13 unmistakable signs someone is taking advantage of your kindness

If you recognize these signs, you’re been taken advantage of.

A woman with long brown hair, wearing a blue tank top, stands against a gray background. She points to herself with one hand while her other hand is extended forward, palm up, with a confused or questioning expression on her face.

Kindness is a beautiful trait, but it can leave you vulnerable to those with ulterior motives. Recognizing when someone is exploiting your generosity is crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and protecting your well-being. Let’s explore the telltale signs that indicate someone might be taking advantage of your good nature, and learn how to spot these red flags before they become a problem.

1. They only appear when they need something from you.

A smiling woman with dark hair in a loosely tied updo, wearing a light pink blouse with a white collar, waves at the camera. She stands against a plain white background.

Fair-weather friends are a dime a dozen, but these individuals take it to another level. You might notice long periods of silence, broken only when they suddenly need a favor. Their timing is impeccable—they always seem to know just when you might be useful to them. Once they’ve gotten what they wanted, poof! They vanish again, leaving you wondering if you imagined the whole interaction.

2. They use guilt trips to convince you to do something.

A man in a checkered shirt sits on a grey couch, hands clasped together in a pleading gesture, speaking to a woman with long blonde hair in a denim shirt and jeans. She sits on the same couch, arms crossed, looking away with a displeased expression.

Masters of manipulation, these people wield guilt like a finely-honed weapon. Reminders of past favors, emphasis on their dire circumstances, or subtle implications that you’re not a good friend if you don’t help are all common tactics. Their emotional blackmail is designed to make you feel responsible for their happiness or well-being. Playing on your empathy and conscience, they aim to override your better judgment and get you to comply with their wishes, regardless of your own needs or boundaries.

3. The favors are almost always one-sided.

Two women are in a cozy room with bookshelves. One is playing an acoustic guitar, wearing a striped shirt, and has curly hair. The other, dressed in a white turtleneck and jeans, is sitting and holding a tablet, watching her.

In a healthy relationship, there’s a natural give-and-take. With these individuals, however, the scales are perpetually tipped in their favor. They’re quick to ask for help but slow to reciprocate. On the rare occasions when they do something for you, it comes with strings attached. That small favor they did suddenly becomes currency for requesting much larger favors from you. It’s as if they’re keeping a mental tally, always ensuring you’re in their debt.

4. They never say “thank you”.

Two women are seated at a desk in an office setting. The woman on the left is focused on paperwork, while the woman on the right, seated beside a computer, appears to be glancing at her colleague. The desk is cluttered with office supplies, notebooks, and a calculator.

Gratitude seems to be a foreign concept to these people. No matter how much you do for them, a simple “thank you” rarely crosses their lips. Their lack of appreciation isn’t just about poor manners; it reflects their entitled attitude. Your help is viewed as something they’re owed rather than a kindness freely given, and the silence that follows your efforts speaks volumes about how little they value your generosity.

5. They become distant or cold when you can’t/won’t meet their requests.

Two women sit on the floor by a window, engaged in an intense conversation. The woman on the left raises her hand as if to stop the other, looking concerned. The woman on the right gestures with both hands, appearing distressed. Two coffee cups sit on the table nearby.

Watch out for the sudden temperature drop when you can’t accommodate their latest demand. Their warmth and friendliness vanish, replaced by an icy demeanor or passive-aggressive behavior. The emotional withdrawal serves as a form of punishment, designed to make you feel guilty for asserting your boundaries. Withholding affection or approval is their way of training you to always say yes, regardless of your own needs or limits.

6. They often exaggerate their own problems to get you to help.

Two women sit on outdoor steps. The woman on the left with long, brown hair and wearing a white top, appears concerned, looking at the woman on the right. The woman on the right, with blonde hair and wearing a green jacket, covers her face with her hands, looking distressed.

Drama follows these individuals like a shadow. Every issue becomes a crisis, every setback a catastrophe. They paint their problems in the most dire colors possible, all to elicit your sympathy and assistance. The constant state of emergency is exhausting, and it’s meant to be. Amplifying their troubles is their way of overriding your own judgment and sense of proportion, making it harder for you to refuse their pleas for help.

