Do you make these assumptions?
First impressions can be wildly misleading, yet some people cling to them like a lifeline in social situations. Our brains, wired for quick assessments, can lead us down a path of snap judgments that can be way off base, unless we take stock and stop them. If you make these 11 assumptions, you’re falling into that foolish trap.
1. Assuming someone’s appearance says anything about their class or character.
Some people seem to think they are detectives, piecing together a person’s life story from their outfit. But here’s the thing: appearances can be deceiving. Wildy deceiving.
That slightly disheveled look? It might be the result of a hectic morning caring for a sick child, not laziness. Or perhaps it’s an individual who finds certain fabrics unbearable. Cultural differences play a huge role too. What’s considered professional attire in one country might be completely different in another.
And let’s not forget those who’ve mastered the art of looking put-together but hide a mess beneath the surface. Appearances, as they say, are just the tip of the iceberg. It’s foolish to place too much value on them.
2. Believing a firm, cold handshake somehow makes a person superior.
The handshake, that age-old ritual of greeting, is ripe for misinterpretation. A firm grip might be seen as confidence, while a softer one could be mistaken for weakness. But there’s so much more at play here.
Some cultures don’t even use handshakes, preferring bows or other gestures. For individuals with conditions like arthritis or sensory sensitivities, a firm handshake might be downright painful.
Then there are those who’ve perfected the art of the “power handshake” to mask their insecurities. Don’t be fooled into giving a handshake more weight than it deserves.
3. Assuming someone has to be smiling to be a nice person.
A smile is universal, right? Wrong. The meaning behind a smile or lack thereof can vary wildly. Some cultures view constant smiling as insincere or even foolish. For individuals who are autistic, facial expressions might not align with their internal emotions in ways neurotypical people expect.
Then there’s the pressure to perform. Many people, especially women, feel compelled to smile to appear friendly and approachable, even when they’re not feeling it. This societal expectation can lead to misreading of genuine emotion. A neutral expression doesn’t necessarily mean unfriendliness – it could simply be someone’s natural resting face or a sign of deep concentration.
4. Judging someone’s intellect or social status by how they speak.
The moment words leave a person’s mouth, judgments start forming. Accents, vocabulary, and speech patterns become fodder for assumptions about intelligence, education, and social status. But these snap judgments often miss the mark entirely.
A person with a regional accent might be a genius maintaining their linguistic roots (and why shouldn’t they?). Someone who speaks haltingly might be multilingual, processing thoughts in multiple languages. Speech impediments or differences in cadence could be related to neurodivergence or hearing impairments.
And don’t be deceived by those silver-tongued individuals who use charm and eloquence to mask less savory qualities. Speech is just one facet of communication, not the whole story.
5. Prejudging someone before you’ve even met them based solely on their name.
What’s in a name? Apparently, a whole lot of preconceived notions. Names can trigger assumptions about ethnicity, age, social class, and even personality traits. But these judgments are often baseless and harmful.
A traditionally “ethnic” name doesn’t determine a person’s cultural identity or language skills. An old-fashioned name doesn’t mean someone is behind the times. And a quirky name isn’t a reliable indicator of someone’s personality or their parents’ values.
Names are deeply personal and can carry family or cultural significance that isn’t immediately apparent. Judging someone based on their name alone is like trying to read a book by its cover – you’re bound to miss the real story.
6. Assuming lateness equals disrespect or laziness.
The clock strikes the hour, and your new acquaintance is nowhere to be seen. It’s easy to jump to conclusions about their character, but time perception and punctuality norms vary widely. In some cultures, arriving “on time” means showing up 15 minutes early, while in others, it’s perfectly acceptable to be an hour late.
For individuals with ADHD, time blindness can make punctuality a constant struggle, despite their best intentions. Anxiety or over-preparation might lead someone to be chronically early. And then there’s external factors like traffic or public transportation delays which are sometimes simply unavoidable. Punctuality is just one small aspect of reliability and respect, and to judge someone solely on that says more about you than them.
7. Labelling someone awkward or weird because of a lack of small talk.
Smooth small talk is often seen as a sign of social grace and intelligence. But this narrow view fails to account for the rich tapestry of human communication styles. Introverts might find small talk draining, preferring deeper conversations. Those who are autistic might struggle with the unwritten rules of casual chitchat.
Cultural differences play a huge role too. In some societies, getting straight to the point is valued over social niceties.
And then there’s those who’ve honed their small talk skills to a fine art, using it as a smoke screen to avoid more meaningful interactions or to BS their way through life. The ability to make small talk really says very little about a person’s worth or capabilities.
8. Believing someone’s body language is more important than the words they speak.
Crossed arms? Must be defensive. Fidgeting? Clearly nervous or lying. But hold on – body language isn’t a universal language, despite what we’re led to believe. Cultural norms heavily influence gestures and postures. What’s considered respectful in one culture might be seen as standoffish in another.
Neurodivergent individuals might have entirely different ways of expressing themselves physically. Stimming behaviors, common in autism, and fidgeting, common in ADHD, can be misread as nervousness or inattention. Medical conditions can affect posture and movement in ways that have nothing to do with emotions or attitudes. And some people are just naturally more physically expressive than others. Body language is just one channel of communication and shouldn’t be viewed as more important than the words someone speaks.
9. Making assumptions about strong eye contact (or a lack of it).
In many Western cultures, strong eye contact is equated with confidence and trustworthiness. But this narrow view ignores the complexity of human interaction. In numerous cultures, direct eye contact can be seen as aggressive or disrespectful, especially with authority figures.
For autistic individuals, sustained eye contact can be uncomfortable or even painful. Some people might avoid eye contact due to social anxiety or past trauma. And then there are those who’ve learned to fake “good” eye contact to appear engaged or trustworthy, when they are anything but. Eye contact is not the key to someone’s soul, so don’t be fooled into believing it is.
10. Assuming someone is rude because they use more direct communication
Blunt words hit your ears, and suddenly you’re taken aback. “How rude!” you might think. But pause for a moment – directness doesn’t always equate to rudeness. In many cultures, particularly in Northern Europe and parts of Asia, direct communication is highly valued and seen as a sign of respect. It’s about efficiency and clarity, not aggression or disrespect.
For autistic people, direct communication is simply their natural mode of expression. They may struggle with the subtle nuances of indirect speech and prefer to state things plainly. This straightforwardness can be refreshing in a world often bogged down by social niceties and hidden meanings.
Moreover, some people adopt a more direct style due to past experiences where their needs were overlooked when expressed politely. Direct communication can be a tool for clear understanding, not a weapon of rudeness, if you choose to judge it as so.
11. Trusting stereotyped judgments over the facts.
We often pride ourselves on our “gut feelings” about people, but these instincts can lead us astray. Our brains are wired to make quick judgments based on past experiences and societal conditioning. This can result in unfair biases against individuals who don’t fit our preconceived notions of what a “good” person looks or acts like.
Confirmation bias leads us to seek out information that supports our initial impression while ignoring contradictory evidence. This is particularly dangerous when combined with stereotypes about certain groups. It’s crucial to recognize that our instincts are fallible and often influenced by factors we’re not even aware of. True understanding requires open-mindedness and a willingness to look beyond our initial reactions.
