and caregiver for their offspring? If they regularly exhibit the following 12 signs, they may very well love your kids more than they love you.

1. They’ll prioritize conversation with the child over you.

A man sits at a table with two children, a boy and a girl, who are drawing with colored pencils. They are smiling and appear to be enjoying the activity together in a cozy, well-lit room.

If you and your child both ask a question at the same time, your partner will answer them before they answer you, every time. Similarly, if you’re engaged in conversation and the little one walks in, they’ll immediately stop paying attention to you and redirect all their focus to the child instead.

2. Your kids get tons of holiday or birthday gifts, and you don’t.

A woman and two children are indoors, smiling and holding wrapped gifts. The woman wears a festive sweater, the boy in a red sweater holds a gift with a gold ribbon, and the girl in a light sweater holds a pink present. Gold balloons are in the background.

During winter holidays or on birthdays, your kids will have tons of presents, overflowing stockings, fancy sweets, and other lovely things to enjoy. In contrast, you might get a robe, or some socks, or a gift certificate to a shop you don’t actually care about so you can get yourself something.

3. They have double standards about enforcing or defending boundaries with the kids.

A smiling woman embraces two young children, a boy and a girl, in an outdoor setting. They are all wearing light sweaters and have dark hair. The background features greenery and soft sunlight, creating a warm and cheerful atmosphere.

If you’ve told the kids that they aren’t allowed to go into your dresser drawers, your partner won’t defend that boundary and might even tell you that you’re being ridiculous. In contrast, when they tell the kids that they aren’t allowed into their closet or drawer, that rule is sacrosanct.

4. In a hypothetical “whom would you save?” situation, they’d instantly choose the kids over you.

A man with a beard smiles warmly as two children hug him from each side. The group is seated in front of a brick wall, wearing casual clothing. The children appear joyful, showcasing a happy, close-knit family moment.

Most people say that they would choose to save their child over their spouse in a scenario like this, but that it would be a terrible choice to make. If, however, your partner immediately responds that they’d save the kids, and doesn’t express any sorrow about that choice, that says a lot.

5. They undermine your parental authority.

Two children rest their heads on a kitchen counter, looking sad. In the background, a man and a woman are having a tense conversation, with the man gesturing. The kitchen has white cabinets and a window showing greenery outside.

You may have grounded one of the kids for doing something awful, and your partner will dismiss your punishment and let them do whatever they want. Similarly, you might forbid the kids from doing something potentially damaging, but come home to find them doing exactly that because your partner gave them permission.

6. Your children’s preferences and choices supersede yours.

Three women stand closely together in a park, smiling and looking ahead. They are wearing white tops, and the background is lush with green trees, suggesting a bright, sunny day.

You might have had plain cheese pizza for every family movie night for the past year, but you don’t have a say regarding different options because that’s what the kids want to have. The same goes for vacations, pets, and so on. Your input is unwelcome and bears no weight.

7. Intimacy is always set aside if the children want attention.

A smiling woman sits in bed with two young children. One child is leaning towards her while the other is lying back with hands behind their head. They all appear happy and are surrounded by pillows and soft lighting.

This is different from fundamental needs that require parental responsibility and caregiving, i.e. baby care, during illness, and so on. If, however, the eight-year-old consistently insists upon reading another chapter when you have date evenings planned, and they get their way each and every time, that’s a choice your partner has made.

8. They attend events with the kids, but not you.

A woman and two young girls are lying on a bed, smiling and laughing. The woman has light brown hair, and the girls have blonde and brown hair respectively. They are dressed in casual, light-colored clothing and appear to be enjoying a joyful moment together.

Your partner might let you know that they’re taking the kids to visit the grandparents on the weekend, but don’t worry—they can go on their own. Or maybe you come home from running household errands to find out that they’ve all gone to the zoo and didn’t invite you along.

9. The children’s needs and wants are the family focus.

A woman and two young boys are smiling joyfully outdoors. The woman and one boy are in focus, with the background blurred, suggesting a sunny day in a park or garden. All appear happy and relaxed.

…whereas your needs and wants are a perpetual source of conflict. For example, if the kids want money for various interests, hobbies, items, and so on, they’re happy to dole it out, but if you’d like funding for something important, it’s a point of contention and argument that you “don’t really need it”.

10. They have flat-out told you that you aren’t as important as the children.

A woman and a young girl with long blonde hair are sitting by a large window. The girl is embracing the woman, who is smiling and pressing their cheeks together. Both are wearing white tops and jeans. Outside the window, a blurred cityscape is visible.

Many people choose to ignore raging red flag behavior because it hurts too much to acknowledge and accept it. Has your partner ever let you know in no uncertain terms that their kids are higher up the totem pole to them than you are? Then listen to that, because they mean it.

11. Their will leaves everything to the children and little to you.

A man with a beard wearing a white T-shirt is sitting in a modern office environment, intently reading and writing on a piece of paper. There are shelves with decor items in the background, and soft sunlight illuminates the scene.

Someone who loves their partner as much as their kids will ensure that they’re well taken care of when they die. In contrast, if your partner has left pretty much everything to the kids, with little if anything to you, do they really care about you and your future wellbeing?

12. They refer to you as “my kids’ parent”, rather than “my partner” or “my spouse”.

A family of three, comprising a woman, a man, and a young girl with buns in her hair, sit at a café table. They smile and enjoy glasses of orange juice with straws. The girl holds a yellow macaron, and a bowl of macarons sits on the table. The background is a trendy café.

Sadly, many people see their partners as the means by which they attain children, whether it’s as an incubator or a sperm donor. If your partner refers to you as “my kids’ mom/dad”, rather than introducing you as their spouse, you know they love those children more than they love you.