7. They lay the charm on thick.

A man with short, dark hair and a neatly trimmed beard is smiling. He is wearing a denim shirt over a gray t-shirt and is standing against a plain gray background. His head is slightly tilted as he smiles warmly at the camera.

Beware the silver-tongued charmer who suddenly turns on the magnetism when they want something. Compliments flow like honey, and their attention feels intoxicating. However, this charm offensive isn’t genuine; it’s a calculated strategy to lower your defenses and increase your willingness to comply with their requests. Once they’ve gotten what they want, watch how quickly that charm evaporates, leaving you wondering what happened to all that warmth and admiration.

8. They promise a lot but only deliver a little.

A person with straight blonde hair, wearing glasses, a white shirt, and a blue knit vest, stands against a peach-colored background. They have one hand raised and the other placed over their chest, appearing to take an oath or pledge.

These individuals are masters of the grand promise and the minimal follow-through. Vivid pictures of all they’ll do for you sound too good to be true. And usually, they are. When it comes time to deliver, they’ll have a litany of excuses or will provide only a fraction of what they promised. The pattern of overpromising and underdelivering is designed to keep you hopeful and engaged, always believing that next time, they’ll come through.

9. They overstep your boundaries.

Two men having a conversation in an office. One is seated, wearing glasses, a blue blazer, and holding a smartphone. The other is standing, wearing a white turtleneck and resting his arm on the back of the chair, looking at the seated man.

Personal boundaries are mere suggestions to these people. They’ll push and prod, testing your limits and seeing how far they can go. Borrowing things without asking, showing up uninvited, or prying into personal matters you’re not comfortable sharing are common behaviors. Consistently overstepping is their attempt to erode your boundaries over time, making it easier for them to take advantage of your kindness in the future.

10. They expect more from you than they are willing to give in return.

Two women sit at a dining table engaged in an animated conversation. One woman, wearing a white and pink striped blouse, gestures with her hands, while the other, in a pink sweater vest, looks at her with a surprised expression. Plates of food and cups are on the table.

In their world, reciprocity is a one-way street. Sky-high expectations for what you should do for them contrast sharply with the little they offer in return. The imbalance is often justified with excuses or by minimizing their own capabilities. Claims of being too busy, too stressed, or simply not as capable as you are common. Such disparity in expectations clearly shows that they value their own needs and desires far above yours.

11. They regularly cancel on you at the last minute.

A man with short dark hair sits at a wooden table in a cafe, talking on his smartphone. He is wearing a white shirt with a blue pattern and several bracelets on his wrist. A white coffee cup and saucer are in front of him, and the street is visible through the window.

Reliability is not their strong suit, especially when it comes to plans that don’t directly benefit them. Canceling at the eleventh hour, often with a flimsy excuse, is par for the course. Such behavior shows a profound lack of respect for your time and feelings. It’s particularly telling if they rarely cancel when they need something from you. Their selective reliability reveals where their true priorities lie—and it’s not with your friendship or well-being.

12. You don’t know them on a deep level.

Two women sit outdoors, engaged in a conversation while holding mugs. One woman has brown hair pulled up, and the other has blonde hair. They appear to be sitting in a garden or patio area, with greenery and wooden structures in the background.

Despite all the time and energy you invest in the relationship, you realize you know surprisingly little about them. Conversations remain superficial, personal questions are deflected, and they rarely share anything meaningful about themselves. The intentional shallowness serves a purpose: it keeps you at arm’s length while still close enough to be useful. Maintaining this emotional distance allows them to avoid the reciprocal nature of true friendship, where both parties are invested and vulnerable.

13. You feel uncomfortable saying no to them.

Two men are engaged in a conversation in a well-lit room with sunlight streaming through the window. One man wears a brown shirt, and the other wears a red checked shirt and glasses. People can be seen in the background blurry, possibly working or socializing.

The mere thought of refusing their requests fills you with anxiety. Dreading their calls or messages becomes common, knowing they’ll likely be asking for something. Your discomfort is often the result of their past reactions to your boundaries or their subtle manipulations over time. An environment where saying no feels like a transgression effectively traps you in a cycle of compliance. The unease serves as a warning sign that the relationship has become unbalanced and potentially harmful to your well-being.