If your husband forgets your anniversary, here's what you need to do

It’s more common than you think.

A woman and a man sitting on a couch, both appearing upset. The woman, wearing a white shirt, looks away with a thoughtful expression, resting her hand on her forehead. The man, in a beige shirt, sits with his arms crossed, looking serious.

You’ve been looking forward to this date, and it holds a special and sentimental meaning for you. But apparently, your husband doesn’t feel the same way.

You kept waiting for a surprise, but the surprise was that he forgot. Is this how it played out?

Anniversaries…they mean a lot to most women, so how come they don’t seem to mean as much to most men?

Listen, I get it, anniversaries are important and you clearly feel they should be marked at the very least, and ideally celebrated. But try to keep things in perspective, and try not to make the problem bigger than it really is if you are in an otherwise happy marriage.

If you, instead, have problems in your marriage, don’t use your anniversary as a day when they escalate.

Either way, don’t focus solely on this one mistake that he made, no matter how big it seems.

Here’s what you should do when your husband forgets your anniversary.

1. Remind yourself that he loves you (assuming that he does).

A couple walks hand in hand along a sunny beach. The woman has red hair and wears a light cardigan over a white blouse, while the man has gray hair and wears a maroon sweater over a dark shirt. They are smiling at each other.

Does your husband love you? Even if you do have problems, he married you, and you’re still together after all this time. I think it’s safe to assume that he loves you. So, if you’re feeling unloved by his lack of regard for your anniversary, don’t.

Just because he forgot an important date doesn’t mean that he fell out of love. Did he kiss you this morning before going to work? Does he show you love in little ways with the things he says and does? If so, remind yourself of that. If not, consider how long it’s been since you felt loved.

Are you having a lot of problems in your marriage? Is the anniversary just the tip of the iceberg? Even so, don’t assume that your husband has lost feelings for you. If you’re both willing to work on your problems, you can resolve them.

Just keep in mind that this won’t be achieved by simply celebrating your anniversary. So don’t focus on this date as if it could determine whether your husband loves you or not.

2. Consider whether he’s generally forgetful.

A bearded man in a dark green button-up shirt stands against a light blue background. He has one hand crossed against his chest and the other hand touching his temple, with a thoughtful expression on his face.

Your husband might be generally forgetful, and that could be the only reason why he forgot about your anniversary. It probably has nothing to do with his feelings for you or the problems in your relationship.

Answer this; if reminded, would he want to celebrate your anniversary? If so, he’s not forgetting about it to punish you, make you mad, or because he doesn’t care.

If he is generally forgetful, don’t let that ruin your special day.

3. Consider what has been going on in his life lately.

A man in a suit is overwhelmed by a large pile of crumpled papers, reaching out with a distressed expression. His hand is extended toward the camera as he appears to be buried in the disorganized documents.

He doesn’t have to be forgetful to have a lot on his plate. Maybe he usually remembers your anniversary, but his life has been hectic lately. He has so much going on that he hasn’t known which day it is for weeks now, not just on your special day.

This could be because he’s busy or because he’s going through something emotionally all-consuming. Consider what has been going on in his life lately, and you might find a valid excuse for his forgetfulness.

4. Consider whether this is the first time or if it happens every time.

A person sitting on a sofa with knees drawn up, looking thoughtful. Another person stands behind the sofa, gently touching the seated person's shoulder. A table with cups and a book is in the foreground.

Did your husband forget one anniversary or all of them? If this is a recurring issue, have you tried reminding him? Did you explain to him how much this day means to you and that you want to celebrate it with him?

If you have done these things, and he still doesn’t care enough about your anniversary, consider the other issues. Does he generally make you feel neglected and uncared for? Does he treat you poorly and make you unhappy? Or it is just the important dates where he fails to meet your expectations?

5. Consider whether he remembers and celebrates important dates in general.

A wooden tray with two croissants, a glass of orange juice, and a potted plant is being held. In the background, a smiling person with outstretched arms is sitting up in bed, possibly receiving breakfast in bed.

Firstly, does your husband usually know which day it is? He could be perfectly aware of your wedding date but not be aware of which day of the week it is now. Maybe he doesn’t pay attention to dates, and that’s the whole issue!

However, maybe it’s just the important dates that he always either forgets or ruins. Some people don’t give importance to special dates, so they forget them.

Some even hate celebrating birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays. Even when they do celebrate them, they ruin them completely. This is often because of their bad past experiences with important dates, so you should encourage your husband to talk to a therapist and understand that the problem has nothing to do with you or his love for you.

6. Consider whether he gives importance to anniversaries.

A man and woman sit at a wooden table with coffee cups and phones. The man, wearing a plaid shirt, gestures while talking. The woman, in a gray sweater, listens with a thoughtful expression, her head resting on her hand. The setting appears to be a casual café.

Some people simply think that anniversaries aren’t a big deal. Often, they feel the same way about other important dates. They don’t understand why they should celebrate a certain date and how important that could be to someone.

Have you explained to your husband how much your anniversary means to you? If you have, and he doesn’t care, that’s a problem. But if he genuinely doesn’t get it, try explaining it to him. He might surprise you when he starts enjoying the anniversary celebrations too.

7. Let him know that he forgot.

A man and woman sit on the floor in a cozy kitchen, smiling and holding coffee mugs. The kitchen features a modern design with hanging lights and wooden cabinetry. They appear to be engaged in a pleasant conversation.

Don’t wait for days after the anniversary to tell your husband that he forgot about it! Asking him “Are we doing anything today?” should give you a clue about whether he knows or has forgotten. The point is, let him know that he forgot as soon as you notice it, not when there’s no chance to fix it.

If you tell him, he might instantly apologize and ask to make it up to you. You could still celebrate your anniversary properly! So don’t let yourself spend that day in silence and tears if letting him know could make all the difference!

8. Calmly let him know how you feel.

A woman with short red hair wearing a white sleeveless top and a man with dreadlocks wearing a lavender shirt are sitting by a window and engaged in a conversation.

You have a right to feel hurt and disappointed, and you should communicate your feelings to your husband. But do so calmly. If you scream at him, he will just get defensive, and you won’t achieve anything.

Explaining how you feel is your chance to make him realize how much sentimental value this date has for you. Let him know that you’re not asking him to give it as much value as you do, but that he should put the effort into remembering and celebrating your anniversary because he loves you and wants you to be happy together.

9. Don’t be passive-aggressive.

A woman with long blonde hair looks upset, resting her head on her hand, while sitting on a couch. In the background, a man with short gray hair and a checkered shirt gestures with one hand, seemingly talking to her.

Playing passive-aggressive games or making passive-aggressive comments just prolongs things, and it usually makes them worse. So, try to stay calm and communicate efficiently.

You are more likely to make progress if you talk about this calmly rather than if you turn it into an argument. Don’t give him the silent treatment, don’t criticize his every word or act for the rest of the day, don’t go around huffing and puffing trying to get him to ask you what’s wrong.

10. Wait for his reaction.

An elderly woman sits on a couch, looking pensive and resting her head on her hand. An elderly man sits in the background on another couch, facing away, with a similar expression. The room is bright and airy.

How did your husband react when you told him that he had forgotten about your anniversary?

This is more important than the fact that he forgot. If he doesn’t seem to care that he hurt your feelings, that’s an issue that’s not just about this one date.

Even if your husband doesn’t give value to important dates, he should care if he has done something to hurt you. So, does he feel sorry for forgetting your anniversary, or would he be fine with you spending it crying in bed?

11. See if you get a sincere apology.

A man and a woman sitting on a yellow sofa in a well-lit room. The man, wearing glasses and a brown sweater, holds the woman's hands while she looks down with a serious expression, wearing a white t-shirt and grey pants. They seem to be having a heartfelt conversation.

Did your husband apologize once you told him that he hurt your feelings? Was the apology sincere? If so, you might even want to forgive him right away and go celebrate your anniversary! Yes, he forgot, but if he is sorry about it, don’t spend this day arguing when you could still salvage what’s left of it.

Turning it into a big fight isn’t going to help him remember it the next time. Celebrating it in a way that makes you both happy could. So, accept his apology if it’s sincere.

If he’s just saying that he’s sorry and he has done it before, don’t be so quick to forgive him. However, still consider salvaging the day. If he doesn’t apologize, see if he’ll try to make up for it.

Conversely, is it possible that he simply doesn’t care? If he doesn’t care, you probably have bigger issues in your marriage, but keep in mind that you can’t solve them by spending your anniversary fighting.

12. See if he’ll try to make up for it.

A woman smiles while holding a card with a heart on it. She is seated at a table with a birthday cake topped with fruit, two glasses of champagne, and a gift bag. It's a sunny day on a rooftop patio with plants in the background.

Most likely, your husband will want to make up for it, even if he doesn’t apologize. He will take you out to dinner, buy you flowers or jewelry, or simply tell you that he loves you and promise never to forget your anniversary again.

Even if he forgets your anniversary every time, if he always makes up for it once he realizes what he has done, you might even want to let it slide. Work with him on remembering the date, but don’t make a big problem out of it if he clearly loves you and wants to make this day special for both of you now that he has realized his mistake.

If he is otherwise a loving husband who makes you happy, think of forgetting important dates as a small flaw that doesn’t reflect the state of your marriage.

13. Don’t make the day worse than it has to be.

An older man and woman are having a heated argument in a brightly lit room. The woman, with short blonde hair, gestures with open hands. The man, with gray hair, looks frustrated, raising his palms upward. They stand near large windows with curtains.

Don’t reject your husband’s attempts to salvage this day if there is still time. Don’t choose to fight on your anniversary if it’s still possible to celebrate it and your husband is more than willing to.

Most importantly, don’t make the day worse than it has to be. It’s not your fault that this happened, but now that it has happened, see if you can still salvage the day and celebrate your anniversary.

If there’s still time to celebrate your anniversary, put a pause on the argument if it happens. Agree to continue it another day, but celebrate this day and try to enjoy it.

14. Don’t punish him.

A woman sitting on a couch looks contemplatively at a ring she holds, while a man sits in the background with a thoughtful expression. Both appear pensive, creating a mood of reflection and contemplation.

Your husband made a mistake, but don’t punish him for it. Don’t use the silent treatment, passive-aggressive comments, or some other way to hurt him because he hurt you. One meta-analysis showed that couples who engage in such behavior “experience lower relationship satisfaction, less intimacy and poorer communication, which is also associated with divorce.”

Instead, if he is willing to apologize and make up for it, accept that and celebrate your anniversary.

If he doesn’t care that he hurt you, consider working on your marriage with a therapist or even leaving the marriage depending on your problems and specific circumstances. But don’t assume that your husband doesn’t care about your feelings just because he forgot your anniversary.

Let him know how you feel, and try to stay calm. To us women, anniversaries are often much more important than to men. If your husband doesn’t care that much about your anniversary, it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you, so always keep that in mind